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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please help urgent advice needed re wedding bar!!

104 replies

Weathergames · 20/01/2015 21:21

Oh wise ones I need your advice pretty please!!!

My friend getting married in a private house and has bought a load of booze and was going to have an honesty bar.

10 days before the event the venue has told her she is not allowed an honesty bar as she needs an events licence which she has no time to do now.

I said have a collection and get the best man to diplomatically/amusingly incorporate it into his speech?

Any suggestions?

TIA

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 21/01/2015 19:22

ScotsWhaHae has articulated my feelings too. Despite posting earlier about how I would expect a free bar, I wouldn't mind a pay bar if I knew in advance. But I think paying for bought-at-cash-and-carry booze is odd and tight.

ByTheWishingWell · 21/01/2015 19:26

I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it this way. I'd expect to pay for drinks at a wedding, and it would be much cheaper for guests to make a donation towards alcohol bought at wholesale price rather than paying for overpriced bar measures of lower quality drinks.

arghhhhreally · 21/01/2015 19:39

Yes, YABU. You're effectively asking people to pay you to come to your wedding (assuming they're going to want a drink).

That's very different to them paying a hotel or venue for something, or choosing to buy you a gift.

Sendo · 21/01/2015 19:48

We bought our own alcohol and soft drinks and elected to pay the corkage at our wedding reception which still worked out cheaper for us. We bought so much booze that the bar bill for the handful of guests who opted for beer over the vino only came to £300.

Saying that, the majority of weddings we've attended never had a paid bar.

In your case, since you've already bought the booze so you've already accounted for it and spent the money, just put it on the table for free. It sounds way too much hassle and stingy to effectively charge your guests for the alcohol you have already bought. It's not as though you can return it for a refund is it?

TurquoiseDress · 21/01/2015 20:03

Do they absolutely have to charge for drinks?

If the alcohol has been purchased and is for the guests, the couple may have to accept they will have to bear the cost.

Personally if it was my wedding I'd be prepared to provide booze for all my guests and not expect any payment.

If they can't get licence they may have to accept that they bear the cost.

If they cannot afford this/is prohibitive, they really should have budgeted for this in their wedding planning.

Unless I'm misunderstood the thread I don't really get the issue?

They are getting married, providung refreshments for their guests but need a licence to enable guests to pay for these drinks?

TurquoiseDress · 21/01/2015 20:08

Sendo
We did exactly that at our wedding, bought all the booze/soft drinks & just paid the reasonable corkage to the venue.

I know a free bar is not always possible for everyone, but it takes the stress of guests having to get cash out/finding cash point.
Everyone can just concentrate on having a good time!

Majority of weddings I've been to have had all drinks provided.
Have to admit this couple sound like they are being a bit tight to be fair.

TurquoiseDress · 21/01/2015 20:42

Important to distinguish between "free bar" and doing a trip to Majestics to buy all the drinks for your guests.

We wouldn't have be able (or wanted to) afford a "free bar" for guests if we'd had a reception in a hotel or something.

The cost would've been astronomical!!

Most awkward wedding reception I've been to was quite a way from town centre, cash only bar, didn't accept cards.
Cash point miles away. V annoying!

egnahc · 21/01/2015 20:46

Wedding I go to have all drink free. I went to one that had a bar (for beer only really as wine and spirits were free flowing). They put beer tokens on each table- so each person got a free pint- between the table no-one paid as most drank wine. The only reason they had a paid bar was the venue requirement but they got round it.

ethelb · 21/01/2015 22:25

She can still give it away for free.

ethelb · 21/01/2015 22:37

Turquoise I agree the most awkward thing to do is organise a wedding with a pay bar that takes only cash miles away from a cash machine and not tell people ! Still shuddering from that one.

For ours we are doing a majestic trip/ local microbrewery trip for our booze. So basically a free, badly stocked bar !

Metalguru · 21/01/2015 22:49

Two different things -free bar in a hotel, astronomically expensive and nobody would expect it. In a marquee, or a rented house venue, to buy in a load of cheap booze and then ask for reimbursements from guests is tacky! People are always up in arms on here about b&g asking for money for honeymoon etc instead of gifts, but most seem to think it's fine to ask guests to reimburse them for their wine!

grannytomine · 21/01/2015 23:08

Glad I'm teetotal.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 21/01/2015 23:36

Yes ring council - they are often helpful and will squeeze it in in less than ten days.

TurquoiseDress · 22/01/2015 03:04

The more I think about it, the more utterly cringe the whole idea is!!

I've never been to a wedding with an 'honesty pot' for payments towards the drinks. To be honest, I'd be mortified if we'd had one at ours.

They are your guests- your job is to feed & water them so to speak, not to look to break even on the booze or whatever by insisting that everyone contributes.

Surely people will be buying wedding gifts/giving cash gifts any way?

It just baffles me that your friend is flapping about a drinks licence 10 days before the wedding so they can effectively charge their guests for drinks.

Surely there are so many other things to be focusing on?!

Darkandstormynight · 22/01/2015 04:24

I've never been to a wedding where I had to pay for drinks!

BringMeTea · 22/01/2015 06:23

Yet again, totally divisive! Smile

BringMeTea · 22/01/2015 06:24

I am surprised some people have NEVER encountered a free bar at a wedding.

Bunbaker · 22/01/2015 06:26

It depends on the circles you move in. I have been to weddings with free booze and weddings with a pay bar.

maddy68 · 22/01/2015 06:42

I have never been t a wedding with a free bar (uk) it must be a cultural thing

EveDallasRetd · 22/01/2015 06:52

Never seen a free bar at a wedding, and God knows I've been to a few. Even the extremely well-heeled event I went to last year (where the meal alone was £120 a head) wasn't a free bar.

TBH I'd never even considered it as an option before MN.

millionsofpeaches · 22/01/2015 06:53

I have never been to a wedding with a free bar (uk), but I have been to one where we were asked to pay for the cheaply bought booze. It was a marquee in a field job and the best man owned a bar so bought all the booze at wholesale prices. Then he set up a bar in the field and charged bar prices for the drinks. We weren't offered even a glass of wine to toast the couple and I was a bit Hmm about the prices the best man was charging. Seemed like a profit making exercise on his part (and knowing him that is exactly how he would have seen it!)

I think the couple in the op may just need to suck it up and not expect any reimbursement for the booze. Would they be able to afford that op?

Jackiebrambles · 22/01/2015 07:25

I agree actually, it's a bit naff asking people to reimburse the couple for the booze they have bought. It would be better to ask people to bring a bottle!

I know it's too late for that as the booze has been bought though :-/

crje · 22/01/2015 07:49

People will need to be told in advance.
I wouldn't know to bring enough cash to cover all my drinks at a wedding .
I would figure on free wine with meal + one for the toast .

EdSheeran · 22/01/2015 08:03

Regarding the comment about what's done in other countries, well I am Jewish and in the UK, paid bars are generally not the done thing. As I said up thread, until I had been to a non Jewish wedding, I had no idea there was any different! I remember consulting my wider family and friends which confirmed that - in my circle - Jewish events; bar and bat mitzvahs, weddings, engagement parties and similar always have a free bar. I was born and raised in the UK, as were my parents and grandparents who would be in their late 80s/early 90s if all still with us.

I went to a bat mitzvah a couple of years ago where alcohol was freely available but spirits were chargeable to the guest. It raised a few eyebrows but I was an MNer, so I was aware that this was not uncommon.

SamG76 · 22/01/2015 08:56

I'm with EdSheeren on this - a cash bar at a Jewish wedding would be like a furrier at a Greenpeace event! But bear in mind that heavy drinking at a Jewish wedding wouldn't be socially acceptable.

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