AIBU to be fed up of being a Mummy

[catlass]

I know I'm being unreasonable, I do but as I sit here listening yet again to my 13 m old refusing to nap and scream the place down I think I'm beginning to lose my mind.

I am fed up of hanging nappies and food battles and rushing to the toilet for 3 year old. I am fed up of the constant, constant whinging and crying: fed up of no sleep and having constant headaches. Fed up of being overweight and not having the energy to deal with it. Fed up of living in a tip. I am so anxious and on edge. I work in a very stressful job and can't cope any more. I feel sick thinking of work and have been having palpitations. I've already been to the GP and they want me to do counselling but I don't know when I'd fit flaming councilling in! I'm fed up of not having the energy or time to actually play with my kids, fed up of them being in my face, fed up of telling them to play on their own. I need to get a grip. Worst of all I'm fed up of not being the mum I thought I would be. Why isn't my baby happy?

Sorry just one long whinge really.

YANBU

It is hard work and a thankless task! It's a daily grind and it doesn't leave a lot of "you time" or depending on circumstances, it can leave no "you time".

Oh great, a digger has started to demolish our road outside my house as DS just down for his nap (that he has refused for days....)

It's hard to see the whole picture when you are immersed in it but you have two children who I'm sure are lovely and you are doing an amazing balancing act. Give yourself credit. Good luck with counselling.

Oh Yanbu.
I feel just like you. The little buggers really wear you down don't they?

I wish I knew how to help but my only solution is to eat lots of chocolate to help with the tiredness and try to look forward to the future, when the kids are more independent and you can claw back a life for yourself (that's what I'm doing).

Thanks that'snotmy, that's it I think that it's all so thankless. And grinding. Even just getting them out the house is a circus! Ah well keep calm and carry on. They are lovely, lovely children and I love them to bits but life is a bit relentless at the min.

Thanks tychos, I was half expecting everyone to say I'm a terrible person. That is pretty much my coping mechanism at the min, lots of chocolate and day dreaming about when they're older and can dress tv he selves!

Also - I'm taking sertraline to help with the anxiety. Would you consider that?

I think your last statement about not being the mum you thought you would be is key. Forgive yourself. You don't neeed to be perfect for your children. It's important not to be actually. xx

I'm on a small dose of amytryptaline, maybe I'll go back to the GP and see if they can change it. I always thought I'd be a mum who plays with them all the time and really enjoys pretend cooking but flipping heck I can't take one more pretend cup of tea!

I remember the same feeling. I know it's not an immediate help but mine are now 2 and 4 and it does get easier. They're much more independent and play together longer.

YANBU, it's the hardest and least appreciated job in the world. Mine is nearly 3, I'm hoping it gets easier once she's at school. You will be OK, as they say, the days are long but the years are short. They WILL get easier and in a few years time they'll learn how to make you a cup of tea and fetch the chocolate and remote.

Agree with previous comments. Dont try to be perfect. Accept that good enough is good enough. And it wll get better. And find a way to get counseling, if it helps isnt it worth it?

I think 3 and 1 are the hardest ages as they are mobile but still very dependent on you....

Remember the days are long but the years are short. It won't be long till they can dress themselves, feed themselves and keep each other entertained. Do whatever you can to make life easier for yourself...beans on toast for dinner and kids tv is perfectly acceptable!

You're not being even slightly unreasonable. I came very close to leaving my DP and 2 sons last night because I hate, hate, HATE being nothing but 'Mummy'.

I hate the fact that DP swans home, expects tea on the table, and then sits doing live gaming on his PS4 with his bloody mates when I've not had an adult conversation all day. I hate the fact that whenever I leave the house, it has to be with the bloody kids. I hate being overused and underappreciated.

So no, sweetheart. YANBU and I feel for you.

Yanbu I feel like this to but when there both in bed I feel totally different and would have more then they wake up and am sick of them ha my 12 month old is like no other child she is hard work and I have looked after 100s of children being a mum fills you with lots if emotions that change constantly. don't be hard on yourself I don't think any of us are the mum's we expected to be ( in our perfect little daydreams before are baby's were born)

Another vote of support, OP. I put it all down to not enough sleep. I know that makes me sound like a child but it's true: when I have enough I'm cheery and a bit more fun and nothing is too much trouble. When I haven't, I'm a self-obsessed, self-pitying, angry grouch, and I hate myself. I'm behind you - two-year-old and second baby due any minute, and I know the next years is going to be so hard. But people do it every day: so can we.

Plus, I reckon four is more than old enough to start mixing G&Ts, and then we'll be away.

YANBU

Mine are 3 and 6 and squabble constantly.

Are there any ways you can give yourself small breaks even while you're looking after them? Can you get both of them to sit nicely at the table with a snack while you have a cup of tea and a biscuit?

Sorry if I'm being completely naive with this suggestion, I've only got one and he's 7 months old, putting him in his high chair at the table with a biscuity thingy or a small piece of toast gives me maybe 15 mins to recharge myself while I sit with him and have a cup of tea. Works well mid-morning and/or mid-afternoon - not sure if your 3 year old would co-operate?

It's only a small break, but if you try to be 'mindful' and really enjoy the simple pleasure of it, I find that it's little moments like that which keep me sane.

I hate to say this but all your comments have made me feel better! Have a 3 year old and a 4 year old who seem to constantly fight, whinge, strop and destroy our house!

I love them so much but it is so, so hard. Last weekend 3 yr old was constantly screaming and shouting, slamming doors in rages over everything....this weekend she has been adorable.

But 4 yr old has now taken to shouting at us and being so cheeky. This morning trying to get her ready for school I had that I never play with her and she doesn't like me and I'm boring. Then waiting to get into school she pushed the 3 yr old over.

I have to keep looking at photos of fun times we have had to remind it's all worth it!

I could have written your post myself! Last night I had to throw the children at my husband the second he walked through the door so I could go upstairs for a little cry! The baby is generally delightful but the three year old is, well, wearing shall we say! He is incredibly clingy and high energy and he leaves me absolutely drained. I have to carry around the baby all day just to keep her safe from the whirlwind that is my son. I'm hoping when she can sit up/crawl and is bit more robust it will be a little easier but who the hell knows?!

I think everyone thinks that they will be calm and relaxed and happy, then they find out that they spend a lot more time fighting than they ever did before, and over the smallest little thing! I have a 3 year old and a 20 month old...

I have definitely perfected the devil voice!

I do love looking at heavily pregnant couples, and seeing how calm yet excited they look, and I know they have all this to look forward to!

No solutions, just sympathy!

YANBU, nope not at all. It's beautiful, amazing and we are very lucky to have kids to moan about, but fucking hell... Having 2, well It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm actually getting rages because my OH can just have a poo when he feels like it. On. His. Own. That's my 'me' time right there, a solo poo. Without someone strapped to me or trying to see my actual poo.

I'm just coming out of the 3 month fug of having a newborn and I'm determined to find a way to shift baby weight and not lose the remaining marbles I have left before I return to work. Ha!

YANBU at all.

I'm struggling. I have an 18 month old who is a 'handful' and I've just gone back to work 3 days. I'm a teacher and I've been moved year groups to Nursey
Sweet Jesus, my life is one long stream of chaos!

YANBU - I only have a 11 month old and have had a cry today because with her and work it's all just too much - so you have my sympathy and admiration OP

YANBU- but I promise, all of you on this thread, it WILL get easier to manage. They grow, learn to read, learn to either entertain themselves or at least be bored quietly!
Don't be so hard on yourselves

You poor love. Just keep saying my mantra: this too will pass.
If you lived near me I would give you a hand, I'm retired.
Is Southend any good?

Medoc - When does it get easier though? I was told this many a time. For me not much has become easier. I was told as soon as the eldest turns 4, as soon as the youngest turns 1, when the youngest turns 2 because the 2 DC will entertain each-other, when the oldest DC starts school. All these stages have been and gone, it is still relentless.

My DD aged 5 reads, can play by herself (at school all day), but NEVER at home and neither my DD or DS play together. Oh, and they are certainly not quiet!

The mantra 'this too shall is pass' is fine but I wanted to be a good Mum and enjoy my DC. I dont want the time to go fast, I want to be a patient, kind, loving, dedicated and devoted mum.

OP, keep coming back to MN to have a whinge & use every opportunity to put your feet up, even if it 10 mins. Thats all I can say for now.