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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sad that so many children won't have a "family home" in the future?

77 replies

MrsTawdry · 15/01/2015 14:41

Or am I being overly sentimental about something which doesn't really matter?

I'm talking about the generation of families aged between 24 and 45 who can't afford to buy and are stuck in a cycle of private lets which don't often see out their children growing up.

I know that when my Mum was small in the 40s that renting was normal...no working class child that she knew had one home from birth to 18...it just didn't happen.

Then council housing was built on a large scale...and working class families COULD settle...I for one grew up from birth to 23 in the same council house on a lovely estate...and my Mum still lives there.

She and my Dad bought it...and that's where things started to go wrong isn't it? The Right To Buy has ensured that DH and I...we can't get a council house or housing association place as there are hardly any available ever...they've all been bought up.

...and rentals from private LLs are insecure...we can't afford to buy a private home...with a mortgage so have always rented.

My older Dd has lived in 4 homes...granted one of them was for 7 years...and to her that's home even though we had to leave last year when the owner needed to sell. She was 9 when we left.

We're moving abroad to DHs home country where we will be able to buy thanks to a gift from a relative...we could buy here but we both feel that we need to go now as his Dad is unwell.

However...DD1 is ten now...she won't be able to look back and say "That's where my home is..."

Or will she? Where will "home" be to her? Confused And...does it matter?

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 15/01/2015 15:58

OMG, dd is 11, I forgot Grin

Mrsjayy · 15/01/2015 16:02

I read a thread 8n here the poster had all grown up children a lovely house but far to big for her she said and a bit remote she was thinking long term but dithering about selling it because it was the family home I don't think you need to hang on to bricks

heygoldfish · 15/01/2015 16:07

I think if you can afford to rent privately in London you can afford to buy.

Not in London perhaps but nonetheless.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 15/01/2015 16:07

For me, people make life happy (or sad) not bricks and mortar.

Both of my DPs are dead & while I miss them both terribly and have very happy childhood memories, the house itself means nothing to me now. I drive past it often (I have to for work) and it is just where we lived.

I have every reason to believe that my memories and childhood would have been just as happy (or as bad for some people) if we had lived in lots of houses.

DS1 (17) has lived in 5 homes - two mortgaged & three rented. DS2 (13) has lived in the last 4 homes & DD (3) has only ever lived where we are now.

For me, where we are now is home.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 15/01/2015 16:11

This thread has made me feel a lot better. There are good things about renting. Getting the chance to live in all sorts of places is one of them...and all sorts of houses. Ive lived in Victorian flats, a cottage dating from 1750 and modern houses and flats.

Had I bought at 20...they wouldn't have been in my history.

I've had so many homes...across London, the North West and Australia....I think I'm going to sew a quilt depicting them all!

OP posts:
GotToBeInItToWinIt · 15/01/2015 16:21

heygold what about a deposit? Our rent is extortionate and we could get a mortgage much, much cheaper. However we have no deposit, and while we are paying extortionate rent we can't afford to save for one. We can't rent anywhere cheaper as we're already squeezed to the rafters (and it's not a very nice house!).

IdaClair · 15/01/2015 16:22

Hmm. I lived in the same house from birth to age 18. So I suppose that would be my 'family home'

Thing is, less than five years after I left it, it belonged to someone else, was completely renovated and is unrecognisable, and both my parents who made it into the 'family home' were gone and dead.

So do I have a 'family home' or don't I?

heygoldfish · 15/01/2015 16:29

Got - that's why I added the disclaimer 'not in london.'

It would be possible (presumably) to save for a deposit without the high rent being paid at the moment?

wonkylegs · 15/01/2015 16:38

Historically and even in the recent past home ownership was not the norm and certainly isn't still in many countries.
Even in families that own their houses they often don't have a home for life. My parents always owned our homes yet I lived in 7 of them before I left home and as an adult I have owned a further 4 properties.
Situations, lives and needs change and so do the places we live.
I didn't want to live in the area we are in but when DH got his last job the contract says we have to live within 20mins so we had to move.
I think it's daft that my neighbours live in a massive 10 bedroom house on their own because their kids grew up and they feel the need to keep the 'family home' despite readily admitting they can't cope.
For me your home is where you make it not the bricks and mortar it's in.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 15/01/2015 16:55

Wonky I know it's not been the norm historically...that's why I wrote about my Mum in rentals as a kid in the 40s. But it would be nice to have the choice.

OP posts:
GotToBeInItToWinIt · 15/01/2015 17:15

I don't know, I don't live in London! I live in another expensive city though in the south west. And yes, we could move out of the city but then it would cost more for DH to commute than we would save in rent as the commutable areas are expensive too. We tried it for a year, saved no money at all and DH ended up being out of the house for 14 hours a day due to the commute.

BetterTogether75 · 15/01/2015 17:16

YADNBU to think that private renting on 6-month or 12-month tenancies is not adequate security for a family raising children Sad Still, as other posters have said, home is where your loved ones are.

Pensionerpeep · 15/01/2015 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooManyMochas · 15/01/2015 17:31

I never really had a 'family home' and I'm not bothered, but then I'm horribly unsentimental about stuff like that. I would be more worried about the high numbers of children currently living in horribly substandard or over-crowded accommodation. I'm also not a huge fan of elderly couples clinging on to three or four bed 'family homes' for sentimental reasons when they could be housing actual families.

Tinks42 · 15/01/2015 17:33

I feel sad too for everyone that has to private rent indefinitely. Im very fortunate.

I grew up in the day that council/housing trust properties were available. I moved out into one at the age of 21, moved at the age of 27 (due to having a stalker, which is another story of course) Im still in the second property and have brought my son up here who is now 17. Im in a lovely London location and a secure tennant. It is however and one bedroom ground floor part of a house with a garden but we've managed perfectly and son loves it here. Being a secured tennant also means that I can pass it on to him.

Those were the days huh.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 15/01/2015 17:37

Tinks yes they bloody were! I remember when people would just think "Oh I fancy being a bit nearer my sister..." and they'd go up to the little hut in our village...which was the housing officer's hut...and ask...and there'd be something for them...or something within a month or two.

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 15/01/2015 17:42

Yep, and families did stay close to each other, the kids flew the nest if the wanted but always had a "home" to come back to if and when.

Jobs were also in abundance (here in London of course). You could walk out of one and into another. There wasn't this terrible fight/worry to get your children into a "top" school that only take the creme de la creme.

Oh, I could go on and on and on Grin

It's a very sad state of affairs now.

Ultracrepidarian · 15/01/2015 17:44

The only thing I find so sad is no roots at least not for our dc. We lost our home it was repossessed because we couldn't sell and had to move and rent. It was one bed and when we moved we were living there with 4 small dc.

We couldn't get a tennant and couldn't keep up with winter payments as dh has a seasonal job even though we offered the bank a treble payment in the summer months they wouldn't take it as no income is guaranteed - at least according to our bank. We lost the chance of selling and getting a deposit.

We have rented 3 times since then and are currently renting a mates house for awhile as our last house started collapsing and was very damp - plus the owners son wanted us to move as he wanted to demolish and rebuild for his family. I love were we are but we will have to move again in the next year.

When we move this will be dds 5th school and she's only 8. My middle 2 ds have asd and youngest ds has never really had roots. I feel nomadic. We are highlands and rentals are spread out and hard to get hold of.

I'd love to buy a home but the property crash destroyed our dreams of selling and making a profit and climbing the ladder. We are working hard to save again but until the house we had sells I have no idea of our future. I'm early thirties so by my 40s I hope things have changed.

StarsOfTrackAndField · 15/01/2015 17:49

I'd love to buy a home but the property crash destroyed our dreams of selling and making a profit and climbing the ladder.

And without wishing to be harsh is part of the problem with the attitude to housing in this country, people seem to see them as investment vehicles and until the late 2000s assumed that they'd only go up in value and people were encouraged to aspire to 'climbing the property ladder' rather than living in their home.

That's not a criticism of this poster as this attitude was so widespread and shared by governments and lenders.

squoosh · 15/01/2015 17:49

'I'm also not a huge fan of elderly couples clinging on to three or four bed 'family homes' for sentimental reasons when they could be housing actual families.'

If I find myself in my dotage living in a three or four bed house that I've paid for I'm going to stay there as long as it suits me. Anyone who tries to guilt trip me into selling it will be given short shrift.

ilovechristmas1 · 15/01/2015 17:54

my sons (elder teens) have always lived in this house,ive been here 23yrs

i like the thought of it as the family home,and they have been lucky that they have never had to move etc and they always have the security of that

i understand others are not so fortunate

Ultracrepidarian · 15/01/2015 17:59

No of we could have sold even for the value we'd bought it would have been better but we were looking at negative equity and hoped rental would give us time but sadly it did not happen.

I think this view point though comes from my parents generation, the 1950s created a generation that found cheaper housing and housing prices that were climbing and allowed ladder stepping. I was taught a house was an investment and would carry me through.

Not true, I just wish we had a more secure rental market or more housing stock for rental. I don't what the solution is.

HellKitty · 15/01/2015 18:06

I've taught myself to stop hanging onto things. I don't think (until this thread) about my childhood home from birth until I left at 19. My DCs have lived in 4 houses, this and the last one rented. You make a home a home by the people in it otherwise it's just a house.

Let the new families enjoy your old houses.

NancyJones · 15/01/2015 18:10

Squoosh, I think that was directed at council tenants age 60+ who are outrageously exempt from the bedroom tax and who often stay in 3 or 4 bedroom houses when families with young children are desperate for them.
I have no sympathy. They do not own the houses. They have been lucky enough to rent, often at subsidised rates, with little fear of eviction for the last 40 or 40yrs. Time to give it back and move to something smaller so another family can also benefit.
I am not renting myself do goodness knows how frustrating this must he for families on the waiting list.

Mrsjayy · 15/01/2015 18:17

Sorry way off topic but I think Dotage is the cutest word ever Grin