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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this a harsh thing to do with a toddler? Did I do the wrong thing?

64 replies

dottytablecloth · 13/01/2015 13:42

Can't work out if this will be good in the long run or if I might cause my ds unnecessary distress.

I have an almost 2 year old and an almost 5 week old. Baby is obviously up through the night for feeding and is very unsettled from around 7 each night so come the morning, I'm tired!

Toddler wakes very early between 5.00 and 6.30; if it's 6.30 I really feel like I've had a lie in.

Anyway the 5.00am starts are tough when I've been up several times with the baby and to be honest I don't enjoy the days with my toddler as I'm totally exhausted.

This morning he woke at 5.00 and I was just too tired to get up. Normally we get up and have a bottle and play etc. I just couldn't face it this morning. We've tried bringing him into our bed but he hates this.

I decided I was going to let him cry for a little while this morning, just needed another 15/20 mins before I could face getting up. I heard him crying in the background but I must've fallen into a deep sleep and I didn't waken until 8.15!

I went straight over to ds room, he was sitting up, looked a little tearful but not awful. I explained (not that he has a clue what I meant) that he woke up too early and it's time to get up now not earlier.

We normally get up as soon as we hear him so he will definitely wonder what's going on.

Is it a bit harsh to think I might let him cry for a while in the morning until it's a reasonable time to get up? He's not a tiny baby now, so he should possibly be learning to stay in bed for a while in the morning?

Am I being hard hearted?

If I do this I will set for alarm for 6.45 and then get up rather than make him wait so long as he did today.

OP posts:
weeblueberry · 13/01/2015 14:38

I'm another who thinks you genuinely wouldn't have slept through 3 hours of crying unless you live in a giant mansion and he's off in the West Wing. He's more than likely realised there's nothing to be up for and has gone back to sleep.

Do NOT beat yourself up about it. There will be bigger battles.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 13/01/2015 14:40

Tbh no it's not something I would do ...
At 2 they are still probably in nappies and communication verbally is limited.

I would go in, check him , explain it's still sleep time and leave again.

MrsTawdry · 13/01/2015 14:41

Blessed that's impossible when you're asleep through exhaustion though. Sometimes the body takes over for good reason. Even Mothers need some sleep.

Kittymum03 · 13/01/2015 14:44

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bringonthetrumpets · 13/01/2015 14:44

OP, it happens! Please don't beat yourself up over it and for future non-mother-bashing advice, don't come to Mumsnet. You'll get flamed (as we can see from above!). Follow your instincts and know that you're doing a great job taking care of two kiddos on your own during the day.

Kittymum03 · 13/01/2015 14:46

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kalidasa · 13/01/2015 14:46

Yet another saying definitely try the Gro Clock, he may not be too young. DS is only 25 months and we started with it at 18 months. He has totally "got it" for several months now. DH does the early mornings but says that DS definitely sits there watching it and waiting until it changes before shouting for him! He does still quite often wake at 5ish but DH just points to the star on the clock and he settles himself down again.

I am about to have DS2 (very about - possibly very early labour!) so we'll be in the same toddler + newborn boat soon.

Jodie1982 · 13/01/2015 14:51

Does he at least have a water bottle in his bed? He might b thirsty.

My 2yr old DD has a drink in her bed, so if she wakes early I hear her having a drink, and she goes back to sleep. I think as long as he's not uncomfortable it'll b fine to leave him a bit. I also change my DD before I go to bed so her nappy is a lot less wet in the mornings.

Purplepoodle · 13/01/2015 15:11

I always give mine 5 mins before going in to see if they go back over. I say he probably dozed back off to sleep and you woke at 8 because he had woken up and started crying again. If he had been hysterical your mummy instincts would have woken you no matter how deep sleep you were in.

Same thing has happen to me a couple of times when had a new baby in the house.

DixieNormas · 13/01/2015 15:14

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toffeecrispandacupoftea · 13/01/2015 15:57

Don't worry about it!

You would have known if something was wrong. I'm sure your DC just went back to sleep. In any case, one lie in will not scar your baby for life!!

My DD is 20mnths. We always put a few safe toys in her bed so if she wakes up before 7am she has something to do and we often here her chatting or making teddy a cup of tea!

If she is upset/unwell we go in earlier but otherwise we let her play by herself for a bit while we get up/make breakfast/put washing in or whatever.

Hurr1cane · 13/01/2015 16:03

It's not something I would do, and exhaustion doesn't just 'kick in' trust me, 5 years now of 1-2 hours sleep a day max due to watching DS all night because of health problems and disabilities. So it's completely possible to go in and tell him it's still night and give him a drink.

That said. I very much doubt he was crying the whole time. He probably drifted off and woke up and remembered he was supposed to be upset so started crying again.

Do the going in thing and telling him it's night and changing his bum so he doesn't think he's been abandoned then go back to bed and start the clock thing Smile

He won't be scarred for life

Theveryhungrycaterpillar123 · 13/01/2015 16:08

I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old and we use a Gro clock, he really gets the sun coming up in the mornings. It's not 100% but it's bloody good. Try it, honestly.

LittleMissRayofHope · 13/01/2015 16:09

Haven't read the whole thread but two words: Gro Clock.

Just gave dd (2.5) one and she loves it. Aside from the gimmick and newness she understands it and although it hasn't been immediate she is starting to understand that I don't come in til the sun shows.
I also have a 17wk old so I understand as he still wakes umpteen times a night and dd is attempting to chuck in her daytime nap which scares me to my very core as it is my only respite all day

Fundamental changes to your Ds's routine right now will be tough as he will associate them with new baby but that won't scar him. Just be tough for a while.

ZenNudist · 13/01/2015 16:14

I think he probably either played with something or had a little doze. Would do him good to get more sleep. What's his daytime sleep like if he's such an early riser?

Def start training him to get up later. I don't think 12h in a nappy if wee only is unreasonable. Ds1 has always done 12-13h in a nappy as he sleeps through!

Also at 2 we would put toys near ds1 cot and he'd wake up and play with these happily before waking us. He would often sleep late and then play which lets us a lie in til 830 or 9 sometimes!

I appreciate some people/children are just early risers, but I think the fact that at 5am summer or winter if act the same as if I was woken at 3am. It's nighttime and they need sleep.

Altinkum · 13/01/2015 16:17

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BolshierAyraStark · 13/01/2015 16:21

Yep, time to start with the Gro Clock-they are brilliant & 2 is a good age to use it, you'll be amazed at how quick he understands it.

Andcake · 13/01/2015 16:24

Surely if he was upset you would have heard him - I kind of bet he went back to sleep! My ds 2.3 often stirs calls for me at 5.30-6 ish but I usually wait and see if it will stop before going in and saying its morning. For example this morning he did it at 5.45 and clearly went back to sleep as I had to wake him at 7.30 to get him up for nursery. It was a few moments of calling then chatting but then all was quite. his room is very dark. It's my version of the French pause where before I go into him I listen for a moment to see if he settles again.

MissHJ · 13/01/2015 16:26

Sorry I could not leave my son for 3 hours awake in his cot either. I get that you was tired and as a one off its fine. I just think it is harsh. It's difficult but I think there are other ways to try and sort out their sleeping rather than leaving them to cry and get into a state. Imagine if from his PoV. One minute someone is there when he wakes up and then he is left alone for 20-30 mins each morning. Not exactly something I would do with my toddler.

toffeecrispandacupoftea · 13/01/2015 16:30

I agree you need sleep too. You would have known if something was wrong.

Please don't feel bad, you haven't done anything wrong.

The best think for both your little ones is having a happy healthy mummy.

One lie in is no big deal. Sometimes exhaustion does kick in, it is how you cope and recover when you really need to.

Both your children were safe and if they had needed you, you would have heard them.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 13/01/2015 16:41

I see no issue with setting a getting up time and sticking to it. There will always be mornings where for some random reason they wake up and are properly upset and you will need to go to them, but I see no reason to get up at 5am to start the day with a toddler unless they are also regularly in bed asleep at 6pm.

I set an alarm for DD2 as she is often awake early and will simply mooch in her cot, play with a few toys and look bored [video monitor]. She won't utter a peep though so it's entirely possible to have her awake in there for a couple of hours. So I set my alarm to have a look at the video monitor and check on her. I don't want her in there for hours as eventually she will twig that getting noisy is the answer and then will shout her head off every time she wakes. Much better to get up at a time acceptable to everyone.

Don't beat yourself up. The 5 week mark is a killer. I'll bet you anything that your DS has had extra sleep and been in top form today?

PrimroseEverdeen · 13/01/2015 19:05

I'm surprised at some of the responses on here. Of course it's not harsh. He's 2. If he was unhappy he would have made it known. You wouldn't sleep through 3 hours of crying. He probably grumbled for a few minutes and then went back to sleep! Hope you enjoyed your lie in and that you get a good night tonight.

MrsTawdry · 13/01/2015 19:33

Primsose I agree. It's not the same as a tiny baby.

Pickle131 · 13/01/2015 20:07

Agree he would have nodded back off and would have benefitted from the extra rest - mine does the same if he wakes early. No way would I go in at 5am unless he was ill.

trufflesnout · 13/01/2015 20:40

I think it's fine too, not harsh at all. I'm also betting that your DS had a nice snoozy early morning.