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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my dad would take back this money.

45 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 22/01/2015 21:48

I borrowed £30 from my dad due to poor planning of my budget, I moved out 10 years ago and this was the first time I have ever asked my dad to loan me money.

Tried to pay it back today and he will not take it.

He said I take my mother ( his wife) shopping every week also run my mum to the care home where my nan ( my maternal nan) is living. Plus I also give them my Netflix user name and password. He then said to treat myself with the money.

However I want to pay it back as I believe if you borrow cash from friends or family it should be paid back Asap

OP posts:
drbonnieblossman · 22/01/2015 22:38

Let him treat you. Families do this! You help in lots of ways which are far more valuable to your parents than money. Your dad wants to do something for you in a way he knows will help.

You would do the same for your children, if you were in a position to do so, wouldn't you?

sillymillyb · 22/01/2015 22:47

Me and my mum joke that we have a shared £20 cos we are always passing it back and forward between us depending on who needs it at that moment.

Unless there's something bigger going on, just say thanks and keep the bloody money! No big deal!

Moreisnnogedag · 22/01/2015 22:50

Me and my mom have a similar thing to silly - one month I loan my mom, the next she me. The amount varies with occasional write offs but it all comes out in the wash.

hesterton · 22/01/2015 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maras2 · 22/01/2015 22:59

We know that both of our adult kids would have to be in dire straits to even contemplate asking us for financial help so we would never accept repayment.It's only happened once or twice and although they try to insist,we refuse to take their money.Let your dad help,it's what parents do.

ChippingInLatteLover · 22/01/2015 23:07

Actually, if he's on good money and you are not, but are running your Mum around I think he's taking the piss not giving you petrol money each month tbh.

5Foot5 · 22/01/2015 23:10

Have you got any children of your own OP? If so, try to imagine 20 years from now when you might be comfortably off and one of them needed a small amount of money to tide them over. You would want to help wouldn't you?

NiceCupOfTeaAndALittleSitDown · 22/01/2015 23:16

Your dad sounds lovely. And so do you.

You're doing a lot of things for your parents and he probably feels he should be doing them but can't at his time of life, this is his way of saying thank you. Accept it graciously and if you do feel strongly then put it towards a meal you can cook for them or a take out - then you're paying it back in kind.

Inertia · 22/01/2015 23:16

Think of it as petrol money.

Fanfeckintastic · 22/01/2015 23:27

There has to be more to this?

AcrossthePond55 · 22/01/2015 23:51

Do you have reason to believe that at some point Dad will 'hold it over your head' that you 'owe him'? If so, just leave the £30 on the table where he'll see it next time you're there.

If not, if Dad is simply being generous from his heart, then you need to give him the happiness that 'treating you' brings him. Accepting his generosity will repay him more than the actual £30 ever would.

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 22/01/2015 23:57

I have 2 dc.

I will get my hair done, not been cut for over 4 years.

No back story.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 23/01/2015 00:38

Good girl! Your dad will be so pleased.

The reason I said what I did is that my brother is like you, he hates to be 'beholden' to anyone, even for a small thing. DH & I have been blessed with this world's goods, my brother much less so. It's so hard for him to accept things from me, even though he knows there are no strings attached. It makes me happy when he does.

UptheChimney · 23/01/2015 08:49

Gosh, I'm 5o-something & my dad's in his 80s. If he gave me £30 I'd still see it as a gift. It's unlikely to happen, as I support my parents a fair bit financially, but still. He's your father!

MrsTawdry · 23/01/2015 08:56

It's awkward. My mum needed her house painting but didn't seem to be able to afford the paint so DH just went and bought it....and painted it for her. She is insisting she pay us back for the paint and we'd just rather not take it but we see that it's a matter of pride for her.

She helps me out with lifts all the time and won't take petrol so I saw the paint as a good way to pay back...but no.

PumpkinsMummy · 23/01/2015 09:40

It sounds likeyou have a good relationship, so I suspect your dad has spotted an opportunity to treat his generous and otherwise independant daughter. Especially as you do a lot for them I expect he is thrilled to be able to do this. Enjoy your haircut.

ssd · 23/01/2015 09:46

this is a nice thread. you sound lovely and so is your dad. let him treat you, he will really like to do this for you xx

lottiesatitagain · 23/01/2015 09:51

I don't get the issue for £30...be gracious and say thank you. Then go get your hair cut.

SoupDragon · 23/01/2015 09:55

You offered it back, he refused, you need to graciously accept.

My dad always pays when we go out for lunch. I always offer but he wants to pay so I let him. It isn't worth fighting over and it makes him happy :)

UptheChimney · 23/01/2015 10:36

this is a nice thread. you sound lovely and so is your dad. let him treat you, he will really like to do this for you

Yes! Sometimes the nicest thing we can do for others is to accept their gifts graciously, no matter how much we don't want to feel beholden.

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