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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop reading a bedtime story to ds?

54 replies

justfoundout2014 · 22/01/2015 21:53

Breaks my heart, but it's just not working for us any more. He is nearly 8 and a very strong reader. What ever we read (recent examples are Harry Potter 1-3, How to train..., Lemony Snicket, etc) within a few nights of a chapter a night from me he reads ahead and either humours me by asking me to read what he's already read, and gets bored, or I read from where he's got to, which is better, but before long he finishes it anyway. The list of books I have read a third of is growing ever longer.

He ruefully admitted tonight that he doesn't enjoy it much and prefers reading himself and going at his own paceSad. He talks to me about what he has read, but I still think there could be a benefit to us reading together (new vocab - he has a dictionary by his bed, but I'm sure he skips over most new words, as I used to at his age), modelling expression, the joy of sharing a story...

It has been lovely part of our routine so I am sad we can't seem to get it to work anymore. DD (5) and he have very different interests, but I have had success with Polly and the Stupid Wolf and Willow Valley books to read to both of them after tea, so any other similar recommendations would be great.

AIBU to give up on the bedtime read?

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 23/01/2015 09:17

Aw that's sad :( I can see why you're upset about it.

I was also going to suggest reading something that is too difficult for him to read easily himself. But I love the poetry and plays idea!

Is he given specific school books to read still? That's a shame if he's a confident reader. I'm quite pleased the junior school DD is at doesn't do that - she has to just do 20 mins, 4x a week. So it can be anything she wants, which sometimes includes her reading our bedtime story instead of me. If your DS was allowed to do that then he could read something he enjoyed at least?

fuzzpig · 23/01/2015 09:20

I do see seeline's point though - would you be happy to just share the reading, so you do read every night but just accept (however sadly) that you'll only be reading some of it? He could catch you up on the story each night.

TolstoyAteMyHamster · 23/01/2015 09:26

This is interesting because I'm in a similar position with ds (7). I think he'd love plays and poetry - any particular suggestions would be welcome!

BrieAndChilli · 23/01/2015 09:36

Ds1 is a very advanced reader but for some reason likes the Mr men books as a bedtime story!
DH has a huge special edition Lord of the rings book his grandad got him as a child which he reads to ds at bedtime. It's taken months and I think they are just finishing the appendixes at the back! Ds has watched all the films but has liked being read to so he can ask his dad questions about the story.

Original poster
justfoundout2014 · 23/01/2015 10:05

I don't mind not reading the whole of those books! I just meant that we are not really sharing the story, iyswim, and it seems to me to make it less of a meaningful activity.

He is a free-reader and can choose from a wide variety of school books: it is not the books themselves he objects to, but the reading aloud of them - he hates the process of reading aloud - a shame as he is a lovely reader with great expression.

I am going to have a look at some of the classics, poetry and plays. The trouble is, he is very stubborn and opinionated and quick to resist my suggestions. I am reluctant to make reading a chore by forcing my choices on him when he has so many of his own ideas passions that he wants to follow.

OP posts:
LadyEnglefield · 23/01/2015 10:07

I've had the same thing happen with my DTDs (9).

They like different books, DTD1 loves Harry Potter but DTD2 isn't so keen. Both like to read by themselves.

I kind of miss the bedtime reading routine so we all read together from a different book. They have to read aloud at least 4 times a week for their school reading record so we've picked Goodnight Mr Tom as their topic this term is WW2.

It's helped them as we've been able to discuss topics such as evacuees, air raids etc and I've explained some of the expressions they didn't understand. We're having lots of laughs trying to read Tom's bits with a West Country accent (like John Thaw in the film which DTD2 loves).

It's working...it means they read aloud, I can keep a check on how they're reading is progressing and we have fun snuggled up under a throw together like the old days!

FriendlyLadybird · 23/01/2015 10:12

I got used to reading only a third (or less) of a book -- but I always also read the books myself so that I could have a sensible discussion about the characters. DD (7) tolerates my reading about three pages before she wants to take over herself, but we still have the fun of sharing the book.

Over the Christmas holidays I read The Dark is Rising to both DS (13) and DD -- snuggled up in front of the fire, it was really atmospheric!

I certainly agree about poetry. Michael Rosen's poems are great for reading out loud and he has written many in which there are 'parts' so DD and I read them together. AA Milne's poems are also good I've still got The King's Breakfast by heart, and Bad Sir Brian Bottomley (the latter a very great favourite). Another childhood favourite of mine was The Lion and Albert my siblings, cousins and I would deliver this lugubriously at family gatherings. Don't forget Robert Louis Stevenson, A Child's Garden of Verses -- and there are loads of very good anthologies which combine classics with more contemporary verse.

Julia Donaldson has written quite a lot of plays. Ted Hughes also wrote a collection of plays for children, but I don't know how good they are.

maninawomansworld · 23/01/2015 18:47

My kids are on 2 so we've not got to this stage yet but when my 8 year old nephew visits we sit and read together for half an hour before bed.

We sit on his bed, I read my book and he reads his. We generally sit in silence but it's lovely sat there together, we both get a lot from it.

Chavaloy · 23/01/2015 18:55

This thread has made me feel sad. We've not read to DS(8) for ages. All too rushed with homework and his own reading. I've just asked him and he said he'd like us to read to him too (though not sure if an excuse for him not to read!). Am going to do it tonight! Thank you.

brokenhearted55a · 23/01/2015 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 23/01/2015 19:02

Are there any famous people or historical figures who interest him? Maybe try a Biography/Autobiography.

skylark2 · 23/01/2015 20:00

Nearly EIGHT?

I've no idea why you'd read a bedtime story to a strong seven year old reader who doesn't want to be read to. Both mine had long since told me to get stuffed by then, since reading out loud is so much slower than reading silently to yourself and they wanted to know what would happen next!

I'd switch to talking about the books with him. Actually I'd have done it several years ago.

LoblollyBoy · 23/01/2015 20:12

This is a parenting highlight for me too, so I can see that it's sad. A couple of thoughts, though.

I was a big reader as a child, I still like to read a fair amount and I am very bookish and have amazing memories of childhood books, bookish wonder and book lust. No fond memories of my parents reading to me. None.

You could substitute some bedtime maths. There's an American website that promotes this, and she has a couple of books out, I don't know enough about seven year olds to know if they would be the right level, but The idea could easily be adapted to maths and puzzle books, it's simply to work on a calculation or puzzle together.

fuzzpig · 23/01/2015 20:28

My DD loves doing maths at bedtime, albeit by herself (I read to her first) - it's funny as she really struggles with maths, but she is really improving since starting this.

yetanotherchangename · 23/01/2015 20:32

I either read classics - stuff they wouldn't read to themselves like The Secret Garden, Swallows and Amazons - or short stories to mine now. They actually read their own books to themselves while I'm doing it, but they still like it.

simpson · 23/01/2015 20:39

I have not read a bedtime story to DS now 9 since he was about 6 as he didn't want one anymore Sad

DD (6) doesn't like one either but she does like us to read books together (she reads a few pages to me & I read a few to her, then we chat about what we have read).

PotteringAlong · 23/01/2015 20:44

How about audio books for the car that you could listen to together?

RoundRobinSparkles · 23/01/2015 20:50

I stopped reading to DD1 (aged 7) quite a while ago. She seemed to get a bit frustrated with my reading and started to prefer reading to herself.
I do read to my 3 year old. Sometimes DD1 will listen to one of DD2's stories but sometimes she'll be off reading something of her own.

Your DS will work out what new words mean eventually.

MrsKCastle · 23/01/2015 20:55

What about trying some of the many picture books that are suitable for older readers? That way you can read them in a single session and there's often lots to discuss.

Our local library has a special section for these books, marked as 'O' (Older reader). I'm thinking of authors like:
Shaun Tan
Chris van Allsburg
Anthony Browne
David Wiesner

TheWanderingUterus · 23/01/2015 21:26

I had a similar problem with DD who is now 9, we have found other things to do:

I read classic books to her with old fashioned language, so she can ask questions as we go along e.g the children of the new forest, the princess and the goblin. They are much more understandable when read aloud.
Top Trumps
Quiz books
Dictionary games e.g. she tries to find a word I dont know in the dictionary
Brainbox boxes
Moral dilemma type things e.g. what would you do if?
Short story collections
Work books/puzzle books
Borrow some of her younger brother's shorter and simpler books.
Spotting books like Wheres Wally, we take a page each.
Story cubes/story maker cards.

Hygellig · 23/01/2015 21:34

I've been trying to remember my parents reading bedtime stories to me, and whilst they certainly did so, I have no memory of this, so I think I must have been quite young when they stopped (either that or my memories of early childhood are poor). My niece and nephew are 12 and 10 and are still read to each evening, but I'm pretty sure that I wasn't at that age. I was a fluent reader quite early on and probably preferred to read by myself; I still much prefer reading to listening to an audiobook as I can read very quickly.

Maybe you could just talk about the books that he's read together? I also like a PP's suggestion of looking at an entry in an encyclopedia, or reading a poem or short story.

Morloth · 23/01/2015 21:46

DS1 now reads to me a bit for his bed time story.

Good for practicing reading out loud.

fuzzpig · 23/01/2015 21:49

My mum was usually too busy to read to me so it's quite important to me. Thankfully DD (7 and a good reader but not amazing) shows no sign of wanting me to stop yet! She does like reading to herself a bit - although she prefers drawing/writing/maths in bed - but loves me reading to her more than anything. She even prefers me to choose the books (when we go to the library she just gets overwhelmed and stands there like a lemon :o) so I'm reliving my favourites and some others I'd never got round to reading myself.

I was REALLY disappointed to learn that DD's class is reading stig of the dump. I'd always looked forward to doing that one (will have to get in there quicker with DS!)

Anyway your situation is of course different as he is more advanced and specifically doesn't want to be read to, and that should be respected - but I do think it'd be good to try and find something else you could do together. I love the suggestions above. It's a really nice ritual to have something like that I think even (especially?) if it's not the usual stories! :)

butterfliesinmytummy · 23/01/2015 21:55

Have him read to you. Reading aloud with expression, using punctuation in speech and pronouncing new words is a different skill that he won't be practicing when he reads to himself. Our school advises that kids read aloud 20 minutes a day until age 11 or 12 .... My 10 yo still does this.

Pannacotta · 23/01/2015 22:07

I would try some different books, as well as poetry.
I read to my DSs who are 10 and 7 at the same time. They have enjoyed things which are a bit magical/unusual such as Iron Man, Lobb, Stig of the dump, Thief Lord, Rooftoppers. We read Blue Moon Day by Anne Fine recently and that went down well too.

I agree with the Michael Rosen recommendation.

I think reading him books or plays/poetry which are too hard for him will capture his attention.
And chat about the books he reads on his own too.
I sometimes just sit and chat with the DSs at bedtime and don't read, they do their own thing, and that is nice for everyone too.