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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that ds has been downgraded in his ability groups?

73 replies

Whowillsaveyoursoul · 15/01/2015 16:51

He's 5 and in year one.
He was in the upper middle literacy group and he's now in the lower middle and he was in the top numeracy group but now he's in the middle.
Moved from both at the same time. I'm surprised re numeracy since he's pretty quick with numbers / shapes etc but I think the fact his fine motor is hopeless might be stopping him from recording things and setting things out very well. For instance he would write 25 - 2 as 52 - 5 in all likelihood. And it would not be neat.

I'm less surprised re literacy because his handwriting is not good either and there are some really able children in his class.

But Aibu to feel a little sad that instead of improving he's slipping down the class?

OP posts:

ilikebaking · 15/01/2015 16:53

Well, yanbu to be sad, but yabu to sound so powerless about it.
It is also your job to educate him, so what do you intend to do?

IAmAPaleontologist · 15/01/2015 16:54

Of course YANBU to feel sad.

I hope he works well in his new groups and can progress better without getting left behind :)

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2015 16:56

yabu.

tnis o's nothing to do with your parenting or any sign of your son's future abilities. It is fat better to be top of a lower group than bottom of a higher one and struggling.

The groups will likely fluctuate throughout his schooling..If you get this emotional every time you will be a wreck

mmgirish · 15/01/2015 16:57

It's better to be a big fish in a small pond...

grandmainmypocket · 15/01/2015 16:58

Hiya. I understand as a parent you want your child to improve. Going down a group at this age doesn't always mean he's not improving it may just mean that others are progressing at a faster rate. So the group dynamics may have changed.
I hope that makes sense.

Original poster

Whowillsaveyoursoul · 15/01/2015 16:58

I'm doing as much as I can but if he's only average ability or below there's not much I CAN do is there??
He reads every day, always gets all his spellings right, we do stuff to help his fine motor, play lots of numeracy games - can't see what else I can do really.

OP posts:

nipersvest · 15/01/2015 16:58

moving groups is not always down to a decrease in ability, it may be a tactic to boost his confidence, ie for some kids it works better for them to be in a group they are doing well within, rather than in a group where they feel they are struggling to keep up.

forwarding · 15/01/2015 17:00

YABU

He's in whichever group suits him the best. If it's top, so what? If it's middle or bottom, so what?

They all cover the same stuff at different paces.

You need to stop getting invested in this type of thing. It isn't good or bad, it just IS.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2015 17:02

you can stop seeing it as some sort of failure on. your part for starters.

If school have any concerns they will tell you. In the mean time don't worry about it and putting so much pressure on yourselves

Mammanat222 · 15/01/2015 17:03

Do they actually put such young kids in groups? Is this usual? Thought it was something reserved for older kids / secondary school.

Ineedacleaningfairy · 15/01/2015 17:03

There is nothing wrong with being average, just try to be happy about his progress rather than sad that others are progressing faster.

YouTheCat · 15/01/2015 17:04

Lots of children struggle with their fine motor skills at that age. Just because he is now, doesn't mean he still will be at 7 or 8.

YABU to write him off at such a young age.

BackOnlyBriefly · 15/01/2015 17:04

Is it just a mark on a record or does going down a level mean he will get extra attention which will help him zoom up again? If the latter then it may be in his best interest.

I completely understand about the handwriting thing. Mine was so bad I was embarrassed by it. I avoided writing anything when I could and it had a knock on effect.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 15/01/2015 17:08

If it helps, my seven year old ds1 was moved down a reading group by his teacher when he was five as he was taking a long time to finish his book compared to the other children in his group.

I was really worried as I thought it would put him off, but he became more confident at reading because he was no longer the last to finish. We bought him books at Christmas and he is reading books for 9-10 year olds.

He is still in the middle reading group at school though! He finds it a bit too easy but I'm glad he has confidence in his ability, and I don't think he would have that without having been moved when he was five.

Original poster

Whowillsaveyoursoul · 15/01/2015 17:08

Yes they ability group from reception.
He won't get extra help. I'm trying to do fun stuff at home to help his fine motor but it's a struggle. He is partially sighted in one eye which I don't think helps and unless the light is good he finds it difficult to see even with his glasses and his better eye.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2015 17:12

You seem to be looking for reasons ad to why he's not living up to your expectations

stop it.

Kids learn in different ways and times. He will be moved several times before the end of school

what's wrong g with being average. It's allowed .

overmydeadbody · 15/01/2015 17:14

Mammanatt it's a pretty good way of ensuring you teach to each child's ability and make sure they make progress. How else would a teacher manage to taylor learning to each child's needs?

Original poster

Whowillsaveyoursoul · 15/01/2015 17:14

I meant the sight thing doesn't help his fine motor which needs work regardless of academic ability.

Yes I suspect overall he will be average but he seems to be below average now in literacy.

OP posts:

atticusclaw · 15/01/2015 17:14

My advice would be to just keep an eye on how it affects him being moved down.

I have two DSs. If DS1 was moved down a group it would spur him on to show the teachers they were wrong and he would be up again in a flash. He is a very motivated, ultra competitive, trier.

If DS2 was moved down a group he would be full of woe and go on about how he's the most stupid boy on the planet and he would switch off completely. This has in fact happened to him and when I spoke to the maths teacher she told me she hadn't realised that was his personality type and her intention had been to give him a kick up the bum thinking he'd react like his brother does and try extra hard. Now that she realises that is not how he reacts she has changed her approach with him.

overmydeadbody · 15/01/2015 17:16

Whowillsaveyoursoul just try to remember that it doesn't matter if your child is 'just' average, as long as they enjoy learning, are confident, and put effort in and try their best.

Your DS will still be improving, he is not regressing in his own learning is he?

Top set children are not the only ones who go on to live happy successful lives as adults, which is presumably what you want for your DS in the long term?

Thenapoleonofcrime · 15/01/2015 17:17

I know it's hard, but you really have to let this group thing go. My extremely able dd was in the 'middle' group for maths all last year. I knew she wasn't middle group ability, but I asked her if she wanted me to go in and see why, and she said no. In the end, doing well in the middle group was good for her and less stressful than struggling in the top group. Plus someone has to be in these groups!

I wouldn't get anxious at this stage that he's not improving, the groups are very fluid and there are lots of reasons for different grouping at this age, including things like friendships/emotional reasons.

If you have genuine concerns talk with the teacher but if you are supporting his education the best you can, then what will happen will happen.

Hoppinggreen · 15/01/2015 17:17

I'm surprised you even know about the groups. My son s in year 1 and I don't know which ability group he's in. I don't actually want to know either as it means nothing and I can't affect it anyway.
I do want to know how he is doing and whether he is happy but I don't feel that the group he is in is relevant.
If he is ok and doing well I wouldn't worry about the groupings

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 15/01/2015 17:19

You must know yabu.

If the school are responding to the needs of the children and giving them work which challenges them but doesn't push them beyond their limits, that's a good thing.

Your ds is only 5! Children develop at different rates. Keep doing what you are doing and enjoy your son without worrying too much.

Pico2 · 15/01/2015 17:19

I don't think that calling them "ability groups" is helping you here. Groupings don't necessarily represent "ability" in the sense of potential. They just are a way if grouping children who are currently performing at a particular level and are working on similar "next steps".

overmydeadbody · 15/01/2015 17:20

To improve his fine motor skills get him on some monkey bars as often as possible. Mastering monkey bars and regular sessions on them help to improve fine motor control in general.

Get him playing with playdough or plastacine lots too, and doing things like building with lego and using tweezers to transfer things like dried pasta or dried beans from one container to another. Make it a challenge by getting him to see how many he can do in one minute or something.

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