to hate how often the phrase "he's just not that into you" is used on here?

[NothingLeftToBurn]

Every single relationship thread I come across where the OP says ...

He cancelled our date
He hasn't replied to my text
He's spending the weekend with his friends.

I always read - "he's just not that into you"

Like it's some holy gospel they have invented.

The first time I heard this phrase was in S&TC and that episode was 12 years ago now.

I get that it's relevant and succinct in some cases, but come on! I think most posters deserve more of a discussion than - he's just not that into you.

I'm just not into this.

Bye!

I must be opening different threads, as I haven't seen that for ages!

It's a perfectly valid thing to say if you think it applies. Especially if it is but one phrase in a longer post.

And of course, if you think a poster is getting only wrong or scanty responses, then the actual thread is the best place to make a difference by posting the thoughts and advice you think are better.

You obviously missed the film by the same name then.

I think it's said after a poster has written a long opening post describing the relationship, the man, how great he is, his recent strange behaviour and various possible reasons as to his current distance/lack of interest.

It might sound glib but it's often the truth. Can sound overly blunt when just those words are written though.

You obviously missed the film by the same name then.

No I saw the film.

I just mentioned how old that phrase is when I referenced Sex and the City in 2003.

The film came out in 2009.

What point are you trying to make?

I think most posters deserve more of a discussion than - he's just not that into you.

I think its a way of telling women not to over analyse, and not to invest so much in the early stages of a relationship. Rejection is a normal thing to experience, and shouldn't devastate you early on.

Is this because he's just not that in to you?

It so is

But the whole point is that it's a catchphrase popularised by the one from SATC (BTW, 2003 is not old, how very dare you, it was last year wasn't it? ) and the book and the film.

I believe the book was pretty well recommended reading on here a few years back too, not so much now, but the phrase remains.

"He's telling you who he is. Listen." Gets right on my nips.

Me too coumarin Even though they're usually right it just oozes smug therapy speak.

Is this because he's just not that in to you?

It so is

I lost my partner of 10 years, I'm a lone parent to two children, the youngest being 7months. I don't have the time or interest in dating at this point in my life. So the phrase is irrelevant to me.

I don't agree with you.

Sometimes it's the perfect phrase for what you want to say to someone.

"He's telling you who he is. Listen." Christ on a bike. That's hideous. Surely only for people living in self-help land.

However "he's just not that into you" is useful. It's not therapy-esque. It's just a way of saying it how it is, in a bit of jokey way. And it is so often the truth, and one people struggle to accept. If it saves one person from trying to contort themselves and their personalities to keep the attention of one uninterested bloke then I can stomach it.

Theres the alternative - 'he has a better offer'

'He's not that into you' sums it up perfectly, no matter how much those 'what colour shoes should you wear', 'Match.com Top ten dating fails' articles might tell you otherwise etc

It is common parlance and expresses a point in a way everyone understands

yabu

So sorry about your DP, op.

Ok, without knowing your personal situation it was reasonable to guess that it might bother you becuase you're on the receiving end of some 'he's just not that into you' type behaviour.

I just told you that my partner died. So no I do not get this advice.

What is it that bothers you about it? That as a phrase it's been round for ages and you see it as a bit naff, or is it the sentiment of it that irks you?

I said the way it was overused that bothered me. Not the phrase itself.

Thanks for mocking me earlier and then when I explain my situation you are not even apologetic for doing so.

Oh god, I read 'lost' as 'left' (which is a bad enough situation so no excuse really). Am so sorry OP, I am a fucking idiot

That's unfair to catpants OP. You drip fed that information after the replies to your opening post.

I'm sorry about your partner, must be hard for you.

Maybe the phrase is overused, but it is perfect for many scenarios. I don't use it much, but won't hesitate to if I think it's right.

So sorry about your DP, op.

Thanks Mary I really appreciate you saying that.

Not that this is a popular post at the minute but I will be leaving it for now because I don't want to get upset and say something stupid.

Thank you for those who contributed.

OP I agree, posters roll it out like they invented it. Nearly as bad as the 'did you mean to be so rude' triteness or the despair-inducing .

FWIW I think sometimes people in the middle of a bad relationship often don't see what is obvious to everyone else. It's just a way of delivering the message in a way that can't be misinterpreted. Rip the bandaid off, sort of thing.