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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this was completely inappropriate?

52 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 21/01/2015 16:34

I actually don't think I'm being u at all, but I really didn't know what to say.

The man I sit next to at work is a bit annoying but today he started telling me how his wife wants another baby, fair enough. He then started telling me that's she'll have to have her coil taken out. Ok.

Then he told me how sex really hurts her and how it really puts him off coming, and how he doesn't even get halfway in before she says that he's too big.

I quickly tried to change the subject but he then went in to tell me how his wife was a virgin before they met, and how he definitely wasn't and had, had many, many sexual partners. Followed by a bit more about how sex hurts his wife and she tells him he's too 'big'. The irony is he's a really, really small guy.

Not sure whether I did the right thing by just changing the subject, we definitely don't have a friendship where is expect him to be sharing stuff like that with me.

OP posts:
KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 21/01/2015 16:35

Smile and nod.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2015 16:35

Not appropriate at all. HR? Manager?

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 21/01/2015 16:36

That's basically what I did.

I'm not sure whether he was trying to prove something or after some advice.

Either way if he hasn't figured it out by his age there's no helping him.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 21/01/2015 16:37

Sad little man. does his wife actually exist, even?

Jackieharris · 21/01/2015 16:38

Ewww

britbat · 21/01/2015 16:38

Tell him to stop talking to you about sex.

If he continues or doesn't take you seriously, tell him you'll tell HR about it.

If that doesn't shut him up, tell HR.

Keep a note of what he's said and when he's said it.

kaykayred · 21/01/2015 16:39

Do you share a line manager?

I would speak to your manager and say that he has been talking AT you about extremely inappropriate and sexually explicit issues, and you are not comfortable with it. Outline the exact nature of what he was saying without exaggeration or down playing.

It will be for your manager to sit him down and tell him that actually, no, his female colleagues don't want to hear about the size of his cock, and he is venturing into dangerous territory.

If he does it again before this has happened, then you do need to interrupt him and say "This is totally inappropriate for a workplace. Stop it".

I know it's shit, and I'm so sorry this happened to you

What a douchebag

Marmiteandjamislush · 21/01/2015 16:40

Yuck! I'd be making a formal complaint. It sounds like he was turning himself on.

MrsDiesel · 21/01/2015 16:40

How strange. Maybe he was coming on to you telling you how big and experienced he is.

MrsCakesPrecognition · 21/01/2015 16:40

Sexual harassment, sounds like he was looking for a reaction from you - definitely talk to HR.

MmeLindor · 21/01/2015 16:41

No, don't smile and nod. He's basically saying 'I've got a big knob, do you want it?'.

If he says anything like this again tell him that you don't want to listen to him talk about his sex life. If he persists then speak to HR.

mrsruffallo · 21/01/2015 16:43

I wouldn't go running off to a manager now. I would confront him first and tell him how uncomfortable he made me and that I feel it is inappropriate. Surely if you are all adults you don't have to complain to a manager immediately.

AntiHop · 21/01/2015 16:43

Yanbu. Totally inappropriate for him to say those things. Sounds like a creep.

InanimateCarbonRod · 21/01/2015 16:43

Don't wait. Go and make an official complaint to HR. Totally inappropriate. I echo other sentiments that he was getting off on it. Eww.

NorwaySpruce · 21/01/2015 16:44

He's not actually having sex with anyone at all is he? Grin

And he's hoping his 'prowess' will have you eating out of his hand.

Tell him you couldn't be less interested, and that you'll be hightailing it to HR if he doesn't shut up.

Shockers · 21/01/2015 16:46

Yuck. Firmly tell him that normal folk don't talk about their sex lives at work.

His poor wife.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 21/01/2015 16:47

Yes we share a manager although she has a terrible reputation for dealing with any issues. In an ideal world I should report something like that but in reality I know I'd still have to work with him.

I don't think he was coming into me, I think he just really wants people to believe his own hype, others have noticed and commented.

OP posts:
Aridane · 21/01/2015 16:47

er, smile & nod - no - tell him you don't need to hear this. If he persist, refer upward / HR-wise

NotYouNaanBread · 21/01/2015 16:48

Yuck. I would report to line manager.

Mrsruffallo - he KNEW it was inappropriate. He KNEW it was making his listener uncomfortable. Is there any planet on which you would tell a make colleague how tight your vagina is and how you'd love another baby, but it's just so TIGHT you don't know how your husband could even penetrate you? No. Probably not. He knew what he was saying.

If he is so devoid of social awareness that he thinks that because you are a woman you are perfectly happy to talk about really intimate details about conception etc. then a sharp prod from his line manager will disabuse him of that notion.

Branleuse · 21/01/2015 16:48

tell him that hes making you feel awkward because noone wants to hear about his massive cock or his and his wifes marital issues, and apologies if you somehow havent made that clear enough, but could we possibly go back to talking about work issues.

NotYouNaanBread · 21/01/2015 16:48

MALE colleague, obv.

mrsruffallo · 21/01/2015 16:50

You can sharp prod him yourself. A manager if it persists but initially she can sort it out herself, I am sure.

Branleuse · 21/01/2015 16:53

yeah i definitely think you need to say something to him first before involving a manager if you can

MargotLovedTom · 21/01/2015 16:55

If he brings it up again just say "I really don't need to know this!". If he doesn't get the message after that then have a word with your line manager, although she doesn't sound to be much use either.

I definitely wouldn't be smiling and nodding though. Looking faintly repulsed and with "TMI!!" written all over my face would be my preferred reaction.

FiveExclamations · 21/01/2015 16:55

Depends how far you want to go with this but, if you have a calender/diary/organiser I would make a cryptic note so you can remember the date and save the link to this thread somewhere.

If he never goes mega inappropriate again it won't do any harm, if he does I would politely say something like, "sorry to hear that you are having problems, but I'm not comfortable talking about something so personal with you." If he keeps on or there are multiple occasions repeat variations on that theme and follow up with your boss or HR as appropriate. Stay calm and polite and use the company procedures and keep notes of times, dates and what was said.