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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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to think it's really quite offensive to call someone "unhinged" or "deranged"?

144 replies

HairyOrk · 16/01/2015 14:07

I keep seeing it on Mumsnet, if someone's behaviour is a bit odd then they are "unhinged" or if they've gotten something wrong then they're "deranged".
For a site that got its knickers in such a twist about Asda's mental patient halloween costume (which I agreed was wrong) it seems very out of sorts.
AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 16/01/2015 18:56
Grin
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 16/01/2015 18:59

Never mind Mumsnet it's Pagsnet

hazeyjane · 16/01/2015 19:09

I was trying to give up saying this, but

...what Pagwatch said.

daisychain01 · 16/01/2015 19:31

Unhinged and deranged are words I'm amazed are used on MN so much, because I have always associated them as being unkind words to describe 'mental disability' - I picture someone like Mr Rochester's wife, who was locked up in an attic, as deranged (for example).

It's like humour, it is so subjective, someone will get offended. It's a minefield - MN is such a big community of people, the likelihood of offense to someone is about 99.9999% - you'd need to sanitise everything to bland expressions like "you must be mistaken" or "you really are a very silly-billy" (or is that pejorative towards people called William)?

People should be free to use whatever words they like IMO

I used to think this, until I once (without deliberately meaning to cause any offense) mentioned the word 'epi-fit'. That's because as children we used to say it, were never corrected and I didn't make a strong association with epilepsy. I can't believe how shitty I felt, having someone tell me their DC suffered from epilepsy. So the penny dropped.

On the other hand .... I'm really offended by people talking about porn on here, it gives me the rage, but I'm told "hide the thread if you don't like it, tough, we're all adults".

So it feels like double standards on here, but it's messages coming from different people, not one homogeneous MN 'person'.

Nancy66 · 16/01/2015 19:36

where do you draw the line?

'are you blind?'

'are you deaf?'

are they offensive ?

FailOfTheCentury · 16/01/2015 19:39

I don't know, Nancy, it's that context thing again. My parents complained to my school when I was a kid. My glasses broke, and I didn't hear the teacher calling us in from break because I was grovelling around in the playground for the tiny screw. The teacher said, "Are you deaf as well as blind?" What a horrible thing to say to a kid with strong glasses.

Nancy66 · 16/01/2015 19:42

yeah that is horrible.

but pointing out to your dozy husband that his car keys are right in front of him and shouting 'are you f blind or wot?' I think is ok. But I bet others do not.

someone on MN did flag up that 'cretin' was not an acceptable phrase any longer which I didn't realise and didn't know.

FailOfTheCentury · 16/01/2015 19:43

People should be free to use whatever words they like IMO

I used to think this, until I once (without deliberately meaning to cause any offense) mentioned the word 'epi-fit'. That's because as children we used to say it, were never corrected and I didn't make a strong association with epilepsy. I can't believe how shitty I felt, having someone tell me their DC suffered from epilepsy. So the penny dropped.

So you think that people shouldn't be free to use the word "epi-fit", if they want to? You mean you think it should actually be illegal, just because you didn't have a penny-dropping moment until ypi said it in front of someone who could've been upset by it?

Pagwatch · 16/01/2015 20:21

Was that what the poster meant FailOfTheCentury - that it should be illegal

Or that it should be one of those things that society should hesitate to do? I don't think the word paki is illegal is it, unless it is being used by someone trying to incite racial hatred as opposed to just being a twat.

Why do people always go 'OMG - you want to make it illegal!'. Isn't the conversation usually just around that which is broadly considered acceptable or not?

Pagwatch · 16/01/2015 20:22

If we were going to ban words I'd go with 'sanpro'

FailOfTheCentury · 16/01/2015 20:30

Pag, what exactly was the poster getting at? I don't know. She quoted only the first half of this: People should be free to use whatever words they like IMO. And I should be free to tell them why using those words bothers me, or to think less of them. and then said "I used to think like that until (blah blah blah I realised I'd upset someone etc.)

I can't see that her opinion differs at all from mine if what she actually means is that people should have a little think before they use potentially upsetting words or risk looking like twats.

FailOfTheCentury · 16/01/2015 20:31

Why do people always go 'OMG - you want to make it illegal!'. Isn't the conversation usually just around that which is broadly considered acceptable or not?

Isn't this exactly what I said much earlier in the thread? Wink

ChippingInLatteLover · 16/01/2015 20:42

Thank god for that Olivia, or else I'd have to leave...

...let's call it. 'Pag's Rule'

Grin
ZammoMcGuire · 16/01/2015 20:45

YABU

Pagwatch · 16/01/2015 20:46

Oh possibly Fail - sorry, I should scroll back.
Soz

FailOfTheCentury · 16/01/2015 20:49

I feel like I've had this argument a million times anyway. These threads draw me like a fruit fly to Wine.

Pagwatch · 16/01/2015 21:01
Grin Me too.
ChippingInLatteLover · 16/01/2015 21:03

Yep, it's always like a Clan Meeting Wine

Pagwatch · 16/01/2015 21:05

Same time next week?

ChippingInLatteLover · 16/01/2015 21:05

Mind you, MN in January is always bloody depressing. Whinge, moan, grumble, complain. If I see another 'What I hate...' Thread I'm going to scream.

Dry January?! You'd have to be bonkers!!

ChippingInLatteLover · 16/01/2015 21:06

Only if we accidentally miss a few in between!

southeastastra · 16/01/2015 21:11

of course it's fecking rude to call someone unhinged or deranged. when has it become acceptable to be rude to anyone on mn, i thought personal attacks were unacceptable full stop?

SaucyJack · 16/01/2015 21:16

I don't think "unhinged" really compares to genuinely offensive terminology such as Paki, spaz, gay (in a particular context) or mong.

The main difference to me is that unhinged has never actually been a proper term with a proper definition in the way that retard or nigger once were for example.

You're not making a pejorative comparison to people with MH problems by calling someone unhinged in the way that you would if you described them as "schiz" because you don't like their behaviour as unhinged has only ever been a colloquial term for people who're acting a bit odd.

Very long-winded but I'm sure you get the jist.

FightOrFlight · 16/01/2015 21:17

It's never really occurred to me that the word 'nutter' would be offensive. I guess that's because I tend to use it in an affectionate way, For example I have a friend who is great fun on a night out, always having a laugh, first and last to grab the karaoke mike etc. I've said things along the line of "You need to go out on the town with S if you want cheering up - she's a right nutter!". I can see how it would be an upsetting term if it has been used towards you as an insult though. As has been said, it's about context.

Window licker is a term I really dislike.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 16/01/2015 21:17

Oh my eyes

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