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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sad that so many children won't have a "family home" in the future?

77 replies

MrsTawdry · 15/01/2015 14:41

Or am I being overly sentimental about something which doesn't really matter?

I'm talking about the generation of families aged between 24 and 45 who can't afford to buy and are stuck in a cycle of private lets which don't often see out their children growing up.

I know that when my Mum was small in the 40s that renting was normal...no working class child that she knew had one home from birth to 18...it just didn't happen.

Then council housing was built on a large scale...and working class families COULD settle...I for one grew up from birth to 23 in the same council house on a lovely estate...and my Mum still lives there.

She and my Dad bought it...and that's where things started to go wrong isn't it? The Right To Buy has ensured that DH and I...we can't get a council house or housing association place as there are hardly any available ever...they've all been bought up.

...and rentals from private LLs are insecure...we can't afford to buy a private home...with a mortgage so have always rented.

My older Dd has lived in 4 homes...granted one of them was for 7 years...and to her that's home even though we had to leave last year when the owner needed to sell. She was 9 when we left.

We're moving abroad to DHs home country where we will be able to buy thanks to a gift from a relative...we could buy here but we both feel that we need to go now as his Dad is unwell.

However...DD1 is ten now...she won't be able to look back and say "That's where my home is..."

Or will she? Where will "home" be to her? Confused And...does it matter?

OP posts:
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 15/01/2015 18:42

I lived in 14 different houses before the age of 18. I think. There might have been one more before I was old enough to remember. Mum and Dad split up when I was 11 so some of the moves were simultaneous as they both rented for a bit before buying again. The house I think of most as 'home' is my granny's - but I know that for Dad, his 'home' was the house his parents lived in while he was young (they moved into their current house the year I was born).

So, what constitutes 'the family home' for a child whose parents are divorced, but who have 50-50 custody? Their mother's home, or their father's? Both at once?

I don't think it's sad - it's a fact of life. As PP have said, it's family that makes a home, not the house.

squoosh · 15/01/2015 19:21

Ah I see Nancy. I had no idea that the over 60s were exempt from the bedroom tax. In that case I completely agree, it makes no sense that one person can live solo in a three bedroom house when there are so many families on waiting lists.

CaptainJamesTKirk · 15/01/2015 19:23

I grew up in army quarters... Never did me any harm. It was quite exciting having a new house every 2 years.

amicissimma · 15/01/2015 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 15/01/2015 20:28

Re over 60s in council houses....even though we're in the position of not having a home of our own, I just don't think I could move in to a house knowing it was because some elderly person had been chucked out!

It shouldn';t have come to this...the houses should NEVER have been available to buy.

Thatcher did a number on us. She allowed right to buy...and now we're suffering the consequences as owning property is only for the very well off or the very lucky.

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 15/01/2015 20:45

My mum has recently had to sell the "family home" that I grew up in. Does it matter? No, home is the memories in my heart. Bricks and mortar aren't important.

DrCoconut · 15/01/2015 21:28

My DH moved area a lot as a child and I think it has affected his ability to put down roots and make friends. He doesn't really get involved in anything or with anyone (much), as if he'll be moving on soon so not much point. He can be quite throwaway in his attitude to people, a bit like getting a new goldfish when the old one dies, you just forget it and move on.

thegreylady · 15/01/2015 21:38

I was born in 1944 and until I was 6 we lived in half a house which belonged to my gp. The other half was rented out. When I was 6 we moved to a brand new council house where my parents lived until 1983 when they moved to sheltered housing so that council house is where my memories are.
My children lived in a house that we owned from 1975 to 1994 so that was there 'family home' however I now live many miles from there in a bungalow where none of my dc have lived. When we are all together then there is 'home'.

thegreylady · 15/01/2015 21:40

My dad would never exercise his 'right to buy' as he felt it was wrong iyswim.

Mrsjayy · 15/01/2015 21:59

My dad was a miner he would rather poke his eye out with a rusty nail than buy his council house I think he thought the money went into maggie thatchers bank account

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 15/01/2015 22:08

MrsJayy I reckon he was right! Grin

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 15/01/2015 22:23

Probably Grin thing is now there is no smaller houses for them to go to so people think they are rattiling about in a family home they have lived there over 30 years there is no houses or flats for them to go to

Suzannewithaplan · 15/01/2015 22:24

it's surely possible for some sort of property tax to encourage people to sell homes that are underoccupied.

Homes are a finite resource and a basic human, need much like food....we'd find it unacceptable if some people were to buy up all the food while others went hungry

Redhead11 · 15/01/2015 22:28

I lived in 4 different homes growing up and to me the house was 'home', as in that was where i lived, but it wasn't the 'family home' that i think you mean. To me, the area where I lived was/is home, even though i don't live there now and this area is home as well. I still talk about going 'home' when i return to the area where i grew up.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 15/01/2015 22:28

Suzanne we're talking really about council houses...that are under occupied.

But yes...we need something done. We're leaving the UK. It's the only thing we can do which seems sensible now that we've got an opportunity out there.

I love the UK so much but...well I don't want to be renting a house when I'm 70...from some landlord who could just chuck me out.

What will happen to tenants in their older years? When they're older, maybe with some health issues...and there are no sheltered bungalows to send them to...probably be forced into a home.

OP posts:
Pensionerpeep · 15/01/2015 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NancyJones · 15/01/2015 22:39

MrsJayy, yes there is a massive problem with a lack of houses to downsize into.

wyamc · 15/01/2015 22:49

I'm not sure it's about home ownership as such. My parents were owner occupiers but had to move a lot for work. I do feel I can't say where I come from when people ask. We lived in a lot of surburban type places with no real identity e.g. Coulsdon and moved around a lot. As such I couldn't call anywhere home or tell anybody where I come from. I do think it is destabilising - I'm very keen to at least stay put for dc's school years if we possibly can.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 15/01/2015 23:00

Wymac were you born in a place where you also lived for a time? I'd say I was from the place I was born in.

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 15/01/2015 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wyamc · 15/01/2015 23:29

Ms Tawdry - no, we moved fairly soon after I was born from a medway town. I feel sort of groundless - dh comes from somewhere and it's part of his identity. I hope I'm not diminishing the very real problem of the insecurity associated with renting and lack of housing. Just to say I think it's more of a society thing - people having to move for work, not being able to stay where their family/roots are any more. It does leave you with a lack of identity to some extent. But it's becoming very common now.

littlejohnnydory · 18/01/2015 12:39

My 7 year old has lived in 6 houses. I don't think it bothers him, he's quite excited by moving. My parents still live in the house I grew up in but I don't think of it as a family home - it's definitely not my home, it's just my mum and dad's house. They don't treat it as my home though so possibly why and I haven't stayed there since we got married. It's nearby so there's no going to stay.
Yanbu to feel differently though.

LePetitMarseillais · 18/01/2015 14:27

I was a forces child.Constantly moving is shite and stays with you for a longtime.

Yanbu.

Forces families have little choice in the matter as it is necessary however I think more should be done to ensure non forces kids have as stable a childhood as poss. Moving house is more likely to mean a change of school which can often involve a 6 month set back.

More rights for tenants re long term letting and a better rental system like the rest of Europe seem to enjoy is greatly needed imvho.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 18/01/2015 21:29

Brokenhearted who said anything about delinquents? Confused

OP posts:
maninawomansworld · 19/01/2015 13:36

It is a shame in a way but with the ever increasing population, demand for housing and the prices will only continue to go up so it is inevitable that those who are less well off will not have family homes come down through the generations.
I am the 7th generation to live in my family home and it is lovely to know that our family history is all here. It's something that a lot of people don't have and that is quite sad.