to believe that some babies are just better sleepers than others?

[CheerfulYank]

I have two very good friends.

One has children. She started putting them in the crib in their own room from day 1. One slept through from two or three weeks, the other is three months or so now and wakes up once.

I have two children. The first slept through from about four months (I think....he's seven and a half now and I can't remember back that far!). My DD is 19 months and honestly did not sleep for more than three or four hours and a time no matter what I did til she was almost a year. I started cosleeping with her when she was a few months and that helped somewhat. I just wasn't comfortable leaving her to scream and that is what she would do if left alone. She's been a solid sleeper since about a year; she never sleeps with us anymore. She will occasionally wake in the night (maybe every few weeks) but will settle when given a drink and go back to sleep.

I'm pregnant with #3 now and am just planning to cosleep from the get go. We enjoyed it last time and it worked well. Plus the baby will eventually have to share a room with either DS or DD and it might work best (room arrangement wise) to move the baby when he/she is ready for a big bed.

Plus I do feel that cosleeping is best...in the way that breastfeeding is "best". That is, best if you can/don't mind it but obviously not best if it stresses you out OE you find it awful etc.

Every time this comes up with Friend 1 (the one with kids) she insists that putting her DD in her own room from birth "made" her a good sleeper and that I am making a mistake in not planning to "make" my DC3 a good sleeper.

Friend 2 (without kids but planning on TTC soon) has told me today that she will definitely not be cosleeping because "look at Friend 1, her DD slept right away and I just don't function without sleep.". I told her I don't either and that is why I coslept...it was the only way for us to get any sleep at all!

She clearly didn't believe me and (it's probably hormones) it is irritating the crap out of me. I feel like some babies are just naturally good sleepers and some aren't, no matter their sleeping arrangements.

AIBU? And hormonal? :o

You can't assume number three will want to co-sleep. My first two were almost exactly like yours. Number 2 was actually nocturnal, I think.
My third was a 12 hour a night baby. I couldn't believe it. Before I had her I think I thought that people who claimed their babies slept that long were deaf or lying. However, she wouldn't have co- slept. If she was crying she would sometimes keep going until I put her down in her crib, when she would stretch out with a look of utter contentment on her face. So they're all different. The good thing about no 3 is that you've got more things in your 'toolkit' to try!

Yeh I def think it's genetic.
My last 2 ebf babies co slept and went 1030/530 by wks then 1030/830 by 6wk. Once moved to a cot at 6wk went 7- 1030 dream feed then to 730/8 at 6wk.

My 9mo only ever worked up between 11/5 twice, once at 6wk growth spurt and once when teething.
She was a 6lb6 37wk ebf baby.

Luck of the draw.

Though I do gina ford routine for bf babies.

Gottobe - just hang in there for your "friend" to have a second baby and most likely she'll learn its not down to her fabulous parenting at all but she just got lucky! I also think there are things you can do to help get the best sleep from your baby, like clear differences between day and night and helping to encourage self settling (we got on well with swaddling in the very early weeks and a kind of baby whisperer like pick up put down), but different people just need different amounts of sleep. Mine eventually slept 11/12 hour nights with about 3 hours napping in the day but at the same time my nct mate's tot was sleeping 11 hours at night and it was a fight to get a single 40 min nap out of him. Our chosen tactics were much the same, just a different baby.

As with all things baby related, they all act differently because they are all different people. Obviously friend 2 can believe what she wants but I would be making sure she is aware of current SIDS guidelines in terms of baby being in same room.

I don't know... I had twins, so my own little controlled study IYSWIM. One of them was an excellent sleeper almost from day 1 but the other one fought sleep and was often overtired and woke frequently in the night... until I started putting them down in their cots in a darkened room for naps on a timetable not dissimilar to Gina Ford. (I didn't follow Gina, I had Marc Weissbluth's book). Twin 1 was happy with that (as she was with napping on me, in the buggy, or on the activity gym - all the same to her!) but for Twin 2 it made an amazing difference. Once she was getting enough naps she slept much better in the night too and was far happier. I've concluded from that that if you have a good sleeper it doesn't matter, but if you have a bad sleeper, introducing some routine can be a good way of making sure they get enough of a balance of sleep and play in the day to have them tired but not overtired for nighttime.

I don't know how to phrase this without coming across as an arse. You have two kids, you've been doing this longer than me, and I'm sure you're excellent at it. So this isn't a comment on your parenting at all... I just wonder whether your DD got less nap time than your DS because at the time your DS was born you could have him nap on you all day if he wanted, but by the time DD came along, she needed to fit into the school run/needs of an older sibling? Still I suppose you can always find a way to argue it, if someone has a bad sleeper for their first baby and a good sleeper for the second then you could argue it's because second time round they knew more what they were doing. Hard to know!

My ds is definitely a better sleeper nnaturally than dd(now 6).

Once his tongue tie was sorted at 10 ish week he slept really well

Sorry -

Dd had health problems but even when all resolved she sleeps badly. She is more likely to wake in the night with some sort of problem than he is!

Friend 1 was just lucky and she's talking rubbish.

DD was an awful sleeper, had to bf to sleep, woke up every two hours to feed until 2yo and I had to co-sleep as a survival strategy.

DS is completely different. He goes to sleep by himself anywhere, he slept 5-6 hours from a few weeks old, he does not need to bf to sleep nor does he accept bf for comfort.

Yes, definitely. Dd, 6, napped and slept through from a few weeks old. Stopped napping (2 hours every afternoon on the dot) around 3 yrs old and still needs 11 hours sleep now. Ds, nearly 2, didn't sleep/naps were 20 mins if lucky, hardly naps now but sleeps 11 hours at night. He does get cranky if he hasn't napped but will happily go to bed earlier in an evening and still sleep til at least 7am. He wakes constantly if teething/poorly whereas dd just sleeps through illness.

Hmmm I'm not sure, I have 4 dc's and they have all been good sleepers, all slept through the night 11-13 hours from 5/6 weeks old!

I have followed the same rountine with all of them with regards to feeds, naps, always going down in there crib awake at night (I'm my room for 6 months) never co sleep etc!

My best friend has 4 dc to and none of hers have been good sleepers, she never had a rountine and co slept with all of them!

Maybe it is just chance and I have been lucky 4 times over, I'm not saying I'm right but I'm my experience friends I know who follow rountine, don't co sleep etc have all had better sleepers

Yanbu both mine slept through very early on. Eldest at five days, youngest at three weeks. I had NO influence over this at all. Once they hit two though it all changed and still now I have trouble getting them both through the night!

A lot of it is just pure luck but parental influence can certainly have and effect (and obviously illness/teething etc). DS slept well when he was tiny (slept through at 12 weeks) but had a terrible spell between 6 and 11 months, waking every 90mins to 1 hour. The reason I say parental influence does have an effect is because sleep training works. Not for every baby but it does work. Ds's sleep got a bit better when more teeth came through but the real "break through" so to speak was when I became pregnant again and was simply too exhausted to carry on. So we did a few days of sleep training and he sleeps through now.
Among my friends it does seem to be those who've been very proactive in sleep training/routines that have babies that sleep through and those that (by their own admission!) don't want to have babies that sleep badly. Of course there are exceptions, one friend jokes she could send a marching band through her son's room and he wouldn't wake and has never done anything except put him in bed, another has tried everything and is still up half of the night.
I hope it doesn't reflect badly on you as a parent if your baby doesn't sleep well!! I'd moan tell any poor sod who'd listen about ds's crap sleep! Did't realise I was outing myself as a bad Mum and that the done thing was to lie.

I had one brilliant sleeper and one who never slept!! My first baby was the brilliant sleeper and wasn't I smug about what an amazing mum I was and how I'd managed to get my baby sleeping through!! I got a massive shock with baby no 2! In the end I had to sleep train.

Homepride I think the point is that there are many people who haven't co-slept, have followed routines etc and their baby still doesn't sleep. Like me! I really have done everything 'right' in terms of sleeping and routines but my daughter just does not sleep!

YANBU.

My first slept so little that we had to resort to taking shifts just so that we could sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time. He's now in his teens and making up for lost time...

The second was too hyper to settle anywhere for long. He's now 11yrs old, lies awake until the early hours of the morning, and still wakes throughout the night.

The third and fourth slept so well that I was convinced there must be something wrong with them and kept checking to make sure they were still breathing.

YANBU

I have two DC. They are both very different in their sleeping habits and have been from day 1. In hospital I kept bothering the nurses because I thought there was something wrong with Dc2 - not screaming but quietly sleeping in the cot. DC1 never did that. DC2 has never wanted anyone else in the room when falling asleep, DC1, at 5 will only fall asleep if someone else is in the room. Pure luck.

Also some of us co-sleep etc because we have bad sleepers and it's the only way to get a survivable amount of sleep.

Mine was actually a pretty good sleeper until 3 months, then it all went to pot, but even when nights were okay she would not sleep without being next to me and would not nap without being held. And what are you supposed to do, exactly? You can't make a baby go to sleep or stay asleep.

Yanbu.
My first was very bad, ok by 10 months, but now at 5 is excellent. My 2nd was brilliant from about 6 weeks. My 3rd is the worst of the lot, and at 7 months is still up every 90 mins. So yes we are cosleeping otherwise I would be pretty ill by now.

And yes I have done the same with all of them.

Friend one is selfish and risked her babies life for her convenience.

gottobeinittowinit I totally agree I'm not saying I'm right, chances are I was just lucky that my 4 appear to take after me.... I am the queen of sleep or that I sleep so well I wouldn't even hear them if they woke

I have found over the years there is no right or wrong way of parenting, just because I wouldn't consider co-sleeping or carrying my baby around in a sling all day doesn't make it wrong, it just means it wouldn't work for me! everyone is different and does what works for them and that's the right thing to do!

I was just using mine and my friends experiences as a example but that doesn't mean it's right and every baby in the world would sleep if you done what I did at the end of the day every baby is different (including my own 4)

Oh by cosleep I mean we will modify our cot into a side by side :) That way he or she will get used to the cot mattress (hopefully!) but still be there for cuddles and night nursing.

Mine are good sleepers now (DS is like the child of a PP's friend, the "send in a marching band" type) and DD is a lighter sleeper but once she is out and not disturbed she never wakes before eight. She will occasionally sleep past ten if allowed. Which is a shock considering she was the baby of the eight minute power nap! :)

Apparently I slept through from 6 weeks old, my son slept through from 5 weeks old. I am a complete dormouse, I go to bed around 10 and get up around 7 and sleep well. Maybe sleepy mums get sleepy babies.

I slept in my son's room during the week until he was 6 months old, at weekends he was in our room in a travelcot. He snuffled so much it was so my husband got some sleep.

Someone is going to tell me dormice are noctural now aren't they ;)

nocturNal

I have a colleague who is convinced that their DD sleeps well because of the good routine they instigated when she was born. DC2 is due this year

My own DC1 slept through the night from 7 weeks. DC2 got to about 3 yo before he ever slept through, and we did exactly the same with both of them.

I think it is mainly luck.