My daughter wants Botox for her birthday!

[CLJ52]

DD1 is 25 in a few weeks and has asked for Botox (or contribution towards it) for her birthday. It's £100 for the treatment although the price isn't relevant to the dilemma.

Since birth, she has had a habit of frowning. It's odd, because she is a very upbeat and positive person. She frowns when she reads, watches TV, drives - it seems to be a very entrenched habit. The result is that she has furrows between her brows which are getting deeper. Her father, uncles and my exMIL all have exactly the same (constantly frowning family!)

I'm not keen on cosmetic surgery anyway but try not to judge others. However, I'm horrified at the thought of injecting poison into your skin, especially for someone so young. She had it before and says it made a difference, but wears off after six months.

AIBU to say no?

It's a qualified doctor. Not sure if links are allowed www.dermalis.co.uk/

She knows it's not permanent but guess if it stops frowning it will stop the furrows getting deeper.

The price is standard, I pay around £100 per area.

Thing is you said your DD has had it before, and it doesn't sound like irrational vanity more that she has almost premature ageing.

She is young at 25 to be afflicted with deep lines on her face.

I'd give her the money, it seems sort of holier than thou not to.

If she's happy with the clinic, well informed and it makes her feel better about herself then yes, I would give her the money then. It's not a procedure I would personally undertake, but she is an adult and has to make her own choices. I see far too many cosmetic mistakes in my career to undertake anything (think dodgy permanent make up, wonky faces, duck lips, oozing fillers, paralysis, drooping eyes, reactions etc etc etc) BUT also seen the flip side of how happy and life changing a bit of confidence can be after procedures. I hope she has a nice birthday!

www.consultingroom.com/treatments/botox

Handy for info.

Botox will eventually erase even somewhat deep lines, but it may take a while (and repeated applications.) It needs to be done every three months or so.

I think Botox is harmless when done by someone qualified and it's most effective on those lines between the brows.

If she can afford to do it three times a year, then it's probably worth her doing it. She will feel better about herself.

A friend had Botox and it caused one side of her face to sag for several weeks. It really put me off.

If she's aware of the side effects and still wants to go ahead I'd give her the money, but I wouldn't do have Botox myself.

Getting Botox between the eyebrows won't make one side of your face sag.

25 does seem rather young to be starting with Botox but it seems she has a good reason if the furrow is noticeable and impacts on her confidence.

A good question to ask is whether she can afford to continue with the treatment every 3 months for the foreseeable future. If not then it seems a bit pointless and she will really notice the furrow when it reappears afterwards.

I think YABU in determining how she should spend her birthday money. If she wanted to spend it on a pair of GHDs for example I'm guessing you wouldn't have an issue.

YANBU in feeling uncomfortable about her having Botox.

Its very hard to get it wrong between the brows. Forehead, if done incorrectly can cause a brow drop, and crows feet done incorrectly can cause the drooping effect (only if done incorrectly usually by an inexperienced practitioner) but between the brows is pretty straightforward.

If you don't want "your" money going towards it then don't, I guess, but if she wants it she will save up the money eventually so you won't necessarily be able to stop it - she's 25, just give her birthday money and let her spend it on what she wants, I reckon.

I think when its your own child you gave birth to and knew them as a beautiful clean un-meddled with baby things like injectables, tattoos, piercings etc seem that much worse than what they actually are. Its temporary, it will wear off, and she sure as hell won't come to any harm from it. We all want our children to be happy and if this makes her feel happier then you can make that happen I guess!

I wouldn't do it - it's her face and her life but I wouldn't pay for it.

I'm 48 and have decided to live with my wrinkly old face--, partly as a sisterly stance

I would not like to encourage or condone my dds (I have three teens) seeing themselves as 'imperfect' or needing botox especially at such a young age.

I realise it's all grey areas and that me dyeing my hair, wearing spanx etc is just different shades of the same thing but we all have our cut off points I guess. Btw I don't judge anyone for having botox or surgery.

The main argument against it that I can see is that you are supposed to keep up with having it over and over again to keep the effect, so starting at 25 might lock her in for an extra grand's worth of treatments over her lifetime if she actually does that. But then you say that she has already had it done in the past, so that point has already passed?

I started getting Botox at 28. I'm a very conservative person, so I went to someone with an excellent reputation who is actually a surgeon. At this stage, I don't need to bother more than once a year, and when I'm pregnant I don't get it at all (obviously). It's quick, easy and I've never had any bad side effects from it. It also teaches the lack of value of cosmetic creams. I would never buy an expensive one so I tend to offset the cost of a luxury cream against the Botox - and I'm happier to have spent my money on something that works reliably.

It's one of those things where you can do as much or as little as you like and in ten years, she may choose never to get it again with no lasting side effects.

But until then, you're sorted for what to do for her birthday, OP. That's got a value if its own!!

£100 is very cheap, but that's because I live in w London, where everything is three times the price of everywhere else, having said that, I have used many (well known, admittedly) practitioners, all London based, and they have always charged over £225 for one area. If you can find a reputable doctor or aesthetically trained nurse that only charges £100 then go for it.

The 11s, as the often deep lines in between the eyes are known, can make someone look tired and angry, and no 25 year old, 45 year old or 65 year old wants to look like that.

Let her do what she wants, she will find the cash from somewhere else and if you're healthy, BOTOX does not affect your lymphatic system as some sensationalist poster commented up thread. I do wish people wouldn't post speculative nonsense that they know nothing about just because it's their 'opinion', its v irresponsible. The amount of botulism used is miniscule; the body is more than capable of dealing with it every quarter year without the immunity going into overdrive ffs, I've been having BOTOX for over ten years and I'm a picture of health, both externally and internally. The medical industry has been using BOTOX in one capacity or another for well over thirty years. And having BOTOX in the 11s won't make half the side of the face sag either, as another poster mentioned!

Incidentally the '11s' are the only part of the face that BOTOX is FDA registered to be used on. This doesn't mean that it's been proven that BOTOX is unsafe anywhere else on the face, but it does give assurance if you wish to have BOTOX administered in that particular area.

It sounds like a good idea to me. In her situation, and if I could afford it, I'd almost certainly do it too. However what you choose to give her for her birthday is entirely up to you. Although you know what it is she wants, so it would make sense to give it to her.

I personally wouldn't. I would want to say to my DD that I love her too much for who she is to help her change herself.

Clearly you can't stop her, but maybe...just maybe you could build her self esteem to the point where she doesn't feel the need to inject chemicals into her face?

"I personally wouldn't. I would want to say to my DD that I love her too much for who she is to help her change herself."

Icebeing would you object to her dying her hair blue? Or piercing her belly button?

I don't think it should be assumed that it's a self esteem issue.

Everyone wants to look their best. If she had a unibrow, would someone actually object to her waxing the middle? People have dumb ideas about Botox. Yes, it's often overdone in conjunction with fillers and face lifts. But most people who get it just get Botox and you can't tell. You can't tell that I have had it - unless I specifically try to scowl at you, you can't tell. I just look calm and rested, but my face is not expressionless or weird.

"I don't think we should assume it is a self-esteem problem"

Why else would some one feel the need to improve how they look desperately enough to inject a toxin into their body?

fab I don't object to anything. Adults may do to themselves as they please. I will always tell my daughter I love her just the way she comes.

Because I'd rather not look angry, stressed or haggard all the time. Seems perfectly reasonable to me!

"everyone wants to look their best"

While you may not feel confident enough to just look the way you do and feel the need to improve your appearance, please don't assume everyone else feels the same way.

Lots of people are happy to wear their body as it comes naturally.

Why would you rather not look haggard? Why should you care how you look?

I look tired today. I AM tired today. So what? People who I am friends with don't care what I look like and anyone who does isn't going to be my friend for long.

No self esteem issues! She would laugh at that. She is supremely confident and very popular. If I got into an argument I'd lose. (already lost the tattoos and blue hair arguments .. ) She's not particularly vain.

She has fully researched this and explained to me how it works. It will make it difficult to frown so the lines won't get any deeper. They won't go away completely. She tells me it's less toxic than some of the things I ingest or absorb. Her winning point - if she doesn't do it, she'll look like her gran by the time she's 30!

Her only concern is that her job involves working with young adults with learning difficulties, particularly autism. Facial expression is a hugely important for communication (she tells me, I've limited experience) and she wouldn't want to compromise that. This is why she wants to do it now when she's between jobs and she can judge how much. The last time she had it she was a student so frozen face didn't matter.

She's thought it through. It would be hypocritical of me to say it offends my feminist sensibilities because I do have my eyebrows threaded, and have spent a fortune on fixing crooked teeth. As a few posters have pointed out - her body, her life. She'll do it - the issue for me is do I contribute towards it. I think MNers have convinced me I should.

Thanks to everyone who has contributed to the thread - you have been very helpful.

I wouldn't give her the money for that, she's an adult, if she wants to spend her money on that, fine, but I wouldn't pay for it.

I have a friend whose mum paid for her cosmetic surgery (jaw, nose, other parts). Funnily enough, despite several rounds of surgery, she doesn't feel better about her appearance. I know Botox isn't surgery, but it is the same message; I think it's legitimate to be worried about your appearance to the point of injecting/cutting up things. I wouldn't say that to my dd really.

I think buying someone a nice outfit isn't quite in the same league as body alteration/modification.

She's also pretty young, my experience is you might as well get over ageing early on in life, you can't stem the tide of wrinkles and sagging by Botox/peels/surgery and if you do you will look weird (still thinking about my relative and her shiny shiny plastic face at a recent event, pretty sure that's a peel related thing).

People who say 'if it makes you feel better'- not convinced by this, it seems to me people who go down this road don't have better self-esteem/less trouble about their looks, they temporarily seem to feel better followed by more worrying about the next thing.

Of course, her spending her own money on it is different, and if she genuinely feels better then that's up to her- except she already feels bad without it, so is locked in already, aged 25, this seems to me quite sad.