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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH away too close to due date?

54 replies

ZadokTheBeast · 13/01/2015 20:06

DH came home this evening and announced he's booked to attend a trade fair type thing 70 miles away, for 3 days/nights, finishing 10 days before my due date. We have a 3 year old and I have no family, friends, neighbours or other support nearby. I'm not happy about this. He's suggesting some variations/solutions so he can attend e.g., he'll go in the daytime only (not practical, at least 2 hours away in central London so a. getting there and back will be difficult anyway and b. he wouldn't be able to get back in a hurry. Another suggestion was that I go with him and amuse myself in London (I think he understands why this is not practical or sensible) or that my mother comes down to stay. Now, mum could take care of our 3 year old in an emergency but to me that's not really the point. I don't want my mother here, I want my husband and I just don't think he should be that far away on a non-essential work thing so close to my due date. How would you be about this? AIBU? I can't stress enough, we don't know ANYONE here who could help if anything started while DH was away.

OP posts:

WooWooOwl · 13/01/2015 20:09

Ten days before the due date for a work thing roughly 2 hours away? I can't see the problem.

YABU. Especially as having your mum with you is an option.

SweepTheHalls · 13/01/2015 20:11

Was your first child early?

Tealady1983 · 13/01/2015 20:11

Yep yabu sorry op.

NeedABumChange · 13/01/2015 20:11

YABU. It's two hours away.

ilovesooty · 13/01/2015 20:12

Seems perfectly reasonable to me. It's not as if he's going abroad.

bigbluestars · 13/01/2015 20:13

Sorry- but that is a typical work day for my OH. Two hours away is not the end of the world. You have your mother to take care of your 3 yo if need be, and the hospital will look after you for the two hours it takes for your OH to rush to your bedside.

I can't see the problem.

Serafinaaa · 13/01/2015 20:13

My partner works 3-4 hours away during the week permanently. I'm 36 weeks pregnant but figuring that I will just call him if anything seems to be starting and then have a few hours to have a bath, chill out... It's my first though so I may be naive about this!

IHeartChristmasMoomies · 13/01/2015 20:13

YABU unless you had a very short labour and went early with your first.

BeeRayKay · 13/01/2015 20:14

Same as the others here I'm afraid. I think you are being a bit u. well very tbh.

FightOrFlight · 13/01/2015 20:14

Life doesn't stand still because it's 10 days before your due date.

He's made a couple of reasonably suggestions so YABU in my humble opinion.

You might not know anyone local but everyone knows how to call an ambulance. Unless your first child shot out in a matter of minutes once you felt the initial contractions then he will have plenty of time to get to the hospital.

FightOrFlight · 13/01/2015 20:15

reasonable

BolshierAyraStark · 13/01/2015 20:16

Don't see the issue, it's 2 hours-YABU.

LizzieMint · 13/01/2015 20:18

Sorry, sounds ok to me too, my DH worked further away than that and was away 3 nights every week when I was pg. As I have fast labours, I would have just called straight away as soon as something started happening without waiting to go into actual labour. As long as he makes sure he'll be contactable and is prepared to dash out and drive home, it should be fine.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/01/2015 20:19

Yabu.
It's his job, he's only two hours away, many people work that far away on a daily basis. Life can't stop for a month just in case.

bexster5 · 13/01/2015 20:20

For me it probably wouldn't be a problem as I run late with my babies and that runs in my family. So I guess that's important to know here - how early / late were you with no 1 and how early / late was your mum with her baby (ies)?

Also wondering on work situ for your DH - What will the consequences be of him not going?

I'm slightly inclined to say though, regardless of your answers to those qs that YANBU - you are pregnant and him going away is stress inducing and stress should be avoided during pregnancy.

Another thought is that towards end of 2nd preg when I had a boisterous toddler I was so shattered I felt I could hardly cope. I think even just for that reason I would have taken a pretty dim view of DH going away at that point...

HedgehogsDontBite · 13/01/2015 20:20

I think YANBU. My DH works that distance from home and he missed the birth of DS as a result.

littleleftie · 13/01/2015 20:21

So he will only be two hours away in an emergency? So long as he doesn't have form for "disappearing" I think YABU.

Purplepoodle · 13/01/2015 20:21

He's only two hours away. My Dh was working anything up to 4 hours away until the day I gave birth.

Original poster

ZadokTheBeast · 13/01/2015 20:21

Hmmm, okay. can I just add I don't actually WANT my mother here (we don't get on). First wasn't unusually fast, so guess chances are I'd get plenty warning - I suppose I just don't see what on earth I would do if it started while I was alone with 3 year old, esp when his attendance at this thing is not essential.

OP posts:

LaurieMarlow · 13/01/2015 20:23

Gosh, 2hrs is nothing, YAB very U. My DH was in South America on a work trip 2.5 weeks before my due date and my family are all in Ireland. We put a contingency plan in place which thankfully we didn't need.

wobblyweebles · 13/01/2015 20:24

I remember being equally irrational when I was pregnant with my second.

DelphiniumBlue · 13/01/2015 20:25

It depends. Lots of people work a 2 hour commute away from home, and labour is more usually a lot more than 2 hours long, so chances are he would make it in plenty of time.

On the other hand, there are plenty of women who give birth in under 2 hours from start to finish ( including me). I never made it past 37 weeks, either.

How long was your first labour, and were you on time?

I've noticed that these things tend to run in families - if your Mum/aunts/grandmother gave birth quickly, then there's a good chance that you will too. But if your first baby was a long labour, then chances are second one will be also ( though probably a little quicker). You'd probably labour at home for the first few hours anyway, so I'm sure you'd cope if your Mum was there to help with your 3 year old.

How important is it that he goes on this trip? Is it something he could do another time? If it's t vital that he attends AND your last baby was on time/late AND you had a longish labour then I'd let him go . But if the answer is no to any of these questions then I think he is being very unreasonable.

littleleftie · 13/01/2015 20:25

Sorry I don't understand, does DH normally work from home?

Isn't it quite normal that you could go into labour without anyone else around?

Did you want him to stay with you 24/7 for weeks beforehand? Women whose partners are drivers, for example, have this issue to deal with all the time, you cannot expect everything to stop for weeks beforehand because your partner has to be on the spot when you go into labour.

Original poster

ZadokTheBeast · 13/01/2015 20:26

Also he was away abroad until a week before my due date last time - and that didn't bother me, because there was no other child to think about and even if there had been, we were living 'at home' where we did have spport if I had needed it. So I'm hopefully not jus beeing unnecessarily needy!!

OP posts:

evenherfartsarefragrant1 · 13/01/2015 20:27

To me (2 dd at 38.0 weeks and short labours) yanbu if you want your husband there.
But, 10 days should be alright for most and if he has to pack up and leave it's not so far.

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