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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I shouldn't have to justify working part time just because I don't yet have children

133 replies

fecklesswonder · 14/01/2015 12:53

I worked hard in London in my 20s, lived like a student even after getting a decent job.

So come 30 I moved out of the city to a small house that I could afford outright. Seeing as prices are crazy for the next jump up I'm staying put.

As i own outright I want to go down to two days a week, money will be tight but I would be rich in time so its all worthwhile.

Everyone seems to judge me on this.

For work to agree with it I will have to make somthing emotive up.

It doesn't affect anyone else, but everyone always say "what will you do?". Ffs I will do nice things, I'm not some office drone without any hobbies / interests!

OP posts:
ezridelmastro · 14/01/2015 13:23

And I think it sounds like a great idea OP, go for it!

angelos02 · 14/01/2015 13:24

Oh I see. I misread it.

OnlyLovers · 14/01/2015 13:27

Oh, ignore them or tell them to fuck off.

Enjoy your life the way you want to.

juneau · 14/01/2015 13:28

I would tell my employers that due to personal reasons I want to work x days per week. However, they have a right to say no if that doesn't suit them. Is your job one that could be shared? I'm sure there is another person out with who'd like a PT job, if so.

As to your family - let your choices and justifying them be good practice for every other decision you'll make! IME everything you do in life, having kids or not, working or not, FT or PT, etc, will invite the scrutiny of others. Whether you let this bother you or not is up to you, but ultimately its your life, not theirs, to live as you wish and they don't have to live with your choices or income, so its not really their business.

Fabulous46 · 14/01/2015 13:29

You shouldn't need to justify you choices or decisions to anyone. I've just handed my notice in at work as I now choose not to work because I can. I'd rather mess around with my horses than work in a super stressful job. It's none of anyone else's business OP if you choose to work part time.

ilovesooty · 14/01/2015 13:30

You don't even have to give a reason in your request. You just have to make a good business case.

JohnCusacksWife · 14/01/2015 13:30

Go for it! I work 2.5 days a week and love it. I could never work full time again. I reduced my hours when I had my children and now that they are a bit older (10 & 8) some people have asked when I'll be going back full time. "Never" is my answer to that (hopefully!). I'm the main breadwinner in our house so we don't have pots of money but we do have time and we love it. Wouldn't swap it for the world.

However I wouldn't lie to your employer to try to secure PT...that's dishonest and asking for trouble if you get found out. Just be honest.

juneau · 14/01/2015 13:30

P.S. The only thing I would say OP is that its good to have some savings. If only working two days per week will keep you on a very low income you might want to consider working three days and stashing away the extra. Rainy days do come around, people are laid off, you need to save for your retirement, etc. Don't leave yourself so short (when you're in a good position to earn good money), to the detriment of your future.

ZenNudist · 14/01/2015 13:31

As an employer I wouldn't necessarily want pt staff but I would want mature women who have the benefit of experience and a stable home life and a financial dependency on work. Therefore I see the benefit to a business of taking on a pt role. It's a compromise to avoid losing otherwise valuable staff to cRing responsibilities. (I work pt btw but only after having dc).

So if your company needs a pt person then that's fine. If you're expecting them to create a pt role just because you CBA then YWBU. Also YWBU to lie as to your reasons for the request. Fine to expect everyone else to butt out . It's between you and your employer.

DurhamDurham · 14/01/2015 13:31

I think its brilliant you can do this, if anyone judges you I would put it down to jealousy.
I work full time as does my husband and oldest daughter who stills live at home. My youngest daughter is at sixth form and has a weekend job.

I would love to work part time but the trouble is although we all work we don't earn 'great' wages.

If i was in your position I would do exactly the same as you.

thecatneuterer · 14/01/2015 13:33

I went part time in my mid thirties (before finally giving up work for good in my mid forties), despite being single and childfree - basically because I could afford to and I found that work got in the way of my life a bit. And I particularly hated getting up in the morning.

I was a wonderful decision for me. I had time to pursue my hobby (dance), have an amazing social life, get involved in a charity that meant a lot to me, and have time to sleep and relax.

If there was a negative reaction to it then I really just didn't notice. Some people claimed to be envious, but that was about it. I was lucky to have an interesting and well-paid part time job, and i'm very, very glad I did it. Most things in life (unless you have a particularly fulfilling job) are more rewarding and pleasant than work. And you only live once. So if you can manage to not work full time I can't imagine why anyone would choose to.

googoodolly · 14/01/2015 13:42

I don't see an issue with it so long as you can save for the future. Whereas you might be happy to live on two days wages a week now, what about a pension and savings for when you get older? Could you support yourself (council tax, utilities, etc.) for a while if you got laid off or got sick and ended up on SSP for a while?

cabbageandgravy · 14/01/2015 13:43

Totally go for it, life is too short, etc! And it is often unpaid work eg involvement with community, growing/making instead of buying that is of more benefit to the rest of us. Plus someone else might really benefit from those other 3 days paid work.

I only wish more men (dads & otherwise) felt comfortable doing this too, and, and more politicians and employers understood this makes more sense than the frantic worship of growth at any cost!

MaryWestmacott · 14/01/2015 13:44

I think it's perfectly fine if that's what you want to do with your life. However, I would worry that a) you might get bored/lonely - particularly if you don't have DCs as most of the people in our town available in the day either have pre-schoolers doing pre-school child focussed things or pensioners, you might find it a little lonely, and b) you might scupper your career for the future.

If I knew you, I might find it sad that dispite earning a high wage, you've missed out lots of experiences in your 20s to save, and now are chosing to reduce your hours so that although you'll have lots of extra time, you still won't have the spare cash to say, decide you'll try snowboarding this year, or spend a couple of weeks visit buddist temples, or decide to take up something like photography and just pay out for equipment and courses without it being a struggle, or decide to landscape your garden without worrying about how to fund it. Having extra time is great, but not if it means you're going to struggle financially if something like the boiler breaks. I would worry that being careful with money has become a habit that you are now putting yourself in a situation where you do have to be careful without having time to enjoy having funds to do silly fun things, but for no good reason other than having time to potter.

Up to now, it's been your choice not to spend any money. Do this, and it'll stop being a choice, that might be a harder shift when something goes wrong.

Is there any reason to go down to 2 days so it's finanically tight, not say, 3 days so you can have some wriggle room (or 4 days so you could be relatively wealthy)? 2 days and things being 'tight' does seem an odd choice unless it's something like there's a job share going at work and they only need 2 days...

EustaciaBenson · 14/01/2015 13:49

I understand where you are coming from OP. I have only worked 20-30 hours a week for the last 5 years, we've been trying to start a family and so no one commented on my hours because they would have been perfect for when we had a family, although personally I was planning to stop working for a few years. But now I definitely cant have children the pressure is on from my parents and inlaws to find full time work and higher paid work. I have health problems I barely manage to do this job as it is a higher paid more stressful job is not in my best interests but I just get called lazy. I'd actually like to give up work completely, my DH wants me to give up work completely, I'd have a better life and he wouldn't have to pick up as much of the slack in terms of housework etc because I would have the energy to do it all. But I can imagine the uproar if I did do it, the "stress and worry" would "make my mother sick" etc and I just cant face it. But she gave up work before getting pregnant so the irony is very irritating. If you are in a position to do it then do it, why not?

CompetitiveCrispEater · 14/01/2015 13:49

I only do two days a week and I love it! I'm childfree and often get 'oh right, are you a student?' (Nope, graduated almost a decade ago), or just 'but...what do you do ' I usually answer with 'whatever I want/nothing!'
Cheap mortgage means I don't have to work full time, so why the hell would I?!

Verbena37 · 14/01/2015 13:49

If those jealous people won the lottery, they wouldn't work at all so just ignore them. If you will improve your emotional wellbeing and can manage financially, then why on earth shouldn't you?

ClockwiseCat · 14/01/2015 13:51

It's a great idea and more people should do it, both men and women. We would have a much happier society.

Just do make some kind of provision for your pension and if you want to buy any more property (e.g. as a buy to let) get it organised before you lose your FT paycheques bitter voice of experience

skyeskyeskye · 14/01/2015 13:51

You can ask your employer but they dont have to agree if it is a full time person that they require. You could ask to job share possibly. or look for another job.

I think that 2 days isn't very much and as others have said, maybe you could do 4 or 3, to save some money for the future, or to be able to afford to do things in your spare time.

But it is not up to others to judge how many hours you work. As long as you are paying your way then that is fine.

BreeVDKamp · 14/01/2015 13:58

Do it! I only work 12 hours a week (not through choice) and am coming to realise I am very lucky to have so much time to do fun things with :) DH doesn't mind and i love being in charge of my own time :)

BreeVDKamp · 14/01/2015 14:00

Sorry, I realsied 'doing it' or not was not the question.

I haven't experienced any judgement, or if I have I havent noticed it because I'm too busy enjoying my life haha :) you need to live your life the way you want to, so just ignore the haters!

MaryWestmacott · 14/01/2015 14:01

Just a thought on those in your family who are questioning your drop to 2 days - have any of those in their life, either now or when younger, faced a situation where they were financially struggling or just getting by? It might be they are shocked you are chosing to put yourself in that position, if they had the fear in winter of the bigger gas bill, the dread of a car that was needed for work suddenly needing expensive repairs, or a boiler playing up when they were just about coping, I can see easily why they would balk at you chosing to put yourself in that position not because you are doing something like studying to give you longer term security, but to make yourself 'poor' in order to have lots of spare time could be very hard to understand for someone who's lived it.

Siarie · 14/01/2015 14:02

Oh I got this all the time, I moved locations for my DH work and we decided that since we wanted to start a family in a year or so there wasn't much point me working.

I would continue to do his business admin (which i did when I was in FT work anyway) but that 95% of my time was my own.

Everyone would ask what I do? Don't I get bored? Aren't you too young to not work? I loved it and my DH loved all the extra time I had to do all the boring bits you have to cram into a weekend. I'm now pregnant and expecting this year which has stopped lots of the comments. Apparently it's acceptable to be off work if you are gestating or going to be providing childcare.

If working part time makes you happy and works for you then it doesn't matter what people say.

Sometimes the right thing is to make a life style choice rather than just following the crowd. Sure you could earn more money but why? You don't need it, you don't want it and you know what? Time is the only thing you can't get back.

pollyisntere · 14/01/2015 20:24

2 days a week isn't much at all.won't you get bored of living on the breadline?

SocialMediaAddict · 14/01/2015 21:14

Working 2 days isn't necessarily the breadline for OP. She's mortgage free so not paying rent/mortgage makes a huge difference to part time salary. Plus she doesn't live in London!