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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be fed up of being a Mummy

47 replies

catlass · 12/01/2015 11:14

I know I'm being unreasonable, I do but as I sit here listening yet again to my 13 m old refusing to nap and scream the place down I think I'm beginning to lose my mind.

I am fed up of hanging nappies and food battles and rushing to the toilet for 3 year old. I am fed up of the constant, constant whinging and crying: fed up of no sleep and having constant headaches. Fed up of being overweight and not having the energy to deal with it. Fed up of living in a tip. I am so anxious and on edge. I work in a very stressful job and can't cope any more. I feel sick thinking of work and have been having palpitations. I've already been to the GP and they want me to do counselling but I don't know when I'd fit flaming councilling in! I'm fed up of not having the energy or time to actually play with my kids, fed up of them being in my face, fed up of telling them to play on their own. I need to get a grip. Worst of all I'm fed up of not being the mum I thought I would be. Why isn't my baby happy?

Sorry just one long whinge really.

OP posts:

Original poster

catlass · 12/01/2015 16:23

You know what everyone I really dithered over writing this post but I'm so glad I did. Thank you for all being so honest, I'm not alone! It's the endless drudgery isn't it! I had to laugh at the poster who said that when their kids are in bed they atart thinking about having another one, I could have written that myself. Motherhood is by far the hardest thing I've ever done and tested me in ways I didn't think could happen.

OP posts:

Original poster

catlass · 12/01/2015 16:26

Posted before finishing!

I'm at work soon so can't go through and reply individually but I've been nodding along with all your posts, thank heavens I'm not alone. It always looks like other mums are coping so much better than I am. I have lowered our standards, my kids watch more telly than I would like and more biscuits than is ideal but what can you do?? It's that or I go insane.

Thank you to the poster who offered h

OP posts:

Original poster

catlass · 12/01/2015 16:27

Help (on phone, can't scroll back) very kind of you but unfortunately we are hundred of miles away. The irony is whenever I get a very rare opportunity to be away from my kids I hate it and don't know what to do with myself lol.

OP posts:

Coyoacan · 12/01/2015 16:37

I only ever had one, but knowing how much work one small child is I totally admire you people who have two or more. But I think it is worth it. By the time my dd was 8 I would have loved her to have had a close sibling to entertain her when we were at home, instead of constantly being asked to play boring games.

Gen35 · 12/01/2015 16:38

Tv and biscuits are a good idea - some days you just have to get through til bedtime. I wish I knew how people coped. I've just abandoned my maternity leave after 6 months and begged to go back - I was really looking forward to having the preschool year with dd and baby but the reality is miserable - dd (4) spent 20 minutes trying to pull over today while I tried to get the baby to sleep for a long overdue nap, I managed it, ten minutes later the doorbell rang and the dog went crazy, waking the baby up. It's hell most of the time....

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/01/2015 16:53

Hello my name is "CrossMummy", but my youngest child calls me "MummyPig". Does that make you feel any better ?

Kids are kids - they don't change and you'll have good days and bad. Trust me, you are far from being the only Mum who got up this morning and thought "I'm knackered but thank f**k I'm going to work today and can sleep on the train"

What's going on with work, anything we can help with there because life's too short to be on meds to cope with a job?

WanderingTrolley1 · 12/01/2015 16:53

Yanbu.

I have a 23 month old and an 11 month old.

The past 11 months have been the hardest of my life. I sank so low, I almost had a nervous breakdown - couldn't function.

5 weeks in to Sertraline and only just starting to see the glimmer of hope.

Does your partner know how you feel?

ZingTheGreat · 12/01/2015 17:04

DD is 2y 9 m, BabyZing is 6 months

she is a live wire/menace /poo artist, he is a velcro baby. and that's just my youngest two children.

it is relentless, I agree and I feel for you.

InsomniaIsNotCool · 12/01/2015 17:13

Hang in there OP, have felt this way many many times.

Can you get signed off work for a couple of weeks to catch your breath? sleep

AnotherGirlsParadise · 13/01/2015 04:24

Oh man, the solo poo. I vaguely remember those. My 3yo likes to try and see what's going on when I'm sitting on the toilet AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHO DOES THAT?

FlossieTreadlight · 13/01/2015 11:47

My eldest is 3 too - must be something at that age that makes them obsessed with mummy's bowel. I'm dreading getting my periods back - she is going to have her mind blown!

Original poster

catlass · 14/01/2015 03:15

Thank you everyone, it has been such a relief to hear of others in the same boat. I think I'm gonna arrange the counselling after all. I'm a HCP working in A+E. It is extremely stressful and is certainly not helping my mental health at the minute.

My DH is amazing, very helpful, does his fair share. But I'm not completely sure he total "gets" everything I'm going through. I suppose I can't expect him to though fully as he's not the one who's been through all the hormone changes and pregnancies etc. I take my hat off to single mums and the posters who have posted here saying that they don't get enough support from their partners. You guys are my heroes!

OP posts:

Waltonswatcher · 14/01/2015 07:44

I'm a mum to 3. I love it . I didn't post to gloat . I posted to tell you that I only feel that way because I have strict rules for my personal mummy success -
I can't work too -we luckily can just manage,my Dh is working so hard.
I don't help anyone out EVER! It takes me all my energy to cope with us.
I nap when the 2yr old does-there's no way I'd manage the day positively otherwise .
I try to get out daily-fresh air has a way of calming and healing!
And this rule is my biggy- I cut anyone out of my life who gives me shit . I won't tolerate the life suckers anymore .
Huge hug for all us mums. We've all had hard days .

Timeforabiscuit · 14/01/2015 07:57

Yes to avoiding people who feel like they suck the life out of you, not worth it - they never seem to have your back in return.

Outside helps - the screaming, whinging and inane chatter seems easier! There is no little weather in the UK that can't be endured with suitable clothing!

Don't do anything you think you should be doing (exercise, fingerpainting , healthful dinners needing an hours uninterrupted prep!) Imperatives only - I stopped ironing, vacuuming, the gardening, and craft activities I didn't like.

It officially got easier this year with both at school, both take themselves to the toilet, dress and organise themselves and my toilet habits are no longer a source of entertainment!

Mumm300 · 14/01/2015 09:13

YANBU

You work in A&E AND have 2 unders 4s! This is a lot of work! As a recent customer of A&E on 2 occasions, THANK-YOU!

I have 2 20 months apart, now teenagers. I remember well-meaning health visitor suggesting I should get some me time while they were asleep during the day. Unfortunately they timed their naps to perfection, one waking as the other went to sleep. I was totally k....d. It was relentless, hardly time to go to the loo. HV said I seemed to be more depressed/tired with second one. No s..t Sherlock!

I dont really have the answer, but perhaps save energy by missing out the food battles with 3 year old. Takes 2 to have a battle and very exhausting I know I have been there. You don't say what the battle is about but he won't starve. This is the tip I would give myself if I could go back in time.

Can you get them both into childcare for half day a week, or go to local toddler group where you can talk to other mums/parents? This was what saved me, it was before social networking on internet was an option.

Hang on in there - although its difficult I have theory that you do get back returns from all the hard work you put into parenting - eventually.

Notmymonkeys · 14/01/2015 11:23

Christ, I seriously hope YANBU, because I could have written this post!

And today everyone's fb is full of pictures of them frolicking with their children in the snow and I just feel fucking depressed at the thought of actually making it out the door with my nearly 3 and nearly 1 year olds.

angstridden2 · 14/01/2015 11:45

Okay I will admit I'm old, my children are grown up and I may have rose tinted glasses about when they were tiny. BUT.... not being able to go to the loo alone - why don't people use playpens? The children are safe, honestly they won't be mentally scarred by being away (but within earshot) from mum and if they are used to mummy actually doing something for herself for a few minutes they will be used to it! They may actually quite enjoy playing with a special toy for a while. I don't know whether like MIL threads MN only gets posts from people with negative experiences (probably) but it seems that mums today really beat themselves up about not being perfect and that their children must never ever be upset. Give yourselves a break ladies, if they are fed, warm, clean(ish) and loved they will do okay. You do not have to sacrifice yourself to them - that way nobody is happy!

Notmymonkeys · 14/01/2015 11:53

I'm pretty sure my 2.10yo could get out of a playpen. But thanks for those words of wisdom.

Aberchips · 14/01/2015 12:31

No YANBU - everyone has days months like this! I often sit & ponder why the hell i'm doing it all with no thanks from anyone, then we'll all have a lovely day together and it makes me remember.

Small kids are hard work, full stop. Mine are 5 & 3 now and I have to say marginally easier in some ways but worse in others!!

fancyanotherfez · 14/01/2015 12:39

Mine are 6 and 3 and drive me mental most days. The fighting about nonsense (I'm the blue Ninja! No, IM the blue Ninja! You're always the blue Ninja! ) drive me to distraction. They make no sense at all. It is better re: having time to yourself now, but its replaced with school worries, homework, issues with friends and classmates. I had a nightmare the other day about when they were teenagers! It just seems to be never ending stress!

cestlavielife · 14/01/2015 12:44

go to counselling

speak to HR - maybe move to a less stressful role for now or reduce shifts.

make sure you get time out when h is at home - take few hours away from kids (him too - swap.)

if you both working get extra help at home someone to do ironing or cleaning.

write down all positives eg
children are healthy etc ...

remind yourself why you wanted kids... do something nice with them on weekend - not something dramatic, just go for walk in park and feel the fresh air...

angstridden2 · 14/01/2015 13:12

NotMyMonkeys - I am pretty sure mine could get out by the time they were walking too. Perhaps it is the rose tinted glasses but I honestly can't remember going to the loo with a baby or a toddler unless we were using a public toilet.It would have driven me barmy too! I imagine I mastered going very quickly though! I would just like young mums now not to have to think they have to try so hard; the baby and toddler days fly by when you look back, believe me.

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