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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to discuss my child's reading in the playground?

54 replies

MrsTawdry · 16/01/2015 10:51

I might need to get a grip...and if you lot tell me so then I'll get one.

DD is in year 2 and has had a hard time with reading owing to undiagnosed sight issues. She got glasses last year though and has been catching up nicely.

Anyway...one of the other Mums in her class is a reading volunteer. She is a nice person but she keeps discussing DDs reading progress with me in the playground at pick up.

It makes me uncomfortable but I'm not sure why. I think it's because she's not a teacher...and my relationship with her isn't the same as it is WITH a teacher if you know what I mean.

She's positive and all that but I still don't like it. AIBU and if not what can I do?

OP posts:
dragdownthemoon · 16/01/2015 19:10

YANBU. Speak to the teacher.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 16/01/2015 19:11

If she was just occasionally saying something along the lines of "it's amazing how much DD's reading has improved lately", I'd say YABU.

If it's anything more than that, and she's persistently doing it, YANBU.

dragdownthemoon · 16/01/2015 19:13

Perhaps you could make an appointment with the teacher and just say you wanted to get her opinion on your daughters reading as the parent volunteer has said XYZ to you and you would rather discuss it with the teacher. That way you have let teacher know the volunteer has said something, without it being a complaint, and you get a progress report at the same time! (I have a "slow" yr2 reader too) xx

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 16/01/2015 19:15

I was a TA and a volunteer helper when my children were very young and at primary school. I would NEVER have discussed anything about any child to their parent outside of school hours. It is absolutely a breach of confidentiality, and you could probably mention it discretely to your child's class teacher, in much the same way as you have here, to get it resolved.

DustyCropHopper · 16/01/2015 19:27

She is being unreasonable. I listen to readers in ds2's class and have children of close friends in there. I may say oh I listened to your child today but that is all, no comments on their reading ability, nothing. Even when one mum was saying what a lovely reader her child was after I said I had listened to them read that day (met up for a play after school), I didn't comment. I would speak to the class teacher.

Purplepoodle · 16/01/2015 19:33

What is she actually saying? If it's just a comment like ''your dd is doing so well" I wouldn't be bothered but if she's going into details then I would. Perhaps she's trying to complement you on progress dd has made

OddFodd · 16/01/2015 19:53

Purple - it doesn't matter if the child is doing brilliantly or is failing to read at all. It is inappropriate. And it's particularly inappropriate in the fucking playground.

SorchaN · 16/01/2015 21:00

I wouldn't want my child's progress discussed in the playground.

It's interesting that the reading volunteer is one of the other mums - this kind of dual relationship (social and professional) can lead to difficulties, and it seems the volunteer is failing to maintain appropriate boundaries. I agree with others who have suggested having a quiet word with the teacher.

IDontDoIroning · 16/01/2015 21:12

One - its not for her to discuss your child with you it's the teachers responsibility.

Two - the play ground is not the place to do this.

She MAY have good intentions but I would suggest you speak to the teacher as she should be advised as to what is appropriate and what isn't.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 16/01/2015 21:18

Dusty I don't even think you should say "Oh I listened to your child today" It's got nothing to do with me...it's not my business...I know it IS but as you can't or shouldn't talk about it with me then you shouldn't mention it.

It reminds the other parent that you're privvy to info they're not....and changes that relationship...makes me feel uncomfortable and judging from this thread I am not the only one.

I just avoided her today but will definitely mention it to the teacher in a roundabout way.

OP posts:
WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 16/01/2015 21:27

I disagree she wont neccasrily know and its the schools role to tell her not yours she shouldnt be ding ot

RaggyAnnie · 16/01/2015 21:42

YANBU any feedback should come through the teacher. Bringing it up in the playground puts you on the spot and no matter how discreet she may be, it certainly shouldn't be discussed in public.

Starlightbright1 · 16/01/2015 21:53

You have 2 choices here...Tell her you would rather discuss your child with the teacher or speak to the teacher...

I previously listened to readers and never spoke to the parents about it..Although one child did come up to me at a party I took my DS and the child asked if he could read to me...lol

shebird · 16/01/2015 22:03

YANBU I would speak to the class teacher as I am certain that the school would not be happy with this. Perhaps it is well intended but she needs to be reminded of the confidentiality rules.

While I am grateful for those who volunteer to read, i am a little uncomfortable about a some volunteers at our school because their whole lives revolve around the school gate and they are just big mouth gossips.

Volunteerreader · 17/01/2015 10:55

Hi MrsTawdry

This could possibly be about me and since I read it last night I have been fretting. I really enjoy listening to the children read and will miss doing it. I am sorry you are so annoyed with what I said. I was making conversation as we are both volunteer readers. I can assure you I don't discuss reading with anyone else whether it is about their child or not, nor do I disguss your child with anyone else. You listen to my child read and I asked you how they were doing and you replied.

I can see you are upset about this and I can only apologise. It was a general your child is doing so well and is keen and of course I had no idea this would be a problem.

There is no need to tell the teacher from my point of view as I understand even saying I read with your child today is a problem for you but if you do I understand you feel very strongly about this. Nothing else is ever discussed and I am aware I am not a teacher.

I appreciate you volunteering as my child benefits from someone else listening to them read as well as us doing so each night.

Again I apologise.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 17/01/2015 23:27

Hmm I don't think you're the person to which I'm referring to.

OP posts:
Volunteerreader · 18/01/2015 08:45

Of course there is no way of knowing but either way I know not to even tell someone I read with their child today as it could annoy them.

Why the Hmm face? Confused

thegreylady · 18/01/2015 08:51

Oh gosh I volunteer at dgs school as do several mums and people do seem to say,"oh I read with x today". I read with my own dgs last week as his teacher said he should have a turn. We have never been told not to mention it. I am a retired teacher and would never comment on child's achievment just the fact that they had read.

Pagwatch · 18/01/2015 08:53

It is a bit random and unlikely that it is the same person isn't it?

I suspect it just illustrates that 'oh , your child is doing so well' comments are not uncommon.

odyssey2001 · 18/01/2015 09:04

There should be either a volunteering policy or a code of conduct. We hold annual meetings for volunteers to remind them of the need for confidentiality and we send out very clear guidance. I would inform the teacher and if nothing changes, then have an informal talk with leadership (probably the deputy head in the first instance).

happystory · 18/01/2015 09:17

One of our local schools stopped asking for parental help with reading exactly because of this problem.

Theboodythatrocked · 18/01/2015 09:30

Yes right ho then.Hmm

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 18/01/2015 21:31

Volunteer the Hmm face is because if you want to address me personally about this...a sensitive matter...it is usual to private message about it and NOT stick it all over the public thread. But whatever....I know you're not her.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsTawdry · 18/01/2015 21:33

greyLady but why would you need to comment in the playground "Oh I read with X today"? What reason would you say that?

I can see from my child's reading diary that she's read that day...or by the fact that she'll have changed books.

I'd just rather not discuss her education with another parent qualified teacher or not....not unless you're actually her teacher.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 18/01/2015 21:40

Awkward.

Just purely out of nosy interest are you also a volunteer reader MrsT? Or is this why you know it's not you.

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