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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen weekend, aibu?

36 replies

slithytove · 15/01/2015 15:32

I know I'm not but I feel guilty so can you lovely vipers make me feel better please!

Hen weekend in 3 months, 200 miles from me, deposit needed in a fortnight, total cost around £200 not including the transport there or the fancy dress.

I have an ebf 4 month old who doesn't yet sleep through. Yes she will be on solids by then but I don't know how well, and I wanted to continue bf, so 2 nights away could be really difficult. I've never yet been 2 nights away from pfb Blush.

This is my main reason, but in addition, I have no spare money. Not even for the deposit let alone the whole weekend.

And if that wasn't quite enough, I only know the bride, out of the 25 or so attendees.

So I've declined and will save up and send a bottle of something. But I feel so bloody guilty. Aibu to not go, and aibu to feel guilty?

OP posts:
BOFster · 15/01/2015 15:33

YANBU. You are absolved, my child.

MaximumVolume · 15/01/2015 15:34

No, of course you aren't being unreasonable! Now stop worrying! Smile

Blackout234 · 15/01/2015 15:34

YANBU to both, But its not your fault, don't worry im sure she will understand x

karatekimmi · 15/01/2015 15:34

Don't feel guilty, just be honest and say you don't have that sort of spare money, have a great time. It would be lovely to go for a drink locally with you!! It will be more like £500 including drinks and extras!!

FannyFifer · 15/01/2015 15:34

You have no reason to feel guilty, you can't go so that's it, no need to feel bad.

Waitingonasunnyday · 15/01/2015 15:36

YANBU. And you have declined not said yes and dropped out nearer the time. So perfectly acceptable. And you do not need to send a bottle of anything!!

vindscreenviper · 15/01/2015 15:36

Of course YANBU.

unless the 'bottle of something' is breastmilk Grin

Helphelphelps · 15/01/2015 15:36

Don't feel guilty, thats a lot of money to spend. If your friend doesn't understand that, then SIBU!

Writerwannabe83 · 15/01/2015 15:39

There's absolutely NO WAY that I would go and be away from PFB for that long. Grin My DS is 10 months and the longest I've been away from him is about 7 hours and that was bad enough!!

YANBU - please don't feel guilty!!

19lottie82 · 15/01/2015 15:40

of course not, my friend agreed to go on my hen weekend then changed her mind because she didn't want to leave her 6 month old. I was absolutely fine with it. if the hen gets the hump then she's a shit friend. when you plan a hen like this, you need to appreciate that, a lot of people wont be able to make it due to the cost and work / family commitments..

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2015 15:42

Really, is anyone going to say YABU?! Grin

BoredChurch · 15/01/2015 15:44

YANBU (as I'm sure you already know Smile )

The only thing you are unreasonable about is feeling guilty about it. I wouldn't.

HandMini · 15/01/2015 15:45

It is fine to say no. Regardless of baby, money, breasts/bottles, fancy dress, preciousness or anything else, it is still fine to say no.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 15:45

It sounds grim. I think it's useful that you had very acceptable reasons for declining.

TagineKaput · 15/01/2015 15:47

YANBU, of course. The bride will understand.

And it's a lovely idea to send a bottle of bubbly or something.

shakemysilliesout · 15/01/2015 15:47

Yabu!

JokingGrin

Don't feel guilty

TracyBarlow · 15/01/2015 15:47

If it makes you feel better, I missed both of my best friends' hen dos due to ebf baby no 1 and ebf baby no 2. With ebf baby no 3 I'm going to be missing my sister's hen do. It's shit, but that's life.

TheListingAttic · 15/01/2015 15:52

I've missed many a hen do because of cost and because I just didn't fancy it - no pfb to make it genuinely difficult! You've nothing to feel guilty about, and anyone bride worth being friends with will understand that!

Ememem84 · 15/01/2015 15:52

YABU. How dare you put yourself/your family first. This is a hen day/weekend/week/month. Can't you realise this...? it's the most important day in wedding planning (other than the wedding/the rehearsal dinner/the post wedding drinks)

Worra is that what you were expecting?

Slithytove obviously I am not being serious. YANBU. and although you are super thoughtful to send a bottle of something.

Original poster
slithytove · 15/01/2015 16:12

Grin I know it's ok not to go (invitation not a summons etc) but I'm the only one of her friends with kids, and she has no idea how skint I am. So I do feel bad from that PoV.

I've not actually given a reason yet, just said to her chief bm sorry I can't make it and have a lovely time.

I will NOT be sending breast milk Grin its liquid gold! will consider lambrini, that other liquid gold

OP posts:
itosh · 15/01/2015 16:13

YANBU I am getting married soon and would invite you so you weren't left out but knowing you had a young baby not expect you to come!

EEVEElution · 15/01/2015 16:16

I'm in this exact position at the moment! Wonder if we have both been invited to the same hen party Hmm

Original poster
slithytove · 15/01/2015 16:18

Maybe! Did you get the email today?

OP posts:
DonnaTheKamikaze · 15/01/2015 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
slithytove · 15/01/2015 16:21

I can leave her for a few hours as she take milk from a cup, and when she is on solids it'll be even easier. Dinner is a good plan. Bride lives an hour away from me so not insurmountable with a bit of advance planning.

OP posts: