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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what people mean about 'cuddling' babies?

69 replies

mummyrunnerbean · 23/01/2015 18:49

After an afternoon with MIL commenting on this I'm beginning to get slightly concerned, undoubtedly in a sleep-deprived, pfb kind of way:

Is it normal for babies not to let you cuddle them? As in, 6 month DS has never put up with being cuddled for more than a few seconds except when asleep, or feeding. And even when feeding he constantly kicks off whatever we're sitting on, 'talks', turns his head, and smacks me on the boob. He always has.

Otherwise when being held he just bicycles his legs, flails his arms, tries to climb whoever's got him, etc etc, and again always has. He just can't be still for a minute. The only way to get him to sleep is either to feed him in a dark room with white noise (keeping arms and legs firmly pinned down) or to imprison him in his sling with a jacket zipped over his legs and go for a very brisk walk, again with white noise.

DP has ADHD and MIL is driving me round the bend saying DS 'obviously' does too. I realise it's far too early to tell but am beginning to wonder if something isn't right. He's just never happy unless he can move about. I've been kind of hoping that when he can move himself he'll chill out a bit, but when I read about people actually cuddling their babies on here I am Shock and slightly jealous...

Please tell me I'm being crazy and he's perfectly normal if slightly over-energetic?

OP posts:
tracyrobo · 23/01/2015 19:42

DS is a very busy 14 month old and never been into cuddles. Upsets me a bit when he squirms out of my grasp but hoping it will change as he gets a bit older.

QTPie · 23/01/2015 19:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

sunnyfrostyday · 23/01/2015 19:48

DS1 hated being cuddled. He would twist away when I carried him, and was always kicking and throwing his arms about.

He is 11 now. He still hates being touched, still bounces everywhere (he's actually jumping in the shower as I type!). No issues at all.

Thisismyfirsttime · 23/01/2015 19:54

Bloody hell, you can not, can NOT diagnose even the most severely Autistic children at 6mo. In hindsight perhaps but far far more children will grow out of being less cuddly babies than will go on to have any form of Autism diagnosed.

toomuchtooold · 23/01/2015 19:55

At 6m DD2 would always, rather than putting her arm round my neck, put it across my neck so that if I tried to cuddle her I basically got choked. I'm sure it was intentional (she was generally a bit "aargh get off" if you cuddled her). She is very cuddly with me now at nearly 3, although she still hates it if other people cuddle her (and I've seen her frantically rubbing her cheek clean after her sister kissed her!)

AcrossthePond55 · 23/01/2015 19:56

Although I think it's way too early for any type of diagnosis, if you are worried, make an appt with a paediatrician to discuss your concerns. He/She is in the best position to give you the information and/or reassurance you need.

It's so frustrating (and frightening) as a parent to hear everyone's opinion of your child. Never listen to these so-called 'experts' unless you have a good reason to believe they really know what they are talking about! And 99.9% of them don't!!

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 23/01/2015 20:12

Some like to be cuddled, some don't; I wouldn't take this on its own to be indication of a 'problem'.

Theboodythatrocked · 23/01/2015 20:14

You seriously think the op should take a perfectly heaithy baby to rye doctor because he doesn't like cuddles? Seriously?

Ye gods!

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 23/01/2015 20:20

Surely you'd be laughed out of the Dr's surgery if you went in and said 'my 6 month old doesn't like cuddles'?

Purplehonesty · 23/01/2015 20:20

Oh ds was terrible for this. Wanted to be off the whole time. I hated it and wishes he would cuddle me but he didn't until he was about 3 and then only on his terms.
Now he is 5 and a real cuddly little lad. Gets into bed with me and snuggles in so tightly I can't breathe!

JuanFernandezTitTyrant · 23/01/2015 20:23

DS is 15 months and was never a cuddler. He is now, for the brief time that he wants to. No signs of anything to worry about. I would ignore your mil (and Jackieharris Hmm)

AcrossthePond55 · 23/01/2015 20:23

If going to a doctor will make the OP feel better, then yes, see a paediatrician. That's what we pay them for. No doctor worth his/her salt would 'laugh someone out of their surgery'.

Allstoppedup · 23/01/2015 20:25

My DS was a little fidget too! He was always craning his neck to nosy around, kicked, waved arms etc..He still is in to everything and constantly on the go but now at 13months he comes in for cuddles lots and asks for kisses all the time, he's been doing the actual 'cuddling' thing for ahout 3 months where he gets his arms right in around your neck and snuggles in.

Some babies are placcid and cuddly when they are tiny, some are fidgets, just like some adults like cuddles and some don't.
Some of the babies the same age as DS don't like to cuddle at all now but some are like him and do. I really wouldn't worry, your DS is so tiny still and it sounds to me like he is just more interested in trialling out his new legs/arms/eye movements than any of that sitting still staring at the ceiling whilst you get passed from adult to adult nonsense!Grin

It may be your DS takes after his dad, but he's your DP and you must love him just the same, regardless of his attention abilities. Your little one will give you cuddles when he is ready and whether they are rare sporadic ones or everyday just because you're there ones, they will be lovely.

Flowers
Ilovehamabeads · 23/01/2015 20:26

DD was not at all cuddly as a baby. Still isn't at 9. She's just not affectionate full stop, you're more likely to get an elbow in the rib than a hug. Apart from that she's absolutely bog-standard normal.

NakedFamilyFightClub · 23/01/2015 20:31

DS is 14 months and has only recently started tolerating cuddles and coming over for hugs.

I sometimes think that they should show a video of him bf at the antenatal classes though, nowhere and no one prepared me for him being able to put a finger in my ear, his foot under my chin and wriggle like a fish when he's being fed!

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 23/01/2015 20:34

DS was very active and not cuddly. He preferred the pushchair to being held. He is now 18, NT and gives his mama a hug and kiss.

duplodon · 23/01/2015 20:38

Actually, you wouldn't be laughed out of surgery, nor should you be. Any developmental concerns should be taken seriously and explored. No one here can tell to what extent this baby "doesn't like being cuddled". We have very little information, despite the fact the details sound pretty normal.

There are babies who do get diagnoses of a range of developmental difficulties in the first few months, ASD and ADHD are not the only special needs out there. A baby that's just energetic and not very into long cuddles? Fine. But there are babies who are very touch resistant at six months, not vocalising/cooing, not responding to sounds, not interested in people's faces or their environment with histories of feeding difficulties etc who do have very serious needs... and there are also babies whose only sign of serious developmental difficulty is a small birthmark or a split ear or a dimple on the base of their spine.

If anyone ever has genuine concerns about any aspect of their baby's development, they should seek advice from healthcare professionals. It's okay if you get it wrong, it's no big deal... but your concerns should be listened to and responded seriously.

GooodMythicalMorning · 23/01/2015 20:38

My asd baby was a velcro baby too. All individual.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 23/01/2015 20:42

But the point is that OP hasn't mentioned any other development concerns. That doesn't mean she doesn't have any, of course, but I suspect that if there were other aspects of her DS's development that she was concerned about then she would have mentioned them. After all, we only ever have the details in the OP (and subsequent posts) to go on. As I mentioned, my DD is 14 months and has never cuddled me. I had no concerns about her development whatsoever. Now, after reading this thread, I do.

Thisismyfirsttime · 23/01/2015 20:42

Assuming you go through the NHS you can't just 'see a paediatrician', you need to be referred to one by your GP ( depending upon age of child, school or HV could refer)

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 23/01/2015 20:44

And obviously, being laughed out of the surgery was a figure of speech. I didn't genuinely expect a Dr to roll around on the floor laughing until the OP was forced out of the surgery by his laughter.

duplodon · 23/01/2015 20:50

And GotTo, therein lies the problem. You just can't get reassurance from strangers on the internet, no matter how well-intentioned or kindly they may be... and in the business of seeking it, you're likely to encounter things that never crossed your worried mind before you first posted. So it's better to avoid using the internet for that kind of reassurance.

The internet can be great in certain healthcare contexts, such as when you are seeking advice or support for a known issue or are seeking information on how to navigate the healthcare system so you can get proper assessment or intervention, but if the problem is worry, no amount of posts here will actually answer that little worry you have about your child after your mother in law's ADHD comment or what have you.. yet a few might spike it to Kingdom come, so you're best off out of it.

duplodon · 23/01/2015 20:51

X post

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 23/01/2015 20:55

I didn't post the OP. My MIL hasn't made any comment about my DD. I haven't used the internet to seek reassurance about my DD. I am trying to reassure the OP that, based on the information in her OP (which is what we all rely on) has nothing to worry about.

phoenixrose314 · 23/01/2015 20:55

DS was the same, don't panic over it.

He just never liked being confined - he never enjoyed being swaddled, preferred being propped up to being "cuddles" as a baby (very nosy!), and now he's nearly two, he still hates blankets (struggling now we're in winter!) and will cuddle but for about two seconds on his own terms - he just loves being active, he's so alert and into everything... It's wonderful and I wouldn't change him one little bit. My little explorer Smile