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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to discuss my child's reading in the playground?

54 replies

MrsTawdry · 16/01/2015 10:51

I might need to get a grip...and if you lot tell me so then I'll get one.

DD is in year 2 and has had a hard time with reading owing to undiagnosed sight issues. She got glasses last year though and has been catching up nicely.

Anyway...one of the other Mums in her class is a reading volunteer. She is a nice person but she keeps discussing DDs reading progress with me in the playground at pick up.

It makes me uncomfortable but I'm not sure why. I think it's because she's not a teacher...and my relationship with her isn't the same as it is WITH a teacher if you know what I mean.

She's positive and all that but I still don't like it. AIBU and if not what can I do?

OP posts:

MariosYoshi · 16/01/2015 10:56

Yanu she is! I'd have a quiet word with the teacher as she shouldn't be doing what she is.

wheretoyougonow · 16/01/2015 10:58

I was a volunteer reader for my sons school and it was made very clear to me that I wasn't to discuss any child I worked with especially with their parents so YANBU.
Maybe have a quiet word with her teacher about it.

Feminine · 16/01/2015 10:58

I would hate that.
So you are definitely not being unreasonable.
We are at a small village school, everyone knows each others business. Mainly as so many parents (villagers) volunteer.
I think you should start to let your eyes glaze over, yawn... a bit. Then sort of compose yourself again(as if she hadn't said anything)
I think she'll give up.

SavoyCabbage · 16/01/2015 10:58

Talk to the teacher. Volunteers are not usually 'allowed' to discuss any child with any parent.

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 16/01/2015 11:15

If I talk to the teacher, she'll know who iFeminine suggests. I just needed to be told I wasn't being silly really...

OP posts:

cailindana · 16/01/2015 11:18

YANBU at all. When I was a teacher I would have been livid if a volunteer did this - they are very strictly warned at the start of the year that discussing children outside of school is a complete no-no.

If you mention it to the teacher she/he will sort it out.

BackforGood · 16/01/2015 11:26

but you are not being silly.

If you prefer, you could say something to her directly, but then that doesn't stop her doing the same re other children. If it comes from the school, then it is a reminder of her responsibilities.

PumpkinsMummy · 16/01/2015 11:27

I volunteer at my local school and sometimes help with reading/maths etc. As with PP it was made very clear to me that I was not to discuss children outside the classroom at all. The most I would do is say in the staffroom or whatever that I had a good reading session with X and they have improved etc. Saying anything other than "I am sometimes in X's classroom, he/she is lovely etc" would be totally inappropriate and very unfair on the child. Even if asked I would probably just refer to the teacher as I am not qualified to comment on anyone's academic progress. if I were you I would tell her to stop discussing it in public with you if you and have a quiet word with the teacher.

Mrsjayy · 16/01/2015 11:37

I think you need to speak to her teacher any parent helper should know about confidetiality and realise they are not teachers to discuss anything. I think you should say I will hear how she is getting on in parents night thanks smile sweetly and walk away.

OddFodd · 16/01/2015 11:44

Talk to the teacher. It's a gross breach of confidentiality and really bloody patronising to boot.

She won't be the only parent helper so the teacher will probably just issue them all a reminder of the rules rather than singling her out. Plus if she's doing it to you, she's probably doing it to other parents too.

Primaryteach87 · 16/01/2015 11:47

When I've had readers come in to help I've actually got them to sign to say they understand it is confidential educational information and they should direct other parents to their child's teacher! Sounds totally OTT but it's for this reason. Some people reall have no common sense.... So YANBU, she shouldn't have brought it up!

waithorse · 16/01/2015 11:57

I'd speak to the teacher. I'd hate this.

sockmatcher · 16/01/2015 12:00

Tell her this is neither the time nor the place to be discussing her involvement with your child's reading. Nor it or her place to be raising it with you.

muminhants · 16/01/2015 15:28

I would also speak to the teacher. This is why I've always been a bit wary of parents helping in schools. On balance, it's probably a good thing. But I hate the idea of them gossiping and I'm sure it goes on despite it being a no-no.

FrenchJunebug · 16/01/2015 17:16

I'm another volunteer reader. Privacy is key and I was also told to only discuss the child's progress with the teacher.

YANBU

MrsGeorgeMichael · 16/01/2015 17:29

let the teacher know - i would hate this

DamnBamboo · 16/01/2015 17:44

She is BVU and you should report her to school.
It is totally out of line.
I assume as a parent volunteer, she is not a trained professional (although yes I realise she could be) and it is completely out of the remit of this voluntary role/

They aren't even meant to write comments in the book in our school, just what was read and how many pages.

BikeRunSki · 16/01/2015 17:48

"I don't really want to discuss DD's progress here. If you think we restore talk about her reading, perhaps we should make any appointment with her teacher".

SauvignonBlanche · 16/01/2015 17:48

That happened to me once, I was pissed off.

Lucyccfc · 16/01/2015 18:31

I volunteered at my sons school for a while and was never told by the teacher that I wasn't to talk to other parents, but it is just common sense.

Luckily, I wasn't in my sons class, but with the year 1 group. Lots of the children would come and say hello in the play ground or ask me when I was doing reading with them next, so some of the parents then knew me. I was only asked once about a child's reading by the parent and I said 'you need to discuss your child's progress with the teacher, as I just help out'. I made sure I said it in a friendly way.

You need to mention this to the teacher, it's not appropriate.

pudcat · 16/01/2015 18:38

You must let the teacher know. What if she is saying things about other children that are not so nice. It is a breach of trust.

evenherfartsarefragrant1 · 16/01/2015 18:51

She will have had some basic signing of documents that she shouldn't be discussing children's progress + she needs to raise things with the teacher. Nudge time.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 16/01/2015 19:02

I see your point OP. But I don't think she means any harm. Reading between the lines.
I am however somewhat uncomfortable with people saying she's being unreasonable. Let's not forget this women is giving up her time to listen to other people's children read, and for no reward or numeration. She doesn't have to do it. I think she deserves a bit of credit.

Squeezepast · 16/01/2015 19:07

The parent helper is definitely being unreasonable here. I'm not surprised you are annoyed. The school I worked made parent helpers sign confidentiality agreements and they didn't help in their own child's class/year group. This usually stopped any issues, though there were still problems with parent helpers nosing in other children's home school diaries or reporting back to parents on children's behaviour.

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 16/01/2015 19:09

ghost sure...it's very admirable (forgetting the part where she wants to bulk out her CV in order to go into being a TA) but she doesn't deserve to be allowed to ditch my child's privacy.

OP posts:

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