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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your opinion on childcare

38 replies

tak1ngchances · 18/01/2015 13:21

I have a four-month old DD and am on maternity leave now. We're going to get a nanny part time for the moment and full-time when I go back to work in Sept.
We have two options, both v experienced nannies who I got on with and had a good rapport with the baby (I interviewed others who were no suitable too!)

Option A
Live-in nanny who will do 4 afternoons a week for now (she has a morning job elsewhere) and full-time come Sept.
Very experienced, she is Asian and also said she would cook an evening meal for the family.

Option B
Live-out nanny who will do two full days a week for now and full-time from Sept.
She is also extremely experienced both as a nanny and maternity nurse, Eastern European and quite strict.

So as not to drip-feed, we have a self-contained flat that the nanny can live in.
There is not much price differential between the two.
DH and I cannot agree so I said I'd ask the collective mumsnet opinion!

OP posts:
Iamintwominds · 18/01/2015 13:22

How can you be strict with a 4 month old? Or do you mean strict in a different context.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 18/01/2015 13:23

I'd go with A. I don't like strict childcare, it should be a nurturing environment.

afreshstartplease · 18/01/2015 13:24

Any particular reason why you need a nanny now when you don't go to work til Sept?

Original poster
tak1ngchances · 18/01/2015 13:24

I mean she was all about structure and routine and had quite a headteacher air about her.
I am all for a routine so that isn't necessarily a negative thing!

OP posts:
MamaLazarou · 18/01/2015 13:26

Not sure what their race/nationality has to do with anything.

I would just go with the one who you and your children like the most. Who did you 'click' with more?

ghostyslovesheep · 18/01/2015 13:26

without meeting the women and yourselves how the heck to expect random internet strangers to choose your staff?

YABU and a bit silly

Original poster
tak1ngchances · 18/01/2015 13:27

It was a question of live in vs live out, any experience, any advice?

OP posts:
PixieofCatan · 18/01/2015 13:29

I'm concerned that you're planning to pay them cash in hand, you realise that you'll have to employ them don't you? Only because you state that the price difference between the two is negligible makes me think that they've quoted you a price rather than you telling them what the wage is?

Who did you prefer?

MamaLazarou · 18/01/2015 13:33

Eh? Where does it say anything about cash in hand?

Original poster
tak1ngchances · 18/01/2015 13:33

Yes I'll be their employer.
I prefer option B as she is so qualified and experienced but DH preferred option A as he thought she had a nicer manner/vibe

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 18/01/2015 13:38

Agree with Mama
I don't see why their ethnicity is at all relevant - assuming they both speak good English.
I think this is something you'll have to work out between you given that you are drawn to different people.

minipie · 18/01/2015 13:42

Live in is usually significantly cheaper so I'm surprised there's not much price differerential - makes me wonder if the live in nanny is quoting an unusually high rate or the live out an unusually low rate?

Do you/will you have a need for nanny to stay in the evenings on a regular basis (esp on an unpredictable basis eg if you both might have to work late)? if so then live in is a real advantage as they are usually much happier to stay late since they don't have to get home, can get baby to bed then get on with their own evening etc.

If you found either of them difficult to communicate with or irritating in any way then don't pick them - any annoyances will be magnified in future. Who you click with best is important.

I'd be concerned about the strick/headmistress style one, what happens if you and she have different views on what's best? Ultimately decisions need to be up to you as the parent, of course having asked her view too but I'd be worried she might be a bit "my way or nothing"?

Agree it's not really a decision anyone else can take for you - sorry!

catgirl1976 · 18/01/2015 13:44

Ummm............which one did you like best and which arrangement works best for you?

Surely that's how you decide?

Also I'm not understanding what their nationality has to do with it either?

Original poster
tak1ngchances · 18/01/2015 13:49

I said their nationalities just to give maximum info. Not relevant really.

Agree, we'll just have to make up our own minds...guess there are some things mumsnet can't and should try to magically solve Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
tak1ngchances · 18/01/2015 13:50

shouldn't try. Not should.

OP posts:
RaggyAnnie · 18/01/2015 13:51

What relevance has their race/ethnicity? If you have prejudices just be honest to yourself to save trouble in the long run.

PixieofCatan · 18/01/2015 13:57

mama It was just the wording. I'm a nanny and have become sensitive to the language used in ads whether they intend to be employers or not, the way OP worded it made me think that she may not be employing them. I've had many an interview where my time has been wasted becuase they refuse to become employers.

PixieofCatan · 18/01/2015 13:59

I'd go for the one with a nicer vibe too.

simbacatlivesgain · 18/01/2015 14:14

Do they both have the right to live and work in the UK?

MuscatBouschet · 18/01/2015 14:19

Nice vibe is important. But remember you are their employer. How would they respond to your direction?

IamTitanium · 18/01/2015 14:33

They are both really live out if the live out one will be in a self contained flat?
Anyway I would choose A for the evening meal, imagine having the option every month or two to add on some hours and come home to dinner ready.

Mammanat222 · 18/01/2015 14:38

Will the 'live out' nanny move in come September?

is the live-in nanny is going to be of additional cost to you? Or is her salary adjusted?

Stillwishihadabs · 18/01/2015 14:42

As you have a self contained flat I would go with A. Being able to stay late at work with little or no notice and an evening meal on my return would sell it to me. :)

WooWooOwl · 18/01/2015 15:53

A sounds nicer to me.

littlejohnnydory · 18/01/2015 17:16

For me, it would completely depend on how I felt about the person when I met them and how they were with my DC. I'd also want to observe how DC responded to the person but 4 months might be a bit young to tell.

Whilst it's pretty hard to tell without meeting someone, I don't think I'd go for the strict headmistressy one! I'd want my DC to be cuddled when they're upset, for the person looking after them to listen and respond to their needs, for them to play and have fun. It doesn't sound as though she would provide that although she might well be very hard working and efficient.

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