Purposeful Late Dropoffs

[MrsDiesel]

When ex and I were together we spent a lot of time with his family when he had contact with his DD. Several times I witnessed him say, I am taking DD home now as her mum wants her back at X time. Then Exsil would say, Oh does she now, well we are Having a cup of tea first so she can wait, or DD do you want to watch tv show before you go? So basically kept dsd late just to show her mum who was boss.

Whilst I never approved of their behaviour I kept out of it. I never really got along with ex's family so didn't rock the boat further.

Well now that ex and I have separated I suspect I am getting the same treatment. Depending on how ex and I are getting along he will turn up late with Ds. I know exactly the conversations that will be going on (he lives with his mum and sister). So I know they are doing it to annoy me.

Today it is really icey out and he is driving his mums clapped out old car which I am sure is perfectly safe, it has passed its MOT after all but of course they are late, I have heard nothing and I am worried. I contacted him and he said what does it matter, you said you weren't going out and its not like we have left the country.

So AIBU to expect him to be on time or at least let me know he will be late?

He chose the time to bring ds back by the way, I didn't dictate a time.

Doesn't sound at all like it was your fault to me btw.... I can just imagine what happened.
As for being polite to someone who's being a total arse, of course it's better to rise above it and just be polite, but the OP is dealing with someone who had been very verbally abusive and nasty and who was now dropping the Ds late more than likely deliberately. So is it better to just be polite or to not engage at all in that situation?
FWIW I think what you're planning to do is the best thing and I would also try to be very cheery but keep any actual engagement to the absolute bare minimum. Goodluck x

I agree. There's no need for the why did you have a baby with this man? comments. We don't know whether the OP had already had DS or was pregnant before she saw what MIL/SIL were like. And, even if she did see it before, she has already said she'd hoped that things would be better if she got ex DP away from them. Optimistic and naive perhaps, but I think it's unfair to challenge her on it.

Original I think the OP could safely assume he may start smashing things up based on 70 texts an hour purely because he thought she'd received a message on FB. He doesn't sound particularly stable does he? And, as OP said, the police agreed.

OP - you're well out of this. I, personally, would be going NC with them all. You don't have to subject your DS (or yourself) to this sort of behaviour - and he will be picking up on it.

Until they can behave like decent people, I'd be telling them they can fuck the fuck right off.

wishmi I have been no contact with MIL and SIL for almost 18 months because I cant tolerate their behaviour. I have had many a thread on here about them.

I wouldn't stop ds seeing his dad for any of his behaviour so far, ds loves him and wants to see him so I wouldn't do that to him. I will just facilitate it with the absolute bare minimum contact between us as possible. And I will be cheerful and polite each time.
Well that is the plan, I am human but I will try my best. And no more arrangements on time, I will just say next time, text me when you are leaving and I will let you know if I am in. Or bring Ds back anytime after 5 and I will be home.

Okey dokes. You have to do what works for you and your DS. Just please keep yourself safe and don't let him bully you or tread on your self-respect. I'd feel a bit sorry for him if he wasn't such a bloody idiot.