To consider spending £400 on a sleep consultant?

[Feelingverysleepy]

I am just beyond exhausted. I've not had a single full nights sleep (or even more than 3-4hrs continual) in 3+ yrs. 3yo wakes for a variety of reasons most nights and 10month old has never slept through (although I no longer feed at night). DH has a friend who's raving about miracles of the sleep cons they hired..... I am so tempted, even if it means no holiday this year (if I could sleep, that would be a good enough break!!).
Has it worked for you? Or would IBU to spend the cash on something I could / should prob be able to sort out myself?

I did, and would spend it again in a heartbeat.

DS1 had diagnosed full on night terrors multiple times per night which the NHS and even a private paediatrician had decided were untreatable.

Our sleep consultant - we used MillPond - had it cracked within a month. I'd recommend them to anyone. We didn't have to be shadowed either, it was all by phone.

OP - I haven't had to resort back to my bad habits because DS's sleep is now fine so I've had no reason to 'give in' and go back to my old ways just to get some sleep

The problems I had with DS were:

Couldn't self settle.
He'd only feed to sleep.
Didn't nap in the day unless I was feeding him and then he only slept in my arms.
He screamed the place down if he was ever in his cot.
He would wake constantly through the night and only go back to sleep if I fed him. Sometimes he'd be awake for over two hours.
We were co-sleeping most nights because I was desperate for sleep.

When he was 8 months old I decided I couldn't cope with it anymore and contacted Nicola.

cinabar - that's brilliant! I bet you were so relieved I'm considering sending my Sleep Specialist a thank you card

Writer - that sounds just like my first at that age! What did you do differently? Im wondering what I could have done /would advise my kids if they have kids.

I was fully into the bf/cosleeping/sling type parenting at the time and it seems others with sleep problems are... or is it the sleep problem that leads to the cosleeping??

I'm just curious as to what a sleep specialist actually does - I think someone needs to know before they part with 400!!

I followed the advice not to train until a year (although I lost so much of that year due to sleeplessness looking back) and then did a form of nightweaning of the breast which helped.

For my £75 I got the following service:

After I contacted her she emailed me a very in depth questionnaire about our family and DS. It enquired as to his personality and temperament, his daytime and nighttime routines, his meal times and daily activities and what kind if parents DH and I were. It then focused on the problems I had with DS and what we had already tried in order to address them.

After emailing it back to her we arranged a date and time for the phone consultation which happens after she had formulated a plan based on my questionnaire answers.

Our phone call took place 3 days later and was almost 2.5 hours long. She completely altered DS feeding times (solids and breast) and set out a nighttime sleep/nap schedule for he to follow. She completely changed my bedtime routine and gave me very specific steps as to what to do during this routine to really encourage sleep cues.

She then discussed the physiology of sleep cycles and hormones with me and how they are being affected as a result of DS's poor daytime and nighttime sleep.

She then went through the six different methods of sleep training and how appropriate they may be in my situation and then we chose one together that I thought would work best. She then went into much deeper detail about the chosen method and made it very specific to DS, setting out very clear guidelines on what to do when he wakes up and when to intervene etc.

She was so knowledgable and reassuring.

The problem me and DH had was that we were trying lots of techniques but with no real guidance we were like rabbits in the headlights - we were just winging it really and probably just making things worse. Our poor DS probably didn't have a clue what was going on as we were changing our techniques constantly to try and address his sleep and it was only after speaking to Nicola that I realised just how chaotic our techniques had been.

The thing that made her invaluable to us was that she gave us very clear direction so we knew that we were doing was right. Prior to that me and DH were clueless, we had vague ideas about sleep training but we were always doubting what we were doing as we didn't have any knowledge on the subject.

She was just brilliant and having such clear guidance that was specific to DS (as opposed to some genetic advice in a book) made her advice very easy to adhere to which is what led to such rapid results.

My last paragraph is supposed to say generic advice in a book, not genetic, lol

"Poppy - wwhat did your sleep consultant actually DO that is any different rom what was online? (Or anyone for that matter thats used one!) Can't we have a thread where the experiences are shared to save others shelling out?"

Her method is different and very holistic, I found. Some of things she suggested for DS felt almost counterintuitive and wouldn't
have occurred to me (DS was waking up every 20m to 25ms, every single night).

She provided an amazing consultancy service that was professional, personalised and loads of hours of input/information/tweaking/support.

Frankly I think that the work she does has concrete value and therefore should be respected as her way of making a living, but anyway probably no point in dissecting her method as it's tailored to each child (I know this because of all the other MN'tters from our thread who also used her).

Anyway, now back at computer so here's the link to the Sleep thread on MN

I also used a sleep consultant when my ds started waking in the night again. I'd read pretty much everything going on what the issues might be - the problem is choosing which method to go with to fix it because you need to be 100% behind it in order to see it through. That was why we called the sleep consultant.

We had just one phone call, I explained the problem, she suggested approach, it was fixed in 3 days.

The approach she suggested was the one we had already been doing (gradual retreat) but having someone agree it was the right path gave us the confidence needed to crack it. It's bloody difficult if your baby is taking an hour or more to settle to trust that what you're doing is right.

I really am so grateful to her. She was Sian from Sleep Babies.

My oldest was a dream, easy would rest as a toddler if he was tired. Very laid back child, at 7yrs old still is. Ironically he was diagnosed with ASD at 3 yrs old.

Youngest, ha! Sleep was for the weak. My husband works away, and I was on my knees. Tried gradual retreat, in the end put a mattress on the floor But it didn't work. He still woke every 1.5 hrs. Tried CC but he still woke multiple times. I went to my GP and he prescribed phenergan. It didn't work either. He was 3 yrs old

Long story short, I was falling apart. I went to M&S bought 2 weeks of kids and adult ready meals. Went swimming every day for two weeks (really!!!) He would always fall asleep and I let him sleep for 1.5 hours then woke him up. In the afternoon I would walk to the park and then to the shops. On day 3 he was so tired he fell asleep eating dinner. I did nothing but swim, park and reheat meal for two weeks.

He is now 5 years old who cannot stay up past 7pm! Asks to go to bed. Has periods of waking but can be settled fairly easily.

Dunno if that's any help or use, I feel for you, non sleeping kids is the pits.

On the how do you get it to work so quickly etc, I don't really know as I'm only at the start of it but I can tell you where we're at. I have (hopefully won't be present tense for much longer!) a baby exactly like writerwannabe. We've haphazardly tried things but I've been way too tired to do anything other than get the most sleep we both can, which has been co-sleeping and endless night feeds for me. A NEw Year holiday with my family gave me a bit if time to rest, recuperate and after a terrible night on Saturday I realised a) we needed to fix things and b) I'm feeling just a little bit stronger and less tired so able to do it now. I need to lead it as we need to break his association of mummy=boob=sleep so I clouldmt just hand the job to DH. He had shown signs of settling better with DH but would only settle on boob for me so I have to lead sleep training so he can learn mummy's presence=comfort=self settling=sleep

My link above has ideas then my post with the plan I came up with from reading what everyone said and working out what then might be applicable to DS. TBH the ideas on that thread were the first time an approach had really resonated with me, so it was easy to see how it would work with my baby in our circumstances. EG I liked the idea of enforcing the "your bed is the cot" rule but I knew I could not do that through night weaning given my baby's feeding/weight gain etc so came up with a night feed plan alongside the sleep bit.

He cried the first night but I'd got to the stage where No Cry stuff was not helping and he only cried while we were there continuously reassuring him physically and verbally - we never left him alone and stayed until he was asleep. And I could tell it was largely annoyance that I wasn't giving him the boob rather than upset per se. 2 days in we've had a long stretch at night! I don't expect plain sailing and expect the next month to be up and down, but the amazing thing for me is that he is now in his cot and I'm in my proper bed and this is a huge huge change within 48 hours. It's enough to keep me going with this approach.

A sleep consultant can tailor things for you which can help if you haven't quite found an idea that resonates for you. Because the ideas on my thread made sense to me, I was able to be my own sleep consultant I guess. And DH does the pep talk, handholding, support bit that a consultant does.

my SIL did it when her dds were about 3 and 1. It was life changing, after a month both slept through and have continued to be good sleepers, and the younger one went from not going down to sleep for anyone except mum and then with hassle, to put down, kiss goodnight and leave.

Most of what she did was actually stuff written about on here and elsewhere, but I think having a person who looked at YOUR situation, found a tailor made plan and then supported you through the plan for weeks afterwards was the key

It was a few years ago, but was about £270 for first child plus more for 2 children

As not one single person has said they hired a consultant and regretted it, ywnbu to spend this money. (Sleep over holiday anytime!)

When my DS was 1 we did gentle sleep training, a combo of The Sleep Lady book and Dr Sears techniques (basically a gradual retreat/disappearing chair approach) BUT what made it possible was doing it at the same time as a friend of mine whose boy is the same age as my ds. We texted each other support and pep talk and it really reassured me I was doing the right thing. Another thing that helped (oddly) was starting it while DH was away for the week. It meant we weren't hissing at each other in the corridor/disagreeing on timing/technique etc. Dh is a wonderful dad but we always end up squabbling about how to do things (esp when sleep deprived!) perhaps because I'm a control freak :-) it helped just to start things off with just me and ds getting on with it.

Good luck and enjoy the sleep when you get it - it's just around the corner now!

X

I think if you've got to the stage of hiring a consultant then you've probably tried most of the alternatives you think you can manage. One of the things I found valuable about it was that it gave me confidence to keep going - and when some things didn't work our consultant was great at coming up with tailored alternatives that did work.

ANewMe, you might be interested in the Millpond Clinic's book Teach Your Child to Sleep. We went to the Millpond clinic and TBH between the book and their sleep diary it was very obvious what was going on with our kids. The consultation is more for moral support and if it needs tailored to your specific situation.

Hi - thanks. One of my troublesome sleepers is now 6 and sleeps beautifully! The littlest one wakes due to sleep apnea so I guess I was posting more from having come through the other side wondering what sleep consutlations did - I have many friends with small babies so its good to know!

I would do in a blink. We paid around £200 6 years ago when DS1 was 3 and DTs 1. No sleep for years and bedtime was really really difficult (I've since discovered DS1 has ADHD so no surprise he was continually on the move day and night.

She actually came over and did a consultation in-situ, then wrote a 3 page plan, talked us through it, and we had phone support for a month.

What she did that you can't get from a support group:
Get both if us on-side, get DP signed up to whatever the plan was. Write an in detail to-the-minute plan with each and every action in order combining all three children. (who baths when, who is in what room, times, etc etc)

Because she didn't come with a particular dogma she tailored a plan to our preference (so we didn't do controlled crying , and she wasn't the type to read us the riot act. She showed us how to reassure the babies whilst leaving the room, and how to come in smiling and reassure them briefly before retreating again, then returning after slightly longer intervals). None of it was rocket science or anything you haven't heard before, but it was assurance to continue, and experienced supporter telling us that it will be easier in a week, and so on that kept us consistent.

They were actually going to bed and sleeping by 7.30pm in two weeks - and it worked for about a year.

Having DP on side and signed up made the big difference. I'd have someone in now to do it if I could as they are 8, 6 and 6 now and its very difficult indeed to get them to bed.

We used Andrea Grace www.andreagrace.co.uk/

Do it. I did, it's the best money I ever spent.

Thank you - I have spent ages over the yrs online reading advice, but nothing seems to work.... Perhaps the idea of spending the money just to force me to follow through with a plan would be well spent.

You're problem is right there. I know you are tired and probably not thinking straight and have the breaking strain of a kitkat atm, but whichever route you choose to go you will have to stick it for it to work. Consistency is the key.

I hope you manage to find a way that works for you all soon, sleep deprivation is hellish.

We used Andrea Grace with our 6 month old. She cost approx £250 and it worked.
If it happened again I would spend £1,0000 in a flash. She saved my sanity and I love her.

We used one for £175 and it saved my sanity. DD is now not napping and I'm trying but failing with the techniques but I don't regret the money spent for a second. As a PP said we tried lots of techniques but didn't know which one to stick with.

Best £400 I spent! Had a 20 month old who would only sleep in our bed, had to be rocked to sleep and have a bottle and woke every hour. Within a month she was sleeping through in her own bed 6.30pm - 7.30am!!

Go for it!! X

Can I ask how old your babies/ children were? What's the earliest you can do it from?
Thanks

My baby was 8 months.

I have seen things around MN that imply sleep training shouldn't be used for infants under 6 months old but I don't know if that is the case.

We had our sleep consultant when the baby was 5 days old. So she never got into bad habits in the first place!