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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think i dont deserve to be evicted over this?!

143 replies

Blackout234 · 12/01/2015 12:38

We've lived in this house from end of october paying rent since 1st of november. my rent came out on 1st of november, 1st of December and I can't 100% say for the 1st of Jan as i've not had this months bank statement yet... Anyhow the 325 came out on the first of november and the first of december no problems, or so i thought.
the landlord is a friend of my father in laws, by the way. and has know FIL since they were kids. Most correspondence goes through fil,for some reason LL never wants to speak to us directly. anyhow, a few days ago LL called FIL to say there was something up with rent and he'd been in touch but didn't give FIL any detail so FIL passed that along to us. Ok. fine. so i dig out my bank statements from nov and dec and find on both occasions rent went out of my accounts. I thought there may have been a problem with this months rent and waited to hear something as we have no number for LL fil doesn't even have a number for LL cos LL calls fil off a private number. today i wake up to dp next to me on the phone, he puts the phone on loud speaker and i hear "im sorry son, LL is evicting you because you're in 975 arrears and the house is a mess, Blackout wasnt even out of bed when the electricians visited"
the house was untidy yes as id spent the night before in hospital with bleeding (Im almost 23 weeks pregnant) and really needed sleep so was just left to it in the spare room. You can't expect me to injure myself for the sake of two dirty plates, crumbs on the unit and baskets of washing in the living room?! I honestly thought unless mold or severe damage to the property was involved its your home to live how you like. btw it was only 9:30AM when electricians visited so not like i slept through the entire evening. I'm gutted we're being evicted. i'm 23 weeks pregnant, can't work much anymore (Self employed) because of various reason so our income is about 100 a week if lucky now as dp is on SSP. i'm so stressed and everything feels so uncertain right now. I don't want to bring my baby to a hostel :( No children yet but pregnant. today we were supposed to go to the job centre and CAB to get advice about what benefits we can claim and if possible could we claim housing benefits as in the last 10-14days our income has taken a large hit so we're struggling.
AIBU to think i dont deserve to be evicted? Why not talk to me personally or my partner and get things straight rather than going in all guns blazing?
AIBU to also ask if anyone knows whats going to happen now cos i dont and im shit scared?:(

OP posts:
flamingoland · 12/01/2015 19:23

legally perhaps you can't walk out, but I'd be very willing to bet you won't be taken to court- sod them all. Please go to the police though so they can record the assault. I'm sorry to hear such a horrible thing has happened to you.

Original poster
Blackout234 · 12/01/2015 19:27

sleepyhoglet, our income dropped to 100 just under 2 weeks ago due to my work taking a hit (Slander) and ex being put on ssp last week. and rent was 325 not 395. hence why today the original plan was to go to cab and job centre to ask about various benefits. anyhow, to the pps i dont know if i'll be reporting to police yet. not sure. im considering it to have proof of violence to stop him taking me to court for unsupervised access because no way is that happening after he went for me.

OP posts:
PragmaticWench · 12/01/2015 19:28

Whatever the legal situation with the flat, the most important thing right now is to take care of yourself and the baby. Do call your midwife if you need extra support OP, they should be able to help you access help, not just medical care.

Original poster
Blackout234 · 12/01/2015 19:30

I know. me and baby are number 1 above all thats why i just cut everything off and left i can't put my child at risk (Which in my mind putting myself at risk while pregnant would be doing so) maybe, if enough remorse was show and i knew it was just emotions pent up and i was childless i'd think differently but i'm not childless and i have a duty of care as a mother to keep my child safe no matter how much it rips me to shreds to do so.

OP posts:
flamingoland · 12/01/2015 19:49

you sound a very strong person and a very good mum already. By walking out you've got rid of a seemingly horrible partner and a horrible landlord. Let them chase you for their money- they won't bother.

Original poster
Blackout234 · 12/01/2015 19:52

Thanks flamingoland, i'm bloody well trying! chase all they like. its not my name on the tenancy (lease in his name, not married i was just paying) its now his to pay and i've proof (text and email for good measure) that i've made him aware. so he cant say "Oh but i thought blackout was paying for it!". i've tried to "shut down" as many wriggle room opportunities as possible so neither can come after me for money or anything else.

OP posts:
GallicIsCharlie · 12/01/2015 20:00

Fucking hell, Blackout! It's been a hell of a few weeks for you Shock

Really well done on handling everything so cleanly & correctly. I hope you're all safe and cosy at your Mum's.

I agree with your thoughts on unsupervised access! Report the twat Flowers

KatieKaye · 12/01/2015 20:01

Blackout - what a horrid situation for you. I'm glad you've got your stuff and can stay with your Mum. Please think seriously about reporting the assault to the police.

stay safe

Confusedkitkat1 · 12/01/2015 20:07

Hi blackout

Just wondered if it would be possible to claim ESA? Employment and support allowance.

I am currently claiming this benifit because I was so poorly with HG during my pregnancy as long as your GP signs you off as sick you can claim this as being self employed I'm guessing you can get sick pay? They keep you on ESA until your baby is born and then they switch you over to income support. It means you don't get Mat pay but the ESA is more then generous I have found it also entitles you too top rate of housing benifit and an additional level or council tax support.

I would also get yourself to the council and get applying for a council property. With a baby you will be entitled to a two bed property be it a house or flat but then you will have stability for yourself and your baby. Congratulations by the way do you know what your having yet?

Hope this helps if you want any more info or have any questions feel free to PM me. Flowers for your bad week.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 12/01/2015 20:18

I think this will be a good turning point for you- better with your mum and finding out what you are entitled to, than an insecure tenancy through FIL and a violent partner. I honestly think this is the start of something better for you, good luck.

Original poster
Blackout234 · 12/01/2015 21:12

Confused, i dont know about esa but will ask cab about that (Will still be calling for myself in the morning as well as my midwife) thank you everyone, still hurt, still devastated but know what i have to do x

OP posts:
notauniquename · 12/01/2015 21:27

if you are claiming esa, don't forget to also apply for a maternity grant:
www.gov.uk/sure-start-maternity-grant/overview

Topseyt · 12/01/2015 21:59

Blimey Blackout!! Shock What a hellish day you have had.

Your ex sounds like a prize arsewipe and you have done the right thing going to your Mum's place.

If your name and signature are not on any part of the tenancy agreement then you shouldn't have any problem there. Your abusive ex may well, and the twatty landlord but just leave them to it.

I wish you well.

Original poster
Blackout234 · 12/01/2015 22:17

topseyt, hellish day indeed. and there was me thinking 2015 would be a good one! ha bollocks. its not even my birthday yet (feb 15th) and i already feel like falling off the face of the earth;L fun times (Sarcasm) currently sat in bed with a packet of biscuits crying my eyes out.

OP posts:
fishinabarrell · 12/01/2015 22:44

Oh op im sorry. Ex partner deserves to be an ex, thankfully you left right away before things aka him, got worse. He hurt you and put your child at risk-what a vile man.

See this as a lucky escape for you and your baby op. Perhaps 2015 will be good, it's so new in the year and you've stood up to your abuser and protected yourself and your child. You are strong op, maybe this will be a much better year without your ex in your life?

Original poster
Blackout234 · 12/01/2015 22:55

Yeah I know. the more i think about it the worse it is. i originally saw it as emotions being too pent up but how it happened seems to... planned? Idont know. I was walking out of the house to clear my head and rather than just elbow me or shove me he went to the trouble to pull me back, turn me (By my shoulder) and punch me in the throat. and IMO if you're punching someone in the throat you're looking to do damage so i dont know what to think although im seriously considering reporting to police

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackout234 · 12/01/2015 22:56

sorry for the ramblings just no one else to talk to really.

OP posts:
FightOrFlight · 12/01/2015 23:06

What a shocking thing to happen to you Blackout Sad You definitely did the right thing in leaving immediately. You are probably still in shock (I know I would be anyway) So glad you are safe now x

Topseyt · 12/01/2015 23:06

You have faced a potential tenancy crisi, stood up to a bully and got yourself and your unborn baby to safety. No mean feat at all.

2015 will certainly bring some challenges for you, but I think you sound like you will make a really good mum, so it hopefully won't be as bad as you fear.

I suspect you have had a lucky escape. Do whatever may comfort you for now. Eating biscuits and chocolate, watching trashy TV etc.

Take care of yourself first and foremost. Maybe your midwife will have ideas for practical help which may be available.

NadiaWadia · 12/01/2015 23:10

He punched his pregnant GF in the throat. What a charmer. This is a dangerous man, OP, you have to report to the police. You must have bruising? Hope you are OK.

In a way, it's better you found out what he's really like now, rather than after the baby arrives, although that's probably not much consolation. Well done for walking out.

wowfudge · 12/01/2015 23:12

I feel for you Flowers. What a horrible day you've had. Good luck with the CAB tomorrow.

Adarajames · 12/01/2015 23:13

Poor you with so much going on, but huge bloody well done for doing totally the right thing for you and baby when he turned into an evil abusuve fuckwit! Really do consider police report, likd you say, if on record you can make sure he doesn't have unsupervised access; but also increase your chances of social housing application being given higher consideration if homeless due to dv as well as being pregnant / single parent. Getting rid of him and the stressful housing situation may yet make 2015 a great year for you, and of course you'll be meeting your baby too, so keep your head up and don't give up on 2015 yet! Smile Best wishes for it all x

Original poster
Blackout234 · 12/01/2015 23:44

Thank you everyone. yup, crying and eating ice cream. im ok, just finding it a bit difficult to swallow "Lumpier" foods without over chewing (Sorry for TMI) i know this won't last forever but i feel like i've lost my right leg. very distressing for me cuddles oreo ice cream feeling sorry for self

OP posts:
GlitterBelle · 13/01/2015 00:24

I'm so sorry, how awful. You must be so shaken up. What a terrible breach of trust.

Please do think about reporting it - you never know what may happen in the future, and having a record could be helpful for you. Also he deserves to be punished, it's not okay to hit someone, particularly your pregnant partner.

Glad you weren't on the tenancy as you can leave the two dickheads to sort it out themselves.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 13/01/2015 00:43

Oh you poor thing. How awful.

Was this the first time he did anything like this? In the throat, awful.

I would try and call the police if you're up to it?

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