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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my dad would take back this money.

45 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 22/01/2015 21:48

I borrowed £30 from my dad due to poor planning of my budget, I moved out 10 years ago and this was the first time I have ever asked my dad to loan me money.

Tried to pay it back today and he will not take it.

He said I take my mother ( his wife) shopping every week also run my mum to the care home where my nan ( my maternal nan) is living. Plus I also give them my Netflix user name and password. He then said to treat myself with the money.

However I want to pay it back as I believe if you borrow cash from friends or family it should be paid back Asap

OP posts:
PenelopePitstops · 22/01/2015 21:49

Sounds like he can afford it and appreciates everything you do. Enjoy the money.

LadyLuck10 · 22/01/2015 21:50

He's your dad, not some random person. Do yourll not do things for each other without having to pay it back?

thegreylady · 22/01/2015 21:51

He is your dad, you do a lot for them. He is happy to help you as any good parent would be. Let him do that and buy a little treat for him and your mum eg a cake or some sweets.

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 22/01/2015 21:53

You believe it should be paid back, your dad believes he can treat his daughter. You are both right, you've held up your end of the deal now he's exercising his. Why is it a problem for you?

IHeartChristmasMoomies · 22/01/2015 21:54

He is your dad, it's £30 not £30000, he has said you have 'earned' it.

Stop trying to take the moral highground when you don't need to here! (I mean that nicely btw Smile)

listsandbudgets · 22/01/2015 21:54

He's obviously decided to gift it to you and really appreciates all the hard work and support you put into your family.

Why not start a savings account with it so that if you make a budgeting mistake again its there as a backup. Even a tiny amount of savings can help.

HSMMaCM · 22/01/2015 21:55

You have already paid it back. He probably felt he owed you.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 22/01/2015 21:56

It's only £30. Why the drama? Enjoy the nice gesture.

ShatnersBassoon · 22/01/2015 21:56

Accept it and don't give it any thought. Would you like your parents to feel awkward and embarrassed to accept the lifts, Netflix etc, or would you rather they carried on gladly accepting what you can do for them?

SaucyJack · 22/01/2015 21:56

You probably spend it on petrol running your mum around in a month. Relax.

MsVestibule · 22/01/2015 21:56

Don't embarrass your dad by insisting he takes it. You're his daughter, he appreciates that you take the time (and presumably incur petrol costs) to drive your mum around and it's his way of saying thank you.

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 22/01/2015 21:57

I know he can afford it, he is on £800 minimum a week.

I just feel uneasy accepting the money

OP posts:
IssyStark · 22/01/2015 21:57

You tried to repay the loan but your dad has decided to convert it to a present instead. Accept his gift graciously. It's not often dads get the chance to give their grown up daughters a treat Smile

minionmadness · 22/01/2015 21:59

But that's what family do isn't it... they help each other out in whatever way they can.

You help them with lifts, they help you with some money, same thing.

Theselittlelightsofmine · 22/01/2015 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShatnersBassoon · 22/01/2015 22:00

Why uneasy? There's obviously give and take here. Just drop it or your dad will feel embarrassed. It's worth swallowing your pride to make your dad feel good.

HerrenaHarridan · 22/01/2015 22:04

Just go and buy some wine :)

justmyview · 22/01/2015 22:05

I think YANBU. If he chose to give you £30, that would be a kind gift. You asked to borrow it, so I agree that it should be repaid. Suggest you point out to him that if he refuses to accept it, then you won't feel that you can ask to borrow money again in future, should the need arise.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 22/01/2015 22:07

Think of it this way. It is actually selfish to want to be the one always giving while denying the other person the joy of giving it also makes them feel bad and unequal.

wigglesrock · 22/01/2015 22:10

I think you're being a bit if a drama llama tbh. You do stuff for your parents, me too. I give lifts, pick up silly bits & pieces, run around like an eejit getting kids birthday presents etc. Occasionally if I've run out of change, am trying to make change for dinners my mum or dad gives me a tenner, when I give it back to them the next day they won't take it. I don't take the piss with it, I'd do the same for them.

Cabrinha · 22/01/2015 22:11

What else is going on here, OP?
I don't think it's "normal" to have an issue saying "oh there's no need dad but thanks, I appreciate it - love you".

LadyLuck10 · 22/01/2015 22:12

Why the big drama over this? He's your dad. Do you keep a tally over everything and do tit for tat. He's happy to give it to you no big deal.

Wantsunshine · 22/01/2015 22:18

I would feel insulted if I were your dad by the way you're reacting. You know he can afford it easily but for some odd reason he can't give you a very small gift.

ImperialBlether · 22/01/2015 22:20

He knows how much you do for them and he's grateful. He's treating you.

If you feel bad, why not hide the money somewhere and use it if you get stuck again?

Btw I wish my daughter had your scruples! I have to shake her upside down to get my money back!

cozietoesie · 22/01/2015 22:33

Just use it to give them a nice meal. £30 probably wouldn't get them a good restaurant meal these days but you should all be able to have a decent carry out with that and a bottle of wine from you as a Thank You. The three of you might thoroughly enjoy it.

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