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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dress drama, who is BU?

49 replies

Topaz25 · 19/01/2015 19:32

Last November a woman gave me a dress on a local Facebook site, similar to Freecycle where people can give away their unwanted items. I picked it up on time. I thanked her for the dress and even posted a picture of me wearing it at a family party on Facebook and she said I looked lovely. Everything was fine. Then recently I received these messages on Facebook:

Her
My boyfriend was asking me about the red dress I gave you & he wants me to have it back as he got it me

Me
Ok
I sewed the front bit up because I'm self conscious about my stomach but you could probably change it back. Do you want to meet in town to get it?

Her
I liked it the way it was

I can't get in town most of the time as no money..

Me
I'll drop it off when I'm next in your area but not sure when that will be yet

Her
When will that be??

Her
I can make it to [local shopping centre] as that's close to me

The guy that gave me the dress I got back with & asked me about the dress

Me
I can meet at [local shopping centre] on Tuesday afternoon

Or could do friday, up to you

Her
will have to be before 3pm

Me
Ok would you prefer Friday or Tuesday?

Her
tursday i can do 2pm

Me
Ok see you then

Today
Me
Sorry I forgot I have an appointment at 2, can you meet a bit earlier like midday or 1pm?

Her
ARE YOU IN CAR??

Me
no I don't drive

Her
i really need it tomorrow

Me
can you meet at 1pm or 1.30pm?

Her
can you do 3ish?

AIBU to think she is BU a cheeky fucker for asking for a dress back that she gave me, complaining that I altered it after she gave it to me, expecting me to return it at my expense and then being so fussy about the time and place to meet up? What should I say?

So as not to drip feed, the only reason I'm putting up with this is I suspect her boyfriend is putting pressure on her but I'm getting sick of it now. I just started a new job with early starts and hardly know whether I'm coming or going, really don't need the stress of meeting up with her.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 19/01/2015 19:34

I wouldn't have even got into it with her.
I would have said sorry it's not possible and that would have been that.

wheresthelight · 19/01/2015 19:35

yanbu and if I were you I would be telling her tough luck she gave it away and that is the end of it

Sirzy · 19/01/2015 19:36

Block and ignore!

MaidOfStars · 19/01/2015 19:36

How odd. I don't think I'd have responded to the first message, to be honest. YANBU for feeling put upon, but as you've agreed to return it, can you not post it?

TheWitTank · 19/01/2015 19:36

Fgs, how ridiculous. She's bonkers. Just tell her you will stick it in the post and she can pay for postage f she wants it back, or she can pick it up from you. No way I would be faffing about unpicking stitches and meeting her at shopping centres. She gave you the dress. It belongs to you.

MatildaTheCat · 19/01/2015 19:37

You: no, sorry. See you at 1.30. If no good you'll have to wait as I'm going on a world cruise at 2.30.

What a rigmarole. YANBU.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 19/01/2015 19:37

It needed sewing up from the stomach?

CaptainAnkles · 19/01/2015 19:37

I would've said 'sorry, I just wore it over Christmas and then passed it on to somebody else.' People on those things can't just contact people and ask for their stuff back. It's not a library.

judydoes · 19/01/2015 19:38

I agree with hopping ! She's being U for even asking for it back-and because her boyfriend (an ex she split with and then got back with? Is that right) says she's to have it back-or is that a lie perhaps?

Original poster
Topaz25 · 19/01/2015 19:38

I know, I should have said that to begin with but I was worried in case her boyfriend is giving her a hard time and I was worried she would start drama. Also I've lost weight since so the dress doesn't fit as well and I would probably have donated it eventually anyway. So I thought why not just give to her when I'm next in town for the sake of a quiet life. That's when she started with all the U requests about meeting up. I don't know how to get out of it now I've arranged to meet up but she's driving me up the wall. I wouldn't mind giving the dress back but she's making it as difficult as possible.

OP posts:
elliegoulding · 19/01/2015 19:38

haha love it Grin

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 19/01/2015 19:38

tbh, I'd have ignored her.

But since you didn't, then send her a message saying you gave me this dress. That makes it mine. I am choosing to give it back to you but am under no obligation to do so. I am not running round after you to do this favour for you. If you want to return the gift you kindly gave, then do it at my convenience, not yours. And without complaining.

Original poster
Topaz25 · 19/01/2015 19:40

I don't think she's lying about the boyfriend because she mentioned in passing when she gave it to me that she was giving it away because she felt weird about keeping it as an ex gave it to her. Now apparently they've got back together and he's not happy she gave it away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Topaz25 · 19/01/2015 19:40

I would tell him to go whistle rather than hassling a virtual stranger like this, which makes me think she's scared of him.

OP posts:
yellowdinosauragain · 19/01/2015 19:41

Yep, what they said.

I'd reply saying 'actually I don't want to give you my dress. Never mind the fact I've taken time to alter it, it's not convenient to drop it off and now I've had time to think about it I really don't see why I should. I'm sorry you've had a change of heart but I'm afraid that's not my problem.'

Then block her.

judydoes · 19/01/2015 19:41

Yes, it does sound as if there's some abuse perhaps going on.

Eminado · 19/01/2015 19:42

Who can be bothered with this level of hassle?

She is unbelievable.

I would post it - then block.

Dont go to shopping centre, i bet you she wont turn up at the appointed time and you will be waiting and paying for parking.

Who are these people?! Incredible!

KnackeredMerrily · 19/01/2015 19:43

Just keep responding when and where suits you. It was nice she gave it away for free. You owe her nothing but if you can meet up then you may as well give it back.

Then block and ignore on FB

m0therofdragons · 19/01/2015 19:43

I'd say "just looked and couldn't find it. Completely forgot I gave it to the charity shop. Sorry. "

ineedtogetthisout · 19/01/2015 19:45

I had a similarish situation recently. I bought a laptop, paid the person, then the next night they messaged asking for it back and they would refund my money. I just said 'sorry I'm not willing to sell it' the person started ranting that it was theirs etc so I blocked them. I would suggest you do the same with this person, its not your problem.

TheRealMaryMillington · 19/01/2015 19:45

Weird behaviour

I think I would also possibly give it back, especially if it didn't fit any more, but I couldn't be doing with the messing around. She could come and get it at a time convenient to me, or she could send me the money for postage. No way would I be traipsing around town.

avocadotoast · 19/01/2015 19:47

She sounds like a douche. I'd have told her to fuck off.

The idea of posting it is a good one. It'd cost you maybe a couple of quid and a lot less hassle!

yellowdinosauragain · 19/01/2015 19:47

Massive cross posts there were only 2 posts when I wrote mine!

Then reply 'actually I'm not obliged to return the dress you gave me but if you're able to collect it at a time that is convenient for me then I'm happy to do so. If you want it you need to let me know when you can meet me at and I'll see what I can do'

Original poster
Topaz25 · 19/01/2015 19:47

I just sent:

"I could post it.

This is all getting a bit too much now, I'm doing a favour by returning something you gave me, I'm trying to help you here but you're not making it easy. I don't have much money either and I don't live near local shopping centre. I'm going out of my way."

OP posts:
Original poster
Topaz25 · 19/01/2015 19:51

Miraculously she can suddenly meet at a time convenient to me. If she doesn't show I'm binning donating the bloody dress.

OP posts: