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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross about DH's attitude to me working?

52 replies

greenframe · 14/01/2015 16:45

I have recently started working again after being a SAHM for several years.

I usually work school hours for 4 days per week.

DH cannot seem to get used to this and seems to think that a) he shouldn't have to do any of the chores and that things should run as they did before in the home and b) that I can just miss work for the day if he wants me to wait in for something to be delivered or if anything else just crops up.

He is currently in a bad mood as I am working 5 days this week. Today is usually my day off but I was asked to work. After I had agreed this with work DH sprung it upon me that he'd ordered a new PC that was arriving today and that I'd need to wait in. I said I couldn't as I'm working and he was quite put out about it. Of course, the courier tried to deliver it when I was at work, and I missed the delivery, and now DH is even more moody and has been trying to tell me that I will have to phone in sick to work tomorrow to wait in for it. I have said that I won't.

He used to get annoyed with me when I was a SAHM saying I was lazy, so he should be happy that I'm working now, but instead he seems irritated whenever my job has priority.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 14/01/2015 16:47

He sounds like a controlling prick to me. Of course you can't ring in sick.

ilovesooty · 14/01/2015 16:49

And what's wrong with him booking some time off for the delivery off his PC? You're his wife, not the hired help.

Aubrianna · 14/01/2015 16:49

Yanbu he is being ridiculous .

ilovesooty · 14/01/2015 16:49

Of not off. I'm feeling cross.

BathtimeFunkster · 14/01/2015 16:50

As above.

He is a dick and he thinks you exist for his convenience.

chocolateorsalad · 14/01/2015 16:50

YANBU. Your "D"H is being incredibly selfish and he doesn't have any respect for your new role in the relationship or your job.

I don't want to jump the gun because it may just be that he's a selfish idiot, but has it got anything to do with you now being financially independent? Is he controlling at all?

LadyLuck10 · 14/01/2015 16:51

Yanbu, why couldn't he stay at home to wait for delivery. His job shouldn't be more important than yours.

BoozeyTuesday · 14/01/2015 16:51

What a wanker!

MrsKoala · 14/01/2015 16:51

He sounds just lovely!

Yanbu. Tell him to cock off. Laugh in his face at his childish mood. Tell him he's making himself look a right berk. ignore him and carry on as you wish. tell him if this continues you will be re-assessing your feelings on the whole situation.

Middleagedmotheroftwo · 14/01/2015 16:52

You'll (plural) will either have to develop a good relationship with your neighbours, or do what the rest of us do and drive down to the courtier depot before or after work to collect your packages.

BarbarianMum · 14/01/2015 16:52

YANBU although to be fair it took dh a while to come to terms with how me returning to work would affect him and he was/is supportive of the idea. Just be very clear and don't end up doing everything.

PicaK · 14/01/2015 16:53

How recent? If you're a week in I'd give him hell but cut him some slack. If a few months then you really need to sit down and discuss. He is not nice for having called you lazy so you need to pick him up on that. Don't let it go - you really need to shake him up (mentally) to get him to readjust his thinking. And a thank you for all the times you were there for parcels wouldn't go amiss...

BarbarianMum · 14/01/2015 16:54

Sorry just seen your last paragraph - lazy!!! What a prick.

26Point2Miles · 14/01/2015 16:54

The men I read about on here! Honestly, is he like this over other things too?

Original poster
greenframe · 14/01/2015 16:56

I just feel as though I can't do right for doing wrong. Nothing I do is good enough. He picked at me when I didn't work and now that I do work he seems to get into bad moods about small things that I just can't fit in these days.

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 14/01/2015 16:57

Can he get it delivered to his work? (that's what my dh does and i am a sahm).

That doesn't address his terrible attitude tho.

This is one of the reasons i wont/can't go to work. My DH wouldn't be willing/able to do any of the house things i do, or any drop offs/pick ups/childcare of sick dc. So i would have to still do it all on top of working. So fuck that.

DollyMcDolly · 14/01/2015 16:58

Tell him to fuck off. I wouldn't stand for this. If he ordered it, he takes he day off!

paperlace · 14/01/2015 16:59

Giving him the benefit of the doubt (which is hard, but I am a wondrously kind person Wink) maybe he needs to adjust to this new way of life and wrap his head around it since you've not worked for many years.

But I think you need to ram it home to him quick smart: 'We both work now, we both do equal chores now, we both split any absolutely necessary time off, if you want a computer - go and get it after work or stay at home yourself'.

If he's still dickish about it then you've got yourself a big problem.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 14/01/2015 17:00

Wow - what a twat.

His computer delivery - his problem.

molyholy · 14/01/2015 17:01

What a patronising bellend!

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 14/01/2015 17:01

He sounds like a pillock.

I hope you have pointed out to him that he used to call you names when you were a sahm so now you are working, he should be happy. He can't have it both ways.

Something needs to change, you know that, right?

Bowlersarm · 14/01/2015 17:02

Don't stand for it. He's being a controlling wanker. It sounds like you can't do anything right-pull him up on it.

zzzzz · 14/01/2015 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jackieharris · 14/01/2015 17:06

Your dp is a .

Has he actually got any redeeming features?

26Point2Miles · 14/01/2015 17:07

I hope you tell him it's his home/kids too and he needs to do as much as you?