Let me preface this by saying that although the dilemma here is (sort of) benefits related, this is absolutely NOT a benefits bashing thread and I don't want this to turn into a debate about benefits as that's really not constructive and would be missing the point of the thread. Will try to keep this brief but don't want to drip feed.
I have a cousin who is in her mid twenties and is a single Mum to 2 lovely, school aged DC's. We were very close growing up but have drifted apart slightly over the years. We still see each other regularly though and I have remained very close to her Mum, my Aunt.
My Cousin is a SAHM. She claims benefits and does not have any additional income that anyone is aware of. Several family members, friends etc have commented that she seems to have a very extravagant lifestyle (nice car, beautiful privately rented flat in a nice part of town, goes out clubbing and for spa days with friends regularly, only wears designer clothes and same for DC's, always has hair/nails done etc) for someone on a small income. I always try to change the subject as I don't like speculating about other people's finances but more and more people have been mentioning it and it's getting to be very awkward.
One of her DC's had a birthday party a few weeks ago. She had hired a very nice venue in town, a professional photographer, there was a children's entertainer and she had a beautiful three tier cake made. There were a lot of whispers of "this must have cost a fortune!" and "how can she afford this?" from the adults and it made me feel very uncomfortable. I don't like gossip and part of me wanted to tell them to mind their own business but at the same time I could see why they were curious as it was very extravagant for a child's party.
My Aunt came round yesterday and was very upset and tearful, which isn't like her at all. My Cousin had apparently told her that she has booked a two week holiday to Greece in a 5* resort for her and DC's. She has already booked to go to Spain for a week on a friends hen do so my Aunty asked her how could she afford it, where she got the money from etc. My Cousin got very upset and angry, told her Mum to stop interfering in her life and stormed out.
My Aunt told me she is worried that my Cousin is either a.) claiming more than she is entitled to and will get into trouble or b.) living on credit and getting into massive amounts of debt or c.) is involved in something illegal but she has no idea what it could be.
I hated seeing my Aunty so upset (she has had a lot of health problems in the last year and doesn't need the stress) and to be honest, I think her concerns are valid. I work with vulnerable families, many of whom claim benefits so I know that the tabloid tales about unemployed people living like Kings in great big Mansions are absolute bollocks. Most of the single Mum's on benefits I work with really struggle to make ends meet and they freuquently go without to make sure their DC are fed and clothed properly. So, yes, of course I can see that my Cousin's lifestyle just doesn't add up.
My Aunty has asked me to talk to my Cousin and try to find out what is going on. She thinks that she "looks up to" me (not sure about that) and is more likely to open up to me than her Mum or Dad who she accuses of interfering.
I feel very torn. I know my Aunt and Uncle are worried sick and I would like to help but on the other hand I'm reluctant to get involved. I loathe confrontation. It's not in my nature to go around asking people about their personal finances, even if we are related and I can't see it ending well. DH says "don't get involved" and that if she is committing benefit fraud/in debt/whatever then it's her own fault if she gets into trouble. It's not that easy though. I've known this girl her whole life, I love her and I feel responsible for her to an extent. Also there are children involved.
Having turned it over and over in my head, my gut feeling is to keep my nose out but I know my Aunt will be disappointed. So, MN jury, what do you think? Am I being unreasonable to deny my Aunt's request and do nothing? Is there anything to be gained from my getting involved?