to think -women, what´s gone so wrong?

[isaidlesbonotasbo]

Long time lurker, can´t sit on this one any longer.

Fifty years ago I and many other women fought for equality and womens rights. After a long struggle the western world conceded (OK, only up to a point, still a way to go), but things are so very different now.

Fifty years of books, magazines, tv, movies, pop music, education, the internet, showing us very different templates of how womens´ lives can be.
So why do I read here every day of young women who have chosen lazy, abusive, controlling, or selfish partners. Women who apparently must have such low self esteem that they think they deserve no better? Women from all parts of society.

And not only the pleas from the women who have just woken up to the situation they are in, but almost worse the everyday asides from seemingly contented women as part of other topics, which casually mention how OH, DH, DP ´won´t´or ´can`t´ do such and such, or relly´helps´, or spends endless hours and money on his own hobbies.

Sometimes there´s almost competetive banter re how ¨useless¨ their partners are, bless ´em!

Put aside the very real problems of leaving such relationships once stuck in them, why start them in the first place with all the choices available to us? We don´t have forced or compulsory marriage/partnership. Last time I looked, the Taliban were not in charge nor religious leaders all powerful.

And if the answer is that girls and women are socialised within their family of origin to feel worthless, let´s push the question back at their mothers and grandmothers - feminism did not start last week!

(and don´t get me started on who plays the biggest part in raising,
socialising and entitling these men from their early years....)

Did you mean to post this 5 times?

Perhaps we are victims of our "fix him" mentality - comes with the Y chromosome.....

Merde no! have reported in hope of getting it rectified.

I have a Y and no 'fix him' mentality

OP you are just generalising - and human beings are complicated and crap and products of wider society which is far from a feminist paradise

and yabu

totally agree..

I think you are looking at a lot of complex issues in a very simplistic way.

Owlina, yes of course life is not cut and dried. But does this mean we can´t step up and take responsibilty for our important life choices? Are we children?

Ghosty, no we are not in a feminist Paradise. But we are half the population and we have tremendous input as mothers and teachers etc in guiding the other half from birth onwards.

I am not blaming women, just asking if we do not have responsibility and opportunity to effect change.

Or would it be more feminist to say oh well, we are just victims who did nothing to cause anything.

My partner is useless at housework and cooking. I'm rubbish at DIY and maintaining the cars. I have a bit of a moan some times to friends whos husbands are mostly quite similar to him but I love him to bits and I wouldn't leave him because he hasn't made the tea any more than he would leave me because I haven't checked the oil in my car. If its old fashioned to some ,that's fine, it works for us. No one is forcing you into a relationship with someone you see as hopeless so why is it such an issue for you what others choose.

So you think these women are enabling their partners behaviour so blaming women not very sisterly is it.

Personally I look at things another way.

You talk about feminism, your whole post in a really simplistic way, just shits on women.

Things may be different, but with changes comes different problems and issues to navigate.

When you say this, "Put aside the very real problems of leaving such relationships once stuck in them, why start them in the first place with all the choices available to us?"
Are you talking about shit and or abusive relationships only, or all relationships?

kids don't grow up in a vacuum - I am raising 3 girls - I am a feminist - doesn't stop them being influenced AT all by all the other shite and bollox out there

I can only hope to raise them to survive it all with a bit of fight - it's not as simple as 'women sort it out'

we have very little power - you act like feminism had won!

and you ARE blaming women - for the behaviour of men which is condoned, nurtured and encouraged in our patriarchal society

What has taking responsibility got to do with abusive relationships? Do you think abuse starts on a first date and people just chose to take it?

Interesting choice of username.

Iam- I am referring to abusive relationships. Of course the majority are non abusive relationships.

I am not blaming all individual women in individual relationships for their partners behaviour all the time, but both as mothers and partners we do often enable it. And women do have considerable influence, especially with children.

We accept in other circumstances that families play a large part in forming attitudes. We say to women LTB so as, among other things, not to model abusive relationships to their children.

So why should the efforts that women make to model positive relationships become so easily scuppered by the patriarchy.

The so called patriarchy exists because we let it.

Unfortunately although I reported that the thread appeared multiple times in the Topic list, there are still two threads on the go and I am having a job replying thoughtfully on each one.

oh bite me

if you are a feminist I am the fucking pope

Squeezy That´s a rather passive/aggresssive comment! What are you trying to say? Not cheesy or weaselly enough!

Which thread should we be posting on

ghosty, or should I call you Francis! I am very much a feminist, even if I question some of it´s sacred cows sometimes. I´ll pass on the biting offer, thanks.

Sorry- what groundbreaking legislation was enacted in 1965 then?

And how old were you?

I think we need to ask why men are continuing to abuse the women they are in relationships with, or the ones they aren't in many cases, avoid housework and childcare so often, belittle women (did you see that thing about the Australian commentator asking the female tennis start to "do a twirl" today, bet that never happens to men), think that it's OK to continue publishing photos of topless women in a "family" newspaper. The list goes on.

My god that's without doubt the judgyest op I have ever, ever read on here! I'm actually.

Can you really not imagine why women enter relationships? Are you really do lacking?

Get your head out of your arse and wake up to real life. Are you perfect??

FOR FUCKS SAKE

I was not saying at all you were saying most relationships were abusive, I was unsure if you were talking about why people get into abusive relationship (which I disagree with anyway, but using you thought process), or why women have relationships at all.

The so called patriarchy exists because we let it.

Maybe we still have problems because you did not do a good enough job of sorting things previously.

Iam. No, I was not questioning why women have relationships at all. I certainly did not do good enough job of sorting things out previously, but myself and millions of other women did stop and say, hang on, this isn´t good enough.

We fought for the rights within marriage, including the right not to be raped. We achieved more financial autonomy. I could not have got mortgage in my name when Young. We started the refuge movement, and made it socially aceptable to be a single parent, even unmarried.

In fact we were too busy to burn our bras!!

Well thank you so much op for your sacrifice