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Original poster

Please help urgent advice needed re wedding bar!!

104 replies

Weathergames · 20/01/2015 21:21

Oh wise ones I need your advice pretty please!!!

My friend getting married in a private house and has bought a load of booze and was going to have an honesty bar.

10 days before the event the venue has told her she is not allowed an honesty bar as she needs an events licence which she has no time to do now.

I said have a collection and get the best man to diplomatically/amusingly incorporate it into his speech?

Any suggestions?

TIA

OP posts:
Downtheroadfirstonleft · 21/01/2015 08:42

I've never been to a wedding where guests had to pay for drinks. Sounds a bit stingey.

mynameissecret · 21/01/2015 08:42

I've never been to a free bar wedding or worked at one, always just wine on the table and then maybe one drink in the evening.

BringMeTea · 21/01/2015 08:43

Indeed Rousette corkage was £25 at our venue! They had a 40 page wine list and clearly wanted to dissuade people from supplying their own. We still found it better value to pay the corkage and have better wine iyswim. Sorry, this is off-topic OP.

Jackiebrambles · 21/01/2015 08:44

We had a free bar at our wedding, cost us an absolute fortune (which we expected it to do so had budgeted accordingly but even then it was a bit of a surprise how much everyone drank!).

On the final invoice we had got through around 400 bottles of beer Shock

I hope her friends are honest with the honesty bar so they don't end up seriously out of pocket!

buffyp · 21/01/2015 09:06

With all due respect I don think you can go to a wedding in another country and complain that this is not how we do things at home. In the UK it is very common to have a paid bar as we did and I personally think it is irrelevant what Australians do. I would have found it insulting for a guest to complain about it because it wasn't what people in their country did.

Topseyt · 21/01/2015 09:07

I got married over 20 years ago. We had a paying bar. Not tacky at all. Not everyone can afford to pay for hundreds of drinks on top of everything else. We started the evening by putting £400 behind the bar for first and second drinks for all, but when it was gone it was gone and people paid for their own after that. No problem at all.

I've been to many weddings and most have had paying bars, including one in Australia. I don't find it rude.

Jackiebrambles · 21/01/2015 09:10

It isn't rude at all to have a paying bar!

I've been to lots of weddings, one or two have had a free bar, a couple have had a paid bar, a couple have put cash behind the bar which then runs out and then you have to pay....lots of options.

I'd just worry about the honesty bar and that people wouldn't bother putting cash in!

FindoGask · 21/01/2015 09:11

We were lucky enough to have a free bar, generously provided by my dad. Everything else was v. budget, village hall kind of deal. Otherwise it would have been paid bar all the way - and ten years later, mine and one set of friends (who are minted, both consultant doctors) have been the only weddings with free booze provided. Lovely to be able to do it, but not naff at all if you can't.

marshmallowpies · 21/01/2015 09:25

We had money behind the bar up to a certain point (and made sure evening guests got a free drink) and FIL went around discreetly buying drinks for people.

I would love to have done a completely free bar if we could have afforded it!

But we had a lot of friends who were big drinkers who appreciated that we didn't have bottomless pockets and were happy to spend a bit of their own money, based on the amount they'd be drinking, and equally I have several teetotal friends and I wanted to make sure they could get a free drink too without it having to be 'wine on the tables or jugs of tap water.

crazykat · 21/01/2015 10:31

I'd never heard of a wedding with a free bar until I joined mumsnet. I've never been to a wedding with a free bar and wouldn't expect to either.

Every wedding I've been to have had the reception at a hotel or pub which would cost a fortune to have a free bar.

Georgiepie17612 · 21/01/2015 13:05

My SIL had a similar issue when she got married. Her way around it was guests bought "donation vouchers" to a cancer charity very dear to our family and then exchanged a voucher for a drink at the bar. So the guests were not exchanging cash for drinks at the bar and any profit went to the charity. Still worked out cheaper per drink for the guests than a normal bar would have and all the guests liked the idea that they could get drunk and would be helping others at the same time so everyone was happy!

splodgeses · 21/01/2015 13:24

I have only ever been to 1 wedding that had a free bar, and I still paid for my own drinks. The reception was at the hotel where the b&g (and several guests including myself) were staying. Admittedly, a well off couple with very wealthy parents. But I was floored as I was buying a bottle of water (to retreat to my room) and I saw the bride's father pick up the tab of over £7k!

I second (perhaps it is 3rd or 4th by now) the crackers and free drink idea!

Topseyt · 21/01/2015 13:37

£7k!!! Doesn't surprise me really I suppose, but the figures look scary when you see them written down.

Though booze is generally very expensive, and especially pub / bar measures.

Just waiting now for someone to come along and say that if you cannot afford to fund the bar then you clearly cannot afford to get married anyway. If we had been obliged to fund the bar all day and all night we would still be waiting to get married 21 years later.

I have only ever been to one wedding where the bar was totally free. They were a wealthy family and were holding the reception in a marquee in their garden. It was lovely, but beyond most people's means.

I would actually feel that I was being rude if I turned up at a wedding as a guest and sat down expecting everything to be paid for for me. I do appreciate though, that that may be a cultural thing and I am not wishing to criticise cultures where it is traditional for the bride & groom and/or their families to pay for absolutely everything.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 21/01/2015 14:06

I bet I've worked at/ attended 100 weddings, and I've seen a free bar once.
So 1%.
I'm getting married next year and I'm not paying for people to get hammered, which they would if it was free.
I'm providing wine with dinner, after that they're getting their own, which is what they'll expect.
Free bars are an absolute rarity, unless you hang around with the super rich.

StoneFoxMama · 21/01/2015 15:21

We had a free bar BUT the reception was a marquee and barn on my husband's parents property so no corkage or retail prices, my parents live in France so brought back all the wine and champagne and my mother is a licence holder and could get us beer, spirits, soft drinks etc wholesale in the UK. We built a bar and hired staff. It was still a big budget as no one wants to run out.

LynetteScavo · 21/01/2015 17:18

The only free bar I've been to was in the US and then you had to tip the bar tender which I found really awkward.

Some friends did start off with a free bar, but the £500 they'd put behind the bar ran out after about an hour and the groom got a bit panicky, wondering how much more he should give them....we assured him we were all more than happy to pay for our own drinks.Smile

squoosh · 21/01/2015 17:20

I've never been to a wedding that had a free bar for the duration of the evening. Most have drinks on arrival and a free bar for an hour or so and then wine with the dinner. As Irish weddings tend to go on till the very early mornings, a free bar would bankrupt most people.

marshmallowpies · 21/01/2015 17:27

StoneFox these are the kind of weddings I used to see on wedding blogs that filled me with envy - a marquee on the parents lawn, or taking over the barn that belonged to their neighbours or even 'we just had the party in our own backyard'.

We did have the offer of friends of PILs who had a barn conversion but it would have involved dragging guests out into the back of beyond. Then PILs promptly fell out with those friends & it all became very awkward. But I still loved he thought of having a wedding in a private venue where we could bring all our own booze.

squoosh · 21/01/2015 17:30

'We sold cream crackers for £1.50 and you got a free glass of wine.'

This reminds me a of a club I used to go to that made you take a bowl of curry with every drinks order.

StoneFoxMama · 21/01/2015 17:39

marshmallowpies we were very lucky as dh' s family had the land and a beautiful crumbly barn with ivy growing up the walls, but it was a lot of work. We had to do every single component ourselves as it wasn't an establishment with staff for weddings, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.
And yes, we did provide transport for all our guests back to Bath and between the church and home, we wanted everyone to be able to enjoy themselves.

PedantMarina · 21/01/2015 17:53

Bunbaker, DS's school does this, too. And in the winter it's "buy a mince pie for £2.00 and get a free cup of mulled wine" Grin.

halfwildlingwoman · 21/01/2015 17:57

I don't have rich friends but I have several with generous parents, because I've been to quite a few weddings with a free bar. The way it seems to have happened is that the B&G provide wine with the meals and for the toasts and then people buy any subsequent drinks at the pay bar. (This seems mean to your evening guest if you operate the day/evening aparteid system.) In several of the weddings I've been to the parents/generous uncles etc have put lots of money behind the bar. And at the Greek and Jewish weddings I've been to, the booze is plentiful all day and night.
I don't like the idea of making people pay for their own booze at a wedding, which is why I got married with only 6 people there.
I think the collection jar is the best idea, but actually they should be prepared to take the hit.

Chilicosrenegade · 21/01/2015 18:05

All weddings I've been to have worked on a bi basis.

Either two drinks each and a toasting glass then purchase.

Drinks on table buy anything else

Only wine free. Pay anything else.

Etc.

The only free wedding I've been too was ours but dad paid. He wouldn't hear of otherwise! Felt bit old fashioned but kept him happy

ScotsWhaHae · 21/01/2015 19:03

I'm sorry but I think that this is beyond tacky, cheap and rude. It's one or the other. Pay bar (with wine for the meal/toasts) or a free bar. This cheap, grabby middle ground is cringey. They should have just bought the booze and accepted the cost. Not try to find some way of recouping the costs. Ugh. I've never, ever came across this before, it's hideous! It screams 'we're doing it on the cheap but expect you to cough up'.

ScotsWhaHae · 21/01/2015 19:09

Doing this puts everyone in such awkward position. The more I think about it the worse it gets! Expecting ushers to explain it to people, selling raffle tickets at a wedding like some poorly organised school fundraiser. Cringe. Leaving guests wondering how much to pay. Going rate? Like fuck, not when the b and g are dishing out cut price hooch. Expecting people to pay for drink when it's guaranteed the honesty bar won't stock even half the options even the most basic of pay bars would. Oh it's dire!