Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen weekend, aibu?

36 replies

slithytove · 15/01/2015 15:32

I know I'm not but I feel guilty so can you lovely vipers make me feel better please!

Hen weekend in 3 months, 200 miles from me, deposit needed in a fortnight, total cost around £200 not including the transport there or the fancy dress.

I have an ebf 4 month old who doesn't yet sleep through. Yes she will be on solids by then but I don't know how well, and I wanted to continue bf, so 2 nights away could be really difficult. I've never yet been 2 nights away from pfb Blush.

This is my main reason, but in addition, I have no spare money. Not even for the deposit let alone the whole weekend.

And if that wasn't quite enough, I only know the bride, out of the 25 or so attendees.

So I've declined and will save up and send a bottle of something. But I feel so bloody guilty. Aibu to not go, and aibu to feel guilty?

OP posts:
EEVEElution · 15/01/2015 16:22

Ah no, Sunday. But it does sound very similar! I don't think I'm going to mine either, it will cost a small fortune and I don't want to be away from DD that long but I feel bad as the hen is a very good friend :( so YANBU!

wonkylegs · 15/01/2015 16:29

Don't feel guilty at all. I'm slightly horrified about the mounting costs of the Hen do I'm going to but as they aren't really having a wedding I feel it's more of a party to celebrate my friends nuptials so feels slightly more acceptable. I only know the bride and no one else and there are no upfront costs but as its in London - travel costs and hotel alone are eye watering and that's before I even spend on drinks, entry, food etc.
I Wouldn't be going however if I couldn't get childcare or afford it & I wouldn't dream of feeling guilty about it.

Original poster
slithytove · 15/01/2015 16:32

See the wedding is also 200 miles away on a bank holiday weekend, no kids invited, so we are saving like mad for that.

Will stop feeling guilty now!

OP posts:
SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 15/01/2015 17:37

Don't feel guilty, expecting people to give up days on end and to pay for the pleasure is selfish. A hen night suffices, it doesn't need to be a weekend.

ToBeeOrNot · 15/01/2015 18:01

YABU to feel guilty.

I'm not attending a similarly priced hen do for a close-ish friend because of the cost. I can afford it but it's way too much to pay for 1 weekend.

Original poster
slithytove · 15/01/2015 18:26

This one is just in such a random place. Bride is in Manchester ish, other friends are Scotland/London.

So northwest would have been a good, inexpensive compromise.

They did not choose Scotland, London, or the northwest.

Just costed it all up, the whole thing would be over £300. I can't even get that together by April so I don't really have a choice :(

Such a pity. I'd have gone for just the daytime activity if it was closer.

OP posts:
Original poster
slithytove · 15/01/2015 18:27

and I didn't even have a hen night and the wedding is costing loads and the bride to be didnt give a card at my wedding

Petty side coming out Grin

OP posts:
Gawjushun · 15/01/2015 18:36

Nobody should expect you to do two nights away when you have a seven month old, whether they're breastfed or not. It's difficult when you're one of the first of the group to have a baby, as you probably don't feel like they understand the situation.

To be honest the cost would put me off massively anyway. I'd be using the baby as an excuse! Grin

Bogeyface · 15/01/2015 18:40

Tbh I wouldnt be bothering with the wedding either. If it entails you missing out so you can save up, then its too much for them to ask of you.

HaPPy8 · 15/01/2015 18:43

Its fine as long as you decline straight away. The only time these things become are problem in my opinion are when people say they will go and want to do these things then change their mind at the last minute. You don't seem to have done that so I don't think you should feel guilty at all.

Original poster
slithytove · 15/01/2015 18:49

I have declined today. Didn't have a choice, they need deposits in 2 weeks and I don't have it.

We are going to do the wedding as we are lucky in that it is an hour away from pil, so we have childcare sorted. Just need to figure out if transport or a hotel would be cheaper for the night itself. Plus she is a lovely person and has no idea about this hen do apparently. By then it'll be nice to have a grown up night out as a couple, so saving up will be worthwhile.

Being away from my whole family and using my overdraft for a hen weekend with strangers, will not.

Think I've / you've persuaded me away from guilt and towards they are asking too much of me! Haha

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread