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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my daughters to you for a phone?

47 replies

bumblebeerat · 20/01/2015 21:28

She thinks I am! She is going to be turning 10 next month and all she keeps asking for is a phone she can play games on and contact us as "all her friends have them".

I've told her she's to young and as she doesn't go anywhere on her own there is no need for her to have one. I'm probably old fashioned I know but I can't see why a 10 year old needs one. Then again we don't have anything like games consoles or tablets for our 3 either. She uses my phone now and again for making loom bands but that's it.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 20/01/2015 21:32

I'm not sure why she never goes anywhere on her own, or if there's some sort of background to that?

But if/when she does start, she should at least have a cheap PAYG so she can contact you.

Twooter · 20/01/2015 21:33

I would get her an iPod touch or similar so she can play the games that her peers are playing and not feel socially excluded, which is possibly what is happening.

SavoyCabbage · 20/01/2015 21:35

My dd has an itouch. She can listen to music/audio books, play games and send iMessages.

I think most kids have something like that. Where I live, it's the norm to get a phone in year six, ready for high school when they will be travelling there themselves.

My thinking was, I wanted her to have one when I could still control it. I can talk to her about texting whereas she probably won't listen on a couple of years. She is only allowed iMessage for communicating with her friends. Not kik or snapchat or Instagram.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 20/01/2015 21:37

Id definetly get her somethig to game on. Ipod, ds, kindle fire (added bonus of being a Kindle too). Then as and when she starts tootling out to the shops or secondary school on her own, get her a cheap, basic payg phone.

FightOrFlight · 20/01/2015 21:52

Why do you need to borrow a phone to make loombands?

Confused
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 20/01/2015 21:55

Maybe to watch Youtube tutorials?

FightOrFlight · 20/01/2015 22:01

Maybe to watch Youtube tutorials?

Ah, right. I thought perhaps she was stretching them around the phone or something! I'm not familiar with loom bands, having two grown up boys Grin

Youtube uses a shitload of data download, I'd use a laptop/computer instead but perhaps OP doesn't have one of those.

My phone is a £12 Tesco PAYG one from 5 years ago - doesn't even have a camera!

WorraLiberty · 20/01/2015 22:03

I was going to suggest using a laptop/computer for game playing

LynetteScavo · 20/01/2015 22:07

My 9yo was desperate for a phone - she has access to ipad, pc and has a nook, but she really, really wanted a phone...to chat to people. Hmm

She has found an old one of DH, which he bought to use for a few days while waiting for his new phone to arrive, so is very, very basic. So far she has phoned her brothers in their bedrooms from the living room. Hmm She seems very pleased with it. Because phones are only owned by people above a certain age, and so she feels very grown up, despite having no one to call.

IneedAwittierNickname · 20/01/2015 22:28

Ds1 is 10 and doesn't have a phone. Like your dd op be never goes anywhere on his own. I've told him he can have one in the summer ready for secondary school.

Original poster
bumblebeerat · 20/01/2015 23:41

She doesn't go our on her own as she has never wanted to. Well she walks home from school by herself but it's 5 mins away. She uses our laptop but only for homework and using paint. I know I sound like I'm from the dark ages. My other problem with it is last year we got her a kobo for her birthday and she doesn't look after it

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 20/01/2015 23:56

Mine got one for Christmas - a cheap contract one. She's 9.5, she does go out on her own - round to her friends, she calls round to her friends, down to the shops for me. She has made the grand total of about 3 calls on it, her friends do have phones. Although tbh having heard her conversations it's all very dull "what are you doing?", "nothing what are you doing?", "nothing, bye", "ok bye". She sends funny texts to my mum, mainly involving kittens and countdown to holidays.

Theboodythatrocked · 21/01/2015 00:07

When your first reaction is a no look
Carefully and think is it a valid safe guarding absolute no or us it something we can look at, investigate together and compromise over?

Pick your battles and at 10 my kids were in school buses to middle schools so needed phones.

Charlie97 · 21/01/2015 06:52

Is there a reason why you don't have tablets/games consoles in e the home? Surely that socially excludes your children? Isn't it what children do nowadays? Obviously not all day but some time spent on these types of items is not harmful?

Do you think when the spinning top came out, mumsnetters back then were refusing their children theses new fangled items Grin

I would say it's appropriate to have a phone at high school, for contacting re after school activities etc.

Original poster
bumblebeerat · 21/01/2015 07:10

She doesn't go out on her own apart from yo the shop down the road or to the park opposite as she doesn't want to. Her best friend isn't aloud out at all or to goto/have friends round so think that has alot to do with it.

The reason we font have those things is we have no use for then and up until 4 months ago we didn't have a laptop due to being out of work and not being able to afford one. Lots of people where we live don't have computers at all (it's not all like benefit street lol).

The main thing that puts me against it is the fact she doesn't look after things

OP posts:
ChocolateOranges · 21/01/2015 09:04

The main thing that puts me against it is the fact she doesn't look after things

Get her a cheap n cheerful phone with the instructions that she must look after it to prove she's able to be trusted with something more expensive for next Christmas, maybe. The ball is then in her court.

I'm no good on which phone to recommend, sorry. All I know is my i-phone and I sometimes need my daughter to help me with that! Grin

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2015 09:51

So she does go out on her own if she goes to school, the shop and the park Confused

You can pick her up a PAYG for around £8 brand new or even less if it's second hand on Ebay.

Given that phone boxes are now like hen's teeth, I'd say it's an absolute must for kids who go out alone.

Original poster
bumblebeerat · 21/01/2015 09:56

What I mean by going out alone is she doesn't go anywhere for longer than 5 mins the park I can see from my window and the shop is on a go strait there and back basis it's next to the school so like I said not far at all

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/01/2015 10:00

Ok well you're the parent so it's your choice.

But if for example she popped to the shop and was gone for ages (maybe she got chatting to a friend), I'm quite sure you'd want a way of contacting her.

ArsenicFaceCream · 21/01/2015 10:06

YANBU! Mobile phones for (non latchley) primary aged DC is ridiculous.

And smart phones for young secondary DC are a seriously bad idea too.

I don't know when this idea took hold that it was a parent's job to buckle to the children's peer pressure Sad

(Needing a smart for loombanding! FFS Confused )

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2015 10:10

When my kids were in Primary they would go to the park for 3 or 4 hours to play football.

I can't for the life of me see what's ridiculous about giving them a cheap PAYG so we could contact each other Confused

I agree that smartphones are unnecessary but not bog standard cheapos.

confused79 · 21/01/2015 10:12

Partners children didn't really get smartphones until they were at least in their teens, before that they just had cheap ones to contact their parents if they went out. However, they had a computer both here and their mum's to play games so maybe a cheap tablet?

dragdownthemoon · 21/01/2015 10:19

My DS is ten and he has just acquired my old iPhone as I got an upgrade. He was very excited when he first got it, sent iMessages to his friends, texted his nana etc :) it is now in his bedroom, out of charge and has been for about three days. It is PaYG and I put £10 on it and I hope that will last a long time, he doesn't have any need to call anyone from it really. He has candy crush on it.

I think the idea of having one is more exciting than actually having it, it is the concept of being old enough to own a phone that is what they want IMO.

I don't think a 10yr old needs a phone. I also don't see anything wrong with them having one. But we are a gadgetty household, not the newest up to date stuff but the kids have an iPad mini, I have an iPad 3 which they can use, we have PS3, wii, they have an old Pc in their room etc, so we are all about the screens here!!

Waitingonasunnyday · 21/01/2015 10:30

My DS is about to get a phone for his 10th birthday. He will be gobsmacked as whenever he mentions it we say he doesn't need one. But do you know what, he doesn't 'need' toys either, or comic books or sweets or a football duvet when a plain one would do. He will love having a phone. Where we live is a bit of a walk to school, park and shops, involving busy roads, and I personally would rather he has a phone. Over the next 12 months he will become more independent but I would like him to start using a phone while he is still more under my control iyswim.

Stinkle · 21/01/2015 10:31

My 9 year old has an old one of DH's with a PAYG sim in it - not a smart phone

It's completely pointless, she never really uses it. Only 1 of her friends have one and the novelty of texting each other smiley faces wore off pretty quickly

She found it in a kitchen drawer and nagged and nagged and nagged for it so we gave it to her, and she spent some of her birthday money on credit - she still has £8 on there from about 6 months ago

She doesn't really go anywhere on her own either. We live quite rurally so, other than playing with the neighbours kids in the field behind us (where I can see her, and just bellow out of the front door like a fish wife if I need her), or walking home from school (mobile phones are banned in her primary school) she needs us to drop her off/pick her up

DD1 is 13 and has my old iPhone - I put a PAYG sim in it when I upgraded. She walks to school, gets the bus into town, goes swimming with her mates, goes round friends houses, etc, etc so she uses it a lot so I think it's important she has one, but I can't for the life of me see the point in my younger one having one. But then, it didn't cost us anything, it's not doing any harm and it made her happy

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