Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get irritated when a person talks about someone and acts like I don't know them?

34 replies

EmDuffers · 18/01/2015 19:10

Not the best title, but for example -

I got a group email the other day from a friend about a mutual friends hen do. She mentioned the brides mother and wrote Anne (b2b's mother). Every single person knows exactly who Anne is, we have all known the bride years and have met her mother countless times.

Another friend mentioned she had this friend Lauren who was travelling and she would be visiting. Right .... The same Lauren I've known for 8 years, get invited to her birthday and have numerous mutual friends. Yeah think I might know who she is.

Aibu to find it irritating?

OP posts:
willowbridge · 18/01/2015 19:10

Yanbu! I do know what you mean!

TruJay · 18/01/2015 20:27

Haha yanbu its very irritating!

ImperialBlether · 18/01/2015 20:31

I had a really surreal moment a couple of Christmases ago. I was at my friend's house for New Year. She knows a couple who stay with them most New Years. The female partner of the couple is called Anna. I have met Anna about 20 times, usually at New Year. I walked into the house and she came over and held out her hand to shake and said, "Hi, I'm Anna, it's nice to meet you."

My friend and I were Confused.

LeSaor · 18/01/2015 20:34

this sounds exactly like something I'd do. I have an awful memory for friendship groups, and faces and basically anything.

DoJo · 18/01/2015 20:47

I'd rather that than the people who talk about someone that they know you've never met and act as though you do know them. You stand there thinking 'wtf' while they say 'of course, Uncle Anonymous couldn't let that lie because of his history with cabbages, so he ended up ladling cous cous into an air vent' and you have to try and imagine a world where this would be an obvious response.

x2boys · 18/01/2015 20:52

My cousin did this a few years ago at a family party she has been with her female partner for probably 25-30 years I have met her many times at family parties over the years bizarrely its only actually been said for the past ten years or so that they are actually partnersConfused .At a another family get together about five years ago my cousin introduced me to her paetner and said this us my partner steph I have met steph many times over the years!Hmm

ILovePud · 18/01/2015 21:30

Blush I might be guilty of this, like LeSaor I have a poor memory for things like this. I wouldn't say your BU for finding it irritating but I am wondering if you are attributing this to nefarious motive on behalf of your friends or family whereas it might just be their crap memories.

ethelb · 18/01/2015 21:41

Yanbu it is really smug

Mintyy · 18/01/2015 21:45

I can't relate to this one at all.

dalekanium · 18/01/2015 21:46

I'm with lasor I am shit with faces and pretty much never recognise people out of context.

It is fucking embarrassing

If any of these relate to anything I've said or done. I'm sorry Grin

ANewMein2015 · 18/01/2015 21:46

I have prosopagnosia so may well not remember someone I've met 20times. I'd need to chat to her before I'd twig who it was...

FreudiansSlipper · 18/01/2015 21:48

i'm confused Confused

maybe not everyone knows everyone on the group email

feebeecat · 18/01/2015 21:54

YANBU - I have a friend who, in conversation will always refer to 'my sister X' or 'my brother Y' . She has one of each and I have known her since we met, at nursery, aged 4 - I know their fecking names by now!!
Yup, irritating is one word Grin
Think it's a form of 'ownership' myself.

FoxgloveFairy · 18/01/2015 22:07

Another person here who doesn't recognize people out of context often. Often have ex patients come up for a chat and haven't a clue who they are! Not people I know well though. Usually. Did walk past my dad once without missing a beat! Mind you, he is a reasonably generic looking elderly bloke at first glance, and I was preoccupied!

OriginalGreenGiant · 18/01/2015 22:12

I have a horrendous memory for names.

Once when dh and I were in Tesco, I saw a woman walking towards us that I'd 'known' for 5 years in work...regularly passed the time of day with her at the coffee machine etc.

I had a cold sweat on because I knew she'd stop to say hi, knew I'd have to introduce them and I couldn't remember her name.

I kept a fixed smile on and hissed at dh 'fuck off! go down that aisle, I'll meet you at the checkout!' just so that he wasn't with me and I didn't have to introduce them. He wandered off a bit bemused, bless him.

ILovePud · 18/01/2015 22:14

Yes that's it foxglovefairy it's seeing people out of context, I also forget who knows who. I'm intrigued as to why it could be seen as smug though, it's embarrassing, why would you do it on purpose?

MrsToddsShortcut · 18/01/2015 22:20

Ah. I frequently forget people's names in public if I meet them randomly and am with a friend/DM etc. I have now perfected a generous, inclusive sweep of my arm in their general direction, a dazzling smile and say "Well I'll let you two introduce yourselves!"

This usually works. Except for the one time my 'friend' just grinned at me and said "you've forgotten who I am, haven't you!" Blush

TigerTrumpet · 18/01/2015 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTawdry · 18/01/2015 22:24

I fear I may make the sort of mistakes made here....I have face blindness. It's not always bad but with some people it's terrible.

One example for you...DD is 6 and last year went on a playdate with a girl in her class...I met the Mother on the day she comes to pick up her DD and she asked if DD could go there to play the next week...yes, yes...fine lovely.

She collects DD next week, drives her home...I chat to her when she brings DD home.

Two weeks later she sees me in the car park and tells me she's had a bad day at work yada yada...I'm looking at her the whole time thinking "WHO is this!?" and smiling and nodding!

It happens all the time to me...I realised the next day who she was...

dalekanium · 18/01/2015 22:28

Did walk past my dad once without missing a beat! Mind you, he is a reasonably generic looking elderly bloke at first glance, and I was preoccupied!

Oh god. Me too. And failed to recognise my sister when she came to pick me up at the airport.

UsedtobeFeckless · 18/01/2015 23:15

... And me. Sad It took me a fortnight to notice my brother had shaved his beard off ... And we were sharing a flat at the time!

theRotcod · 18/01/2015 23:44

Interesting how many people are rubbish at recognising people. I'm the same. I once went up to a colleague - let's call him Bob, and asked if he knew where Bob was. He looked at me, confused, and I repeated the question. Another time I saw an ex colleague in a bar.. At least they saw me. They were chatting to me and I went along with it until they said 'you don't know who I am do you?'. I guess I don't hide it very well. We'd worked together for three years.

I do still understand the annoyance the op described when someone goes on about "my friend Lauren", when you've both known Lauren for eight years etc.

MrsTawdry · 18/01/2015 23:51

Rotcod people have said that dreaded sentence to me too! "You don't know who I am do you?"

I really hate it. It's not ALL faces for me...some are just sort of nonedescript to me. Also I notice...the time I did recognise someone after failing to on previous times was when they were doing the same action as they were when I FIRST met them! So it's when I see someone out of context that I struggle.

Like...I see the school secretary in Tesco and she'll greet me...I've known her for 5 years...I look at her like "wtf"? Who are you?

zipzap · 19/01/2015 00:32

I'm hopeless at recognising actors in things and often forget either faces or names.

Worst one was at a family party. Mil was due to go - as she is divorced from fil that meant he wasn't going to go, as they actively avoid being at things together. As we arrived we were met by a couple of old people who seemed to know who we were, dh seemed to know him, so chatted politely. Had to hiss at him later 'who was that?', thinking it was someone from the other side of the host's family or a long lost uncle or old family friend... Turns out mil couldn't go so it was actually fil and his dp.

In my defence it was only the third time I'd met him despite being with dh for at least 15 years, the last time was at my wedding when I'd had a very strange conversation about somebody he was looking for but who wasn't at the wedding. Except I was talking about a friend abc who I knew wasn't able to make it, fil was adamant he'd seen him. Turns out fil calls dh 'abc' whereas the rest of the world call him 'xyz' Hmm

That party was also the first time fil had met the dc (then 5&2) Sad. Coming from a close family I find it very strange that he could have effectively abandoned his family and have so little to do with them Sad

If I were to walk past him in the street I still wouldn't recognise him - 5 years on and I've only met him twice more. Nondescript in looks and his actions!

kungfupannda · 19/01/2015 07:52

Mrs Tawdry- I have face blindness too. Does yours get better and worse at various times? Mine used to be dire, but it isn't too bad these days. I still can't always distinguish between some of the parents at the school, or between other lawyers I see regularly at court.

I was told it was to do with the relevant part of your brain being co-opted for other stuff, so I guess I'm not using that part of my brain right now!