To think i dont deserve to be evicted over this?!

[Blackout234]

We've lived in this house from end of october paying rent since 1st of november. my rent came out on 1st of november, 1st of December and I can't 100% say for the 1st of Jan as i've not had this months bank statement yet... Anyhow the 325 came out on the first of november and the first of december no problems, or so i thought.
the landlord is a friend of my father in laws, by the way. and has know FIL since they were kids. Most correspondence goes through fil,for some reason LL never wants to speak to us directly. anyhow, a few days ago LL called FIL to say there was something up with rent and he'd been in touch but didn't give FIL any detail so FIL passed that along to us. Ok. fine. so i dig out my bank statements from nov and dec and find on both occasions rent went out of my accounts. I thought there may have been a problem with this months rent and waited to hear something as we have no number for LL fil doesn't even have a number for LL cos LL calls fil off a private number. today i wake up to dp next to me on the phone, he puts the phone on loud speaker and i hear "im sorry son, LL is evicting you because you're in 975 arrears and the house is a mess, Blackout wasnt even out of bed when the electricians visited"
the house was untidy yes as id spent the night before in hospital with bleeding (Im almost 23 weeks pregnant) and really needed sleep so was just left to it in the spare room. You can't expect me to injure myself for the sake of two dirty plates, crumbs on the unit and baskets of washing in the living room?! I honestly thought unless mold or severe damage to the property was involved its your home to live how you like. btw it was only 9:30AM when electricians visited so not like i slept through the entire evening. I'm gutted we're being evicted. i'm 23 weeks pregnant, can't work much anymore (Self employed) because of various reason so our income is about 100 a week if lucky now as dp is on SSP. i'm so stressed and everything feels so uncertain right now. I don't want to bring my baby to a hostel :( No children yet but pregnant. today we were supposed to go to the job centre and CAB to get advice about what benefits we can claim and if possible could we claim housing benefits as in the last 10-14days our income has taken a large hit so we're struggling.
AIBU to think i dont deserve to be evicted? Why not talk to me personally or my partner and get things straight rather than going in all guns blazing?
AIBU to also ask if anyone knows whats going to happen now cos i dont and im shit scared?:(

Please report this to police. He needs to be punished NOW, and a record of his abuse will keep your baby safer in the future.

SSP. I had to look it up. Well, let him live on that. The jerk.

P.S. If you go back to house soon, to get things, you could take pictures to show the place is clean. But if you do, do you have a nice big burly brother to take with you?

Really do consider police report, if on record you can make sure he doesn't have unsupervised access; but also increase your chances of social housing if homeless due to dv as well as being pregnant / single parent. Getting rid of him and the stressful housing situation may yet make 2015 a great year for you, and of course you'll be meeting your baby too, so keep your head up

Agreed, agreed, agreed!!

Oreo ice cream is the perfect choice

hansielove fortunately one of my closest and loveliest friends is married to a bouncer with pecs the size of my head and hes offered to take me up to get my stuff so I may well go up with him as I've left 90% of my stuff there, i could only carry so much in one and was more concerned with getting my most important documents out (Log book for my car, birth certificate and passport the sort of stuff he could "lose" to inconvenience me) My clothes, ipod etc are all up there still not sure if i should write it off or go up with said friend, i dont know yet

Just read the entire thread. So sorry for all the stuff you've had to put up with OP, but I admire your very obvious intelligence and care for your baby

Just wanted to say that, unless you are married, you don't have to put your dp on the birth cert. As far as I know, he would still have to pay child maintenance but at least you could control his access to the child.

Bouncer Man sounds lovely! You could take a picture of your Ex's face when he sees you two come in.
I don't see why you should leave anything of yours there. Nada.
I hope you don't let Ex get away with punching you in the throat! Police report! Go to doctor to get info entered, and to be checked out.
You have had a terrible day, but you have handled it capably. Sleep well.

Bouncer man is lovely, although i'll never hug him (i like my ribs whole, thanks!) I should do, lol.
I am looking to go to a doctor (Will be ringing in the morning) as its hurting me to swallow unless i really chew things up really small so think he may have squished something, he used quite a bit of force(It took me about 10 seconds to be able to breathe again after impact not sure if that was shock or not) and im getting funny colored bruising, its gone from yellow to brown back to yellow so think my body is going "wtaf happened?!".
I want to report to police, but due to having been let down before as a child by the system I find it hard to put faith in the system thats whats making me a bit nervous as last time I reported something i came out on the worse end and felt i had wasted my time even bothering, but then again what if he does it to another woman, one who does not have the strength to get up and leave?
I can't sleep, i can't shut off. Im sat on the sofa with a duvet at my mums as I can't face being in a bed alone, i'm heartbroken as pathetic as it sounds!

i'm heartbroken as pathetic as it sounds!

Nothing about you sounds pathetic, Blackout. I think you are wonderful. And I speak as one who forgave the first violent attack, only to suffer another two, and I am one of the lucky ones.

It seems to run in the family, my dd had a baby with a violent man and they had to split up when dgd was two months old as he had another violent outburst. I was stupid enough to comment to a friend of mine about how angry dd's crying was and my friend pointed out that she had absorbed the anger from her father. Fortunately that only lasted for two weeks, but the poor wee thing.

So when it gets hard and you feel like you want to give him another chance, remember your baby, just as you have already done. This is the first in a long list of sacrifices you will make for your baby, but it is worth it.

Coyoacan, that sounds awful, poor baby (and your poor dd for having to put up with it but good on her for leaving) im grateful my baby wont have the chance to pick up on any negative vibes from ex. no matter how much I love ex and how much i miss him and how much it hurts to be away from him it will hurt worse in 20 years time to find out my child is permanently damaged from seeing daddy smack mummy around. I can't let that happen or even chance it. if kids weren't involved he'd have a 1% chance of a second chance with a hell of alot of grovelling, counselling for me, for him and for us but with a child involved its not happening

Blackout sweetheart. What a dreadful thing to happen to you. I'm full of admiration for your presence of mind to remove not only yourself but your important documents so quickly and take all the precautions to protect yourself that you managed. [high five emoticon]

Your injury sounds concerning. Please take photos of the bruising and definitely see a doctor. I would suggest sooner rather than later in case swelling develops.

Regarding your decision making about the police, was it recently you feel you were let down? Is it possible that the recent changes in how DV is viewed by the police might have changed things. Your XP may have done similar things before, and may do them again, even to you. It would be best for you and LO to make sure this is logged even if it goes no further. Think about it. Is there anyone who can be with you if you decide to report?

Thank you homebird,no, i was let down by police about 7 years ago and its stuck with me, it was DV that i was going to the police about however I had been physically assaulted in one of the worst ways possible and the whole case caused me more distress than it was worth. I may still get it logged though to be used as an official reason(that i have proof of) in court as to why i do not want my child with him unsupervised. I do have a few people that are happy to come with (My closest friend,mentioned above, the one thats married to a bouncer, my mother would do it, older sister etc) im not short on emotional support by any means. Its likely i will report, my anxieties are just holding me back a bit. I'll do anything to stop him from hurting my child no matter how much it hurts me at first.

Get it logged for sure op with the ddoctor and the police. He may well turn nasty again towards you . I'd tell the police and make it clear bouncer man is going with you to get some things in case you have to call the police again. At the very least even if the police don't charge him then he will not get unsupervised access.

What's the worst that can happen by reporting? Nothing is what you are worried about but even if he isn't charged social services get red flags about him and if he tries to harass you can get an order more quickly against him. I wonder how much of your anxiety is normal for you and how much has been caused by him over the years because it's a common trick to keep people down by bullies to exacerbate things.

I'm so glad you have good people around you. It's that surety in the wrong of the situation which shows that you know what it is to be treated well. So sorry that you have such dreadful previous experience within a relationship and that the court process was so horrible for you. It must make it very hard for you to get this current situation logged. Your love for that LO is so obvious. He or she will be lucky to have you as a mum.

Try to look after yourself and let other people look after you too. Then, when you feel strong enough you can do the necessary.

I understand your feelings of being let down before, but please please report to the police and take photos of your bruising. Go to the docs to get the injuries recored too. You cannot let him get away with this. Also if you rind the 101 non emergency number you can make an appointment to go back to the house (take several people with you to help pack up all your stuff) they will attend with you for up to an hr roughly in order to prevent a breach of the peace, so that he dosent tough you. Even more so with a report of domestic violence. The police do take these things seriously now and you must not only protect yourself but your child too. P.s. you are one strong womam to leave and i for oneeven though i dont know you am so proud of you.

Blackout, things have changed a great deal in the last 7 years as far as the police go. I really urge you to call them and tell them what happened to you and also possibly call a women's refuge, I don't know where you are staying now, but they will be able to help you so much and support you greatly.

Well done for walking away, you are obviously 100% for your baby and that is very refreshing to hear!

Blackout, how are you now? I hope you have seen/are seeing a doctor today. The injuries you received are worrying, and it's a good idea to have them checked out. Also to put them on record is important.

Police too! Your (ex)DP really shouldn't be getting away with this. I know he was in a stressful situation (well so were you!) but what he did was just appalling.

Thought of you this morning and hope you are feeling not too shell-shocked today. It's good you have family and friends in real life you can rely on.

Log it at least. Even if you don't end up pressing charges. That way there will be a record of the incident if there's ever any custody issues in future. You might want to have a serious think about leaving him off the birth certificate too. I understand that this would make things more difficult for him if he suddenly decides to play the doting dad.

Good luck. It sounds like things have been rough, but it's good that you have a support network.

Hello, how are you doing lovely? Hope you're doing ok, have you managed to see a Dr? Doesn't sound good if you're having issues swallowing, really is best to get it checked out, and also get photos if you can, may need such proof later to keep him from having access. As others have said, the police really have improved how they deal with dv cases, you could call and ask to be put in touch with the Fb team nearest you, and hopefully they will handle things so much better this time. Am really glad it sounds like you have some great people around you for support, and you yourself are also fab for your swift and decisive action to keep you and your lo safe, I have great respect for your strength