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AIBU?

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Original poster

To stop reading a bedtime story to ds?

54 replies

justfoundout2014 · 22/01/2015 21:53

Breaks my heart, but it's just not working for us any more. He is nearly 8 and a very strong reader. What ever we read (recent examples are Harry Potter 1-3, How to train..., Lemony Snicket, etc) within a few nights of a chapter a night from me he reads ahead and either humours me by asking me to read what he's already read, and gets bored, or I read from where he's got to, which is better, but before long he finishes it anyway. The list of books I have read a third of is growing ever longer.

He ruefully admitted tonight that he doesn't enjoy it much and prefers reading himself and going at his own paceSad. He talks to me about what he has read, but I still think there could be a benefit to us reading together (new vocab - he has a dictionary by his bed, but I'm sure he skips over most new words, as I used to at his age), modelling expression, the joy of sharing a story...

It has been lovely part of our routine so I am sad we can't seem to get it to work anymore. DD (5) and he have very different interests, but I have had success with Polly and the Stupid Wolf and Willow Valley books to read to both of them after tea, so any other similar recommendations would be great.

AIBU to give up on the bedtime read?

OP posts:
echt · 22/01/2015 21:59

If he's not enjoying it, then really, don't insist. He 's talking to you about what he's read which is really good, so I'd follow that line. You could read what he's reading independently and keep a convo going that way; DD talked about the Harry Potter books with me when she saw I'd read them.

As for skipping over unfamiliar words, that's really a guess on your part, and the fact that he has a dictionary nearby is good - let him get on with it.

Kewrious · 22/01/2015 22:00

Read different stuff. Around this time my Dad (who is an academic as an explanation) began to read encyclopaedia type things to me. So we would take a topic that has nothing to do with school and we would read and chat about it. Also we began reading poetry at this age. He is an English Professor so taught me how to 'read' poetry IYKWIM. My Dad read to me for ahead actually. We are bilingual with English being our first language but a second language being our mother tongue and he read in that language too. The only other thing is maybe I would read at a different time.

Kewrious · 22/01/2015 22:02

God the typos in that. I hate the mobile app. Not 'for ahead' but for 'for ages' etc. I wouldn't insist on reading if he doesn't like it but I would see that as a time for communication.

browneyedgirl86 · 22/01/2015 22:08

That's a shame your DS seems to be moving away from the story routine. But you should be really pleased he is such a big reader and that's probably come from that.

How about reading different things or have him read bits to you? I have fond memories of my parents reading to me. I always liked it even when I could read myself, my dad was a very good storyteller.

TendonQueen · 22/01/2015 22:08

How about reading a poem together so it's short and he wouldn't 'read ahead' because self-contained, but still with the opportunity to encounter new words? Then he could carry on himself with whatever fiction he's reading.

Starlightbright1 · 22/01/2015 22:09

My DS 7 tends to read to himself mostly .

I listen to him read a few times a week..Even if I have missed the story...

If he isn't enjoying it though it may be time to just let him do it alone rather than put him offreading.

I am pretty sure my DS skim reads but hard to find the balalnce

Goldmandra · 22/01/2015 22:11

Definitely read something different, perhaps a bit more challenging. I read books with more old fashioned language like What Katy Did to DD2 at this age.

How about some Just William or Oliver Twist?

She loved Swallows and Amazons.

Ineedanewone · 22/01/2015 22:15

I was also going to recommend reading poems! Shorter, great for expanding love of language and very relaxing before bedtime. There are some lovely collections out there, have fun googling.

MinceSpy · 22/01/2015 22:15

Have a book to read to him and another for him to read alone

BathTangle · 22/01/2015 22:22

What about sharing the reading? My dad and I used to read all sorts of stuff together: Watership Down was a particular favourite. He would read a couple of pages to me and then I would read a couple of pages to him. As I got older we carried on, right into my late teens, reading all sorts of things he wanted to introduce me to, like the Maigret books and Margery Allingham. It was fun for both of us and meant I kept up my reading out loud, which is something I notice I now never hear my DS (9) do.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 22/01/2015 22:22

My DD who is 11 often races through a fairly challenging book then asks me to read it with her so she can ask
questions or I can explain nuances she might have missed. We don't necessarily read at bedtime but it's nice shared time.

AgadorSpartacus · 22/01/2015 22:22

Can he not just read to you instead? It's the same closeness spending time together just him reading instead.

Still do it with my DS once or twice a week and he's nearly 13.

LemonySmithit · 22/01/2015 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
justfoundout2014 · 22/01/2015 22:44

Great ideas thank you. Don't know why I didn't think of poems - I bought him an anthology for Christmas and he has memorised some, so I know he likes them. Having a different book for him to read alone doesn't work, as once he gets into the bedtime one he always wants to read on!

I would love us to take turns reading, but he hates reading aloud - will do the school books, but would throw a strop if I suggested it at bedtime! Plays, on the other hand, would be great, and that's something we've never done. Off I go to Amazon!

OP posts:
firefly78 · 22/01/2015 22:47

my 7 year old is becoming quite a fluent reader. she read her little brothers bedtime story to him but then begged me to read to her as i rarely do. thank you for reminding me that she will grow out of this and i should enjoy it while i can! :)

littlejohnnydory · 22/01/2015 23:21

My DS is 7.5 and a similar reading level to your son. Just before Christmas he started saying 'no thank you' to the bedtime story and telling me he prefers reading to himself. I feel very sad about it too but it would be more sad to make him and spoil those lovely shared memories of stories we both enjoyed.

His sister is also 5 although we do have younger ones too. They enjoyed listening to The Borrowers and the Narnia books together just before he stopped wanting a story - and previously both liked Roald Dahl, some Jeremy Strong, Mr Gum.

littlejohnnydory · 22/01/2015 23:23

I've had some success at reading graphic novels aloud with him, taking on different characters. Unfortunately they're more his cup of tea than mine!

Violettatrump · 22/01/2015 23:30

We have two books on the go. One I read to him and the other we read together taking turns.

Can you keep one Book on the go and not let him read it at all

Flomple · 22/01/2015 23:59

DD is Y3 and her teacher is adamant they all need to be read to and listened to for a good while yet. The fact DD isn't keen... Well it's tough really. She has at least 3 books on the go at any time - one she is reading with her dad (the Hobbit atm), one reading with me (The school for good and evil), and the zillions she reads by herself. She is sometimes guilty of reading ahead but we both pretend she doesn't!

Harry Potter she's read by herself, we try to do more classics (Swallows and Amazons, Alice in Wonderland, 5 children and it) some of the time with books we read to her, as others have suggested. DS is 6 and quite likes us reading nonfiction to him, so he doesn't have to attempt all the long words himself!

AcrossthePond55 · 23/01/2015 00:07

We went from reading to our DSs to them reading to us and then to them reading on their own for 30 mins or so in bed before lights out.

It is sad to phase out that part of parenthood.

MrsTawdry · 23/01/2015 07:50

My Dd stopped me reading to her at about this age and now she's ten almost 11 and has asked me often to read to her again. It comes back sometimes.

Claybury · 23/01/2015 07:56

DS is 10 and has his own books on the go but he likes to flick through a book at bedtime with me, often non fiction works well for this. Or sometimes we just use the time to chat instead of reading.
Someone said plays - any suggestions ? ( not Shakespeare !)

Starlightbright1 · 23/01/2015 09:04

For practising expression my DS read some of the boys rules series when he was 6..They are great...2 boys. I read one part he read another plus narrator... He really enjoyed them for a while..

nokidshere · 23/01/2015 09:12

Like previous posters we stopped reading stories to them as bedtime activities and started with encyclopedias. We would pick random chapters and have discussions (silly and serious), quizzes, and general chat about whatever subject came up. Then they went to bed to read for half an hour on their own.

Seeline · 23/01/2015 09:16

I don't see the problem with you only having read a third of the book - surely bedtime reading is for his benefit, not yours Confused
I must admit that having done this with Ds and DD for the Harry Potter stories (and often DH reading as well) I decided to read them for myself and actually quite enjoyed them!
My DD is 10 and a very good reader. She still loves me reading to her at bedtime - just a few pages starting from where she left off. When I finish, she carries on for 30 minutes or so before her light goes out. It gives a chance to chat about the book and characters; she'll give me a brief catch-up of what has happened since I last read so I know she is understanding things. Ds is 13, and whilst I don't read to him regularly anymore (mainly because he has homework, and often goes to bed at the same time as me anyway!!), if we are on holiday or something, he still likes me to read occasionally - he says it gives him a different insight as I will interpret characters differently etc.