dh strops whenever expected to look after both kids for five minutes

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

Just remembered i had left the food shopping, including raw meat, milk etc, in the car since before lunch. Took dd2(1) up to the bathroom where dh was with dd1(2.5). Exactly the same annoyed reaction as every time i ask him to look after them both, oh couldn't you wait five minutes until we came down? Well, no, because by then i might forget again and then all the food will go off in the car and we will get food poisoning. And he was entertaining a toddler on the toilet, ffs, not splitting the atom,and its not like i was handing him a sleeping newborn, i just sat a one year old on the floor next to him.

It drives me up the wall that whenever he needs to look after both of them i am expected to wait while he goes to the loo, has a shower, makes a coffee and gets ready. I, on the other hand, take one of them to the loo with me, and never get to shower let alone on my own. Getting in the kids bath is the only way i fit it in at all! He, on the other hand, stays in a hotel all week and expects these luxuries every day.

sorry for the rant, but aibu to expect a grown adult to be able to manage two toddlers for two minutes while i do something for all our benefit? And to do so with good grace?

I was going to suggest you not be there when he gets back, but looked at the time. Don't suppose you could jump in the bath?

Seems they were underprepared for the weather and both came in crying for cuddles with mummy!. Not a successful trip, but then it was made in anger.

Can you both have a good chat after bedtime?

(I mean, once the children are in bed).

Agree with 'go out' - have a coffee and a mooch somewhere, come back and look incredulous if he says anything.

You need equal access to leisure time

Well they were only gone half an hour!

That still means youre to be sharing the load for the rest of the day

Your DH is being ridiculous. You need to have a good long talk when the children are in bed (I hope he helps with dinner, bed and bathtime?).

It's not "helping you" to watch the DC and it's certainly not outside his power to watch two children at once, he's just decided it's not his job . He's their FATHER for goodness sakes, not an uncle or a babysitter staying with you! He's just as capable of watching them and looking after them as you are.

I'm less emotional now looking after the girls and he has called down. Dd2 asleep in ny arms, dd1 under blankets in front of fire!

Calmed down, sorry

He has calmed down? from his unreasonable strop? That's big of him.

Do you not go out on your own at the weekend?

I know two people like this, both lazy entitled gits women. One of them simply refuses point blank to be left alone with both DC. She reckons that as the breadwinner (her DH is SAHP) AND she gave birth to them AND she didn't really ever plan to have DC but had them because her DH really wanted them, that gives her a free pass to avoid childcare.

The other woman was a bit like Denise off the Royle Family. She would hand off her DD to pretty much anyone at the merest sniff of an opportunity . She was utterly shameless about it. Lazy entitledness isn't exclusive to men.

He's taking the piss, yes. But I think your car was probably colder than your fridge today so I think the sudden hysteria urgency and food poisoning angst were a tad OTT on your part.
You need to leave them more with him going forward and just get away for a few hours. He'll have to step up and it will start to come more naturally to him.

You need to make sure he has time alone with them. For his sake and the girls sake if nothing else. He needs to build up his confidence and their trust.

What would happen if you were ill or hospitalised for some reason?

My DH really, really lacks respect for the men of our acquaintance who can't look after their own children.

Personally I also think it is a deeply unattractive quality (in either sex) to be quite so useless with your own offspring.

Indeed. I think taking them to the park was a big FU, to say look i am looking after both, but it backfired rather when they had to turn right around and bring them home crying!

He isn't bad generally, just expects to be able to do all his own stuff as usual around them. And drives me insane declaring jobs we need to get done, such as clearing out garage or spare room, which are by no means urgent and not going to happen while we are both working full time and have two mess making monsters to run around after and entertain. I prefer realistic goals, like laundry and minimal levels of cleanliness!

He was out with his children for roughly 15 minutes and YOU had to cuddle them warm upon his return? Stop mopping up his mess and stop right now. He can cuddle them. He can change wet socks and give them warm milk. You don't get extra mommy points for martyrdom. Go out to a cafe, a film, a walk, a friend and leave him to it. He needs to look after his own kids and you need to look after yourself. Take good care of you, too!

I think i must have been really lucky with my dad. Mum worked nights so he did all the mornings and weekends. We grew up in the garage with him or in the garden or out with him on his hobby. Of course there were times he couldnt take us but generally we just pottered along beside him as he got on with life.

why were they both crying? Had he been huffing or yelling at them or otherwise being an arse?

He was probably huffy but not necessarily at them, they were crying because they were frozen.

If i were hospitalised, im sure he would cope, because he would have to. We each take it in turns to have a lie in at the weekend so he manages then, but excuses himself for a shower after i get up. I forfeited my lie in this morning as i got up to take them both swimming, but dd2 fell asleep in the car, so we didn't go, so that was a waste and he missed his morning with them! I told him when dd2 was born to stop saying " i will just", or "give me a minute" as i needed to react quickly to a newborn and we had to put our needs last, but it has crept back in now she is older.

MY Exdh was a bit like this. When the kids were babies, told me that he did not like doing the boring stuff with them, apparently the boring stuff was feeding, dressing and bathing, he did not mind the playing. I told him that he would just have to get used to it.

When you said that your DH had taken them to the park, my first thought was 'I hope he has wrapped them up properly'. My exdh would often take the kids to the park without coats, just cos he was ok in a fleece did not mean the kids would be. They would come back crying and shaking. If I was in I would check them before he took them out, I could not understand how he could do that to them and still not remember a week later.

Same advice that I gove on here again and again in that sort of situation.

Do go away for a whole weekend on your own and leave him to it.

Repeat that until he finally gets that 1- he is a dad and that's his resposnisiblity
2- he CAN actually do it (he is playing the 'I can't do it' card atm and has to stop that)
3- that looking afer 2 yound dcs IS hard work and no you can't do whatever you want when you are with them. They come first.

Also don't even engage with him about how he should be giving you a hand, it's normal, he can do it.
Just do whatever you need to do and let him, know you dop. He'll soon find that it means he HAS to step up.

feck. i would have been away like flynn as soon as he left!

Book yourself a weekend away.

I know a dad like this. He still reacts the same when asked/expected/told to do anything with his kids and they are 11 and 13!

He has never had them overnight on his own.... Not once!

Get it sorted ASAP.