to hate how often the phrase "he's just not that into you" is used on here?

[NothingLeftToBurn]

Every single relationship thread I come across where the OP says ...

He cancelled our date
He hasn't replied to my text
He's spending the weekend with his friends.

I always read - "he's just not that into you"

Like it's some holy gospel they have invented.

The first time I heard this phrase was in S&TC and that episode was 12 years ago now.

I get that it's relevant and succinct in some cases, but come on! I think most posters deserve more of a discussion than - he's just not that into you.

That's unfair to catpants OP. You drip fed that information after the replies to your opening post.

Yeah well you know what, life is fucking unfair.

I only gave that information as I felt I was being mocked, and felt it would continue throughout the thread that I was having it said to me.

It was only after I gave out the information about my partner and she continued that I got annoyed. Not before.

I wanted to say that I am unbiased to that phrase because right now it does not apply to me, and probably never will. I don't plan on ever having another relationship.

I am sorry about your partner.

I actually think "He is just not that into you." is better than the alternatives "he is just using you for sex" or "He is just waiting for someone he thinks is better comes along". Is actually imho sweetens the pill a bit. He likes you - but not enough to commit/be the partner you want.

YABsocompletelyU and completely missing the point of the book (which was written by SATC scriptwriters) which you obviously haven't read.

The whole point is that he isn't into you, so stop wasting your time and your mental energy and go and find someone who is. No more if, buts or excuses.

It's a bit glib in places, but is surprisingly essential reading for anyone on the dating scene. If I had the time and money I'd buy bulk loads of copies and post them out to half the posters on Relationships.

It's v American isn't it.

I think I have used it because I thought it was preferable to; "blimey he really doesn't like you, why are you hanging on?"

It's just shorthand - everyone knows exactly what it means with no explanation.

Not just that the man in question is not overly interested, but that the woman is deluding herself and wasting her time.

I think it's an effective and perfectly acceptable expression to repeat!

I see it on here quite often.

I don't think the OP has an issue with the phrase itself, just how often it is used.

I think some of you need to actually reread the opening post, the OP even says the phrase in some situations is "relevant and succinct"

It's often used because it's generally what the problem is in dating/casual relationships Helicopter

AIBU is full of goady fuckers OP, it seems to be the hangout of choice for the hormonal. So I'll see you all in two weeks!

I really dislike the phrase. I think it often (not always, but often) figures women as very passive in the relationship, and men as pursuers. Actually, there can be a lot of reasons why men DON'T rabidly pursue women - fear of coming over as a creep, shyness, sexual anxiety, you name it. Just as there can be a lot of reasons why women feel uncertain at the start of a relationship too.

But there's also nothing necessarily wrong with throwing caution to the wind either - two of the happiest marriages I know started in all the wrong circumstances (on the rebound, whirlwindy, you name it).

YES to not investing emotionally at too early a point in a relationship if you're not comfortable, YES to not wasting time on guys who are clearly playing, YES to women having the power to say 'I can't be arsed with these games', but but NO to the idea that all relationships are the same, and NO to those fixed ideas of gender relations.

It's often used because it's generally what the problem is in dating/casual relationships Helicopter

Well I've seen it given as "advice" to women in a long term relationship and married on here.

Anyway I agree AIBU to definitely full of goady fuckers for sure.