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Original poster

To be worried/upset about not having children

47 replies

parsnipandmushroom · 15/01/2015 17:21

Just that, really.

I'm single - hence not having any yet.

I know it's a pointless whinge and I'll be fine soon but I work in a very female dominated environment and another colleague went on maternity leave today and I had to smile and give her a bouquet of flowers but inside I was weeping!

Sorry - being silly!

OP posts:
Middleagedmotheroftwo · 15/01/2015 17:23

How old are you? Do you actually want to have kids one day? Or are you just having a "moment"?

frankie001 · 15/01/2015 17:29

Me too Parsnip, I'm nearly 33 and single, just can't see it happening. :-(

Pensionerpeep · 15/01/2015 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
parsnipandmushroom · 15/01/2015 17:31

Oh, I definitely want children!

I'm 34 - 35 this year.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 15/01/2015 17:34

You still have a fair bit of time left. Do you want a relationship currently? If so, then I always say you have to get out there and make an effort to find someone and don't waste time on men you can't see a long term future with. Hope that doesn't sound patronising by the way!

Middleagedmotheroftwo · 15/01/2015 17:39

I didnt get married until my 30s. First child at 34, second at 36. Met DH and was married and pregnant within the year - 20+ years ago, so never say never. I have several friends who started later than me. I understand how you feel, having been in a similar situstion, but from where i am now, i can tell you that there's plenty of time yet.

Though you don't need a partner to have a child these days. Its not for everyone (me anyway), but you could just go and get yourself pregnant. Or adopt, or foster.

Original poster
parsnipandmushroom · 15/01/2015 17:43

Yes - currently doing my best to meet the elusive One but no joy!

Getting myself pregnant isn't something I'm sure of at all; I definitely wouldn't want to adopt and fostering isn't becoming a parent.

OP posts:
Middleagedmotheroftwo · 15/01/2015 17:46

You have at least another 10 child bearing years, all being well. Get yourself out there - don't turn down any invitations to socialise. If you don't particularly think you'll enjoy something, go anyway. Ask your friends if they can set you up. Join classes, social groups. It will happen, I promise x

MrsTawdry · 15/01/2015 17:47

Yes another ten years in front of you OP. What about egg freezing in the meantime?

Andcake · 15/01/2015 17:52

One thing I wish I'd done at your age was check my fertility. I actually got round to it at 36-37 when I was in a bit of an unstable relationship with a chap I'd met at 35.
I had v v v bad news but it focused the mind I decided I really wanted kids. Dp stepped up to the mark - committed. After 3 painful years mc etc I had dc at 40.
I would love another but have to be realistic and that is hitting as wellHmm
I wish I'd known my situation earlier to perhaps plan better - I also know people who easily used donor sperm at 42.
I just think that many people can say I met someone at 39 and conceived 3 months later it will be ok but I strongly believe in finding out your own situation.
But do have a good cry - I remember I did lots between 30-36 - wanting a child and not being in a situation to have one is a bit like unrequited love.

Messygirl · 15/01/2015 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
parsnipandmushroom · 15/01/2015 17:59

That's reassuring - thanks :) Although 10 years is pushing it! I'd be 45 when I gave birth! Shock

OP posts:
7to25 · 15/01/2015 18:04

Nowt wrong wi' that!

funkyfoam · 15/01/2015 18:04

I have a friend who married at 39. First baby at 40. Baby number four at 47. You are a youngster!

expatinscotland · 15/01/2015 18:10

I would go it alone. I would not bank on having another 10 years of childbearing ahead of me at 34-35. Sorry, I know quite a few people who, sadly, found out they had fertility issues in their late 30s and, despite much assistance, have been unable to conceive and now, at my age (44 next month), it ain't gonna happen.

imip · 15/01/2015 18:12

I do know a couple of women - single and in a relationship, that had babies through sperm and egg donations. There is always options.

In my mind, I would have done similar when I hit 40. That was my plan when I was 30.

I ended up having 4 dcs at 35, 37, 39 and 40.

I also know about 5 women who had a dc at around 40. In most instances, these friends were unable to go on to have another dc. Only one that did used IVF and could pay for it.

I also know women in their early 40s who are unstable relationships and want dcs. I want to tell them to just leave their dps and look for a sperm donor while they have a fertility window. I don't say it of course, it sadness me to see them so sad.

But you still do have a good few years, not saying it will be easy ... But don't lose hope yet....

Original poster
parsnipandmushroom · 15/01/2015 18:32

I'm really not sure having a baby without a partner is for me. But thank you :) This is why it is hard as if I don't meet somebody - well, I won't be a mum.

OP posts:
MagicMojito · 15/01/2015 18:46

I think ideally you would start a family with two parents, however if your sure you want to be a parent, and if you know it would be a huge regret if that didn't happen, then I'd seriously look into going it alone. Plenty of people end up on their own anyway Smile

MagicMojito · 15/01/2015 18:50

That was supposed to be a supportive message to OP. I'm not happy that people sometimes end up alone. Its meant as away of saying lots of people end up alone and are perfectly happy, even if its not the way it was planned Blush

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 15/01/2015 18:50

I was suddenly single at 35 and felt just like this.

Met my DH a few years later and had DS at 43 without any additional assistance. My best mate at the school gates had her DD at 44.

So try not to worry about an unknown future. You still have plenty of time.

gilmoregirl · 15/01/2015 19:11

Hi sorry to interrupt ladies but can I just ask a question please ?

To the people who either met their DP post 35 or who have friends who did and then went on to have children.

How????

I am v keen to meet someone snd would love to get married and have babies but on online dating the vast majority of men have a cut off of 35, so men my age want someone younger presumably yo have children with......

I still hold out hope though at 41 I am about to give up hope as no longer realistic :(

( I do have one DS but would so love more children and I have been single for ages so totally get where you are coming from OP as I find it v hard when everyone around me is having babies!)

expatinscotland · 15/01/2015 19:24

'So try not to worry about an unknown future. You still have plenty of time.'

That is not really a given.

Chaseface · 15/01/2015 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SorchaN · 15/01/2015 20:48

You're definitely not being silly.

I met my partner on an online dating site and he stupidly put a cut off age that was younger than I was. I ignored it and contacted him anyway, and it turned out that he wasn't actually all that committed to dating younger women - I think he just assumed that most men date younger women as some kind of social construct. Silly man.

I suspect you might need to be quite proactive about meeting someone, but wanting a family is a very normal thing to feel, and there are definitely men out there who also want a family - you just need to track them down!

CatThiefKeith · 15/01/2015 21:58

I met dh at 35, was 36 a couple o months later and had dd when I was 37.

I was told in my 20's I was infertile so a bit of a surprise, but an extremely happy one.

Dh is 12 years younger than me, he is convinced it was his super sperm that did the trick.

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