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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my daughters to you for a phone?

47 replies

bumblebeerat · 20/01/2015 21:28

She thinks I am! She is going to be turning 10 next month and all she keeps asking for is a phone she can play games on and contact us as "all her friends have them".

I've told her she's to young and as she doesn't go anywhere on her own there is no need for her to have one. I'm probably old fashioned I know but I can't see why a 10 year old needs one. Then again we don't have anything like games consoles or tablets for our 3 either. She uses my phone now and again for making loom bands but that's it.

What do you all think?

OP posts:

pbwer · 21/01/2015 10:32

There is no need for anyone to have a mobile phone, we survived in the 70's 80's so I fail to see how there is a requirement for any child now.

GraysAnalogy · 21/01/2015 10:37

So she doesn't go out at all? Doesn't she go and play with friends?

I'd be tempted to get her one just so she had contact with her friends

Waitingonasunnyday · 21/01/2015 10:37

pbwer when I was growing up, there were phone boxes. No adults had mobiles either and plans were more fixed. Parents HAD to leave work on time to do school run, couldn't call a friend to fill in. Now our society expects people to be more flexible because we can communicate and change plans. Which is crap in a lot of ways, but does make it easier to function with a phone than without.

GraysAnalogy · 21/01/2015 10:39

Pbwer - what rubbish. Presumably you survived without the internet too but these days even applying for a job needs Internet. So saying 'we survived before we can now' isn't true.

Phone boxes are non existent now. And if there is one it never works. None of my friends have home phones. I wonder how you'd expect is to communicate unless we got the string and tin cans out.

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2015 10:41

There is no need for anyone to have a mobile phone, we survived in the 70's 80's so I fail to see how there is a requirement for any child now

Yes, that would be the same 70s and 80s that had a phone box on almost every street corner...

wigglesrock · 21/01/2015 10:44

I survived in the 70s and 80s no bother at all without a mobile phone as did my parents but loads of things would have been so much easier if my mum or I had one - my mum worked, we came home from school and waited on her, sometimes she was kept late, sometimes stuck in desperate traffic, sometimes buses didn't turn up. I think she would have been sold her soul to be able to send a text and say -stick the oven on, make sure you've started your homework, turn off Childrens Ward and sort out your bedrooms out etc.

ArsenicFaceCream · 21/01/2015 10:47

Two different issues getting entangled here; basic telephone facility and smart phones.

As soon as they are out and about for hours unaccompanied, there's an argument for a cheap PAYG brick (which isn't the same thing as need)

But the idea that smart phones are ever a need for DC is mindboggling.

There is also the consideration that they are frequentl used in secondary schools for passing extreme porn, beheading viseos etc around. You can put as many parental controls as you like on your home internet, and so can the school but if 10, 11, 12 year olds have their own smart phones, they will watch allsorts. The peer pressure around that type of thing is immense in lower secondary.

ArsenicFaceCream · 21/01/2015 10:49

make sure you've started your homework, turn off Childrens Ward and sort out your bedrooms out etc.

And you'd have listened, of course wiggle

ToffeeCaramel · 21/01/2015 11:09

We recently gave my 10 year my husband's old phone with new sim. She chats to her best friend on it using the free calls and texts as part of the (inexpensive) contract. I'm fine with that. I remember phoning and chatting to my best friend after school in Y7 (even though we had only just spent the day with each other!) But as my dd can be rather shy, I'm all for encouraging her to chat away and socialise.

wigglesrock · 21/01/2015 11:13

Arsenic.... Of course , but she would have had the typed proof that she'd asked as opposed to the vague "I didn't know what you wanted me to do", "you didn't ask" , "I didn't think" that accompanied her loud groans after opening the front door

ArsenicFaceCream · 21/01/2015 11:30

she would have had the typed proof that she'd asked

I might try that here even though my office is just upstairs

Original poster

bumblebeerat · 21/01/2015 16:26

So update on the phone saga. I had a little flip phone in my draw that I keep as a spare so we told her once we get a sim card she can have it. She was happy for a second then started crying and saying I was a nasty bully who doesn't want to spend any money on her and she only wants a phone to play games on. I tried explaining that she wanted a phone and that's what she's got. She has now stormed off as her friend has a smart phone and I'm horrible.

OP posts:

WyrdByrd · 21/01/2015 19:30

My DD is 10 & has had a phone for about a year - it's currently on the floor where it's been laying uncharted for the last 3 weeks .

It is v. basic PAYG that makes calls & texts and it comes in handy when she walks part of the way home from school on her own or goes on (rare) sleepover.

She has access to all sorts of internet friendly gadgets at home though and I've told her in no uncertain terms that a smart phone won't be happening any time soon.

WyrdByrd · 21/01/2015 19:33

Given that reaction & the fact that she doesn't look after the Kobo I think you're doing the right thing not getting her a smart phone.

I mat consider it when DD is 12 or 13 but certainly wouldn't before then.

Violettatrump · 21/01/2015 19:40

She only needs one when she starts going out and about without adults or when she starts secondary school. She only needs a basic brick of a phone to make texts or calls. Anything fancy us unessesary.

We don't do hand held consoles or endless screen time either and we would hate him to start obsessively using her phone. Thankfully hes not interested in social networking sites and only switches his phone on for short periods of time to make quick texts

HexBramble · 21/01/2015 20:04

Smart phones are one of the biggest known distractions to education so I would implore parents to think long and hard before allowing their children to have one.

Bog standard PAYG for £10 is fine at a certain age, but please please please think again before giving away your old smart phones to children. They cause massive problems
Is school, are a source of distraction at a times and, no matter how studious your child, they always seem to have one eye on their phones.

Personal rant over but I teach a secondary school subject that applies to the cohort, so have 400 pupils each year, every year. Smart phones for under 16's? You've got to be fucking crazy to consider one.

HexBramble · 21/01/2015 20:05

Crazy, and irresponsible.

Violettatrump · 21/01/2015 20:15

Charlie - not all families are IT crazy, lots prefer sport or art - IT is low priority for some

Violettatrump · 21/01/2015 20:20

I understand people saying IPhones are social however I've seen the flip side with Instagram and snap chat enabling school issues to intrude into home life and causing heartbreak and emotional mayhem.

TheFirstOfHerName · 21/01/2015 20:28

Ours get a phone at some point in Y6, usually around 11th birthday. Usually second hand Nokias that we have upgraded from. For the younger ones, this means an old Lumia, which is a low-end smartphone. No 3G until Y9, which means they can only connect to the internet at home (or a café or friend's house if they can persuade anyone to give them the password). We can control wi-fi curfew for each child's Microsoft account via the router, which is useful for DS2 (Y8) who cannot yet self-regulate his internet use.

TheFirstOfHerName · 21/01/2015 20:34

Smart phones for under 16's? You've got to be fucking crazy to consider one.

DS1 (Y10) chooses to leave his Lumia at home rather than take it to school. He has not yet had any problems on social media, despite being on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc. He chooses his friends carefully!

DS2 (Y8) keeps his (rather ancient) Lumia hidden in the lining of his bag (in case of emergencies). He switches it on once or twice a month to check for texts.

Charlie97 · 21/01/2015 20:44

Violetta

Didn't say it crazy, did say it was good having available IT. Many, many jobs you need to really IT literate for,

Sports great.....but so is mental stimulation.

It's the way of the world in 2015!

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