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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say thank you but no thank you to a family wedding invite

52 replies

jemima1988 · 11/01/2015 12:48

I have a 3 month old baby and will only be returning in July

I will be buying a house this year
safe to say it will be a tight year in terms of budget.

my DPs cousin has just invited us to her wedding it's abroad in a gorgeous boutique hotel I won't be able to afford much in terms of fun and leisure this year let alone a family wedding. DPs family is very close and he thinks we should be without on a few bits and go for a break I personally don't see a holiday with his family as a break but that's another issue

wwud?

OP posts:
Original poster
jemima1988 · 11/01/2015 12:49

That should say returning to work in July

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 11/01/2015 12:54

For a cousin to whom your husband is genuinely close I'd probably put up with it if he wants to go, to be honest.

KatelynB · 11/01/2015 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babymouse · 11/01/2015 12:57

How close are you both to this cousin?

People can be very unreasonable about weddings, but honestly if they think everyone will come to a destination wedding they are the unreasonable ones in that equation.

SIMPLESAM · 11/01/2015 12:59

Does the cousin live abroad or are they just hosting their wedding there? I would let him go alone.

SirChenjin · 11/01/2015 13:01

I wouldn't go. People who decide to get married abroad, which in turn incurs huge additional cost for their guests, have to accept that people - even those they are close to - will already have financial commitments that they can't/don't want to compromise on.

If your DP is getting sticky about it then suggest he goes alone.

Royalsighness · 11/01/2015 13:02

I think with destination weddings people should be prepared for guests not being able to come for financial or other reasons

expatinscotland · 11/01/2015 13:03

Nope, no chance I would go. My own family comes first. When you buy a house, too, sometimes you find yourself with unexpected expenses and you need a cushion of money for that.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 11/01/2015 13:13

I wouldn't go for the reasons the other posters have said.

Unexpected · 11/01/2015 13:46

Which "few bits" does your DP think you can go without in order for both of you to take a trip abroad to a boutique hotel (how expensive and for how long?)? Has he factored in wedding outfits and the cost of a gift as well? Will you be taking the baby with you because that isn't even going to end up as a break if you have an out-of-routine baby to cater for as well. Don't go - and don't feel guilty.

Baliali31 · 11/01/2015 14:59

YANBU unreasonable. If it was a sibling it would maybe be a bit different. I'm sure DP cousin will understand that a wedding abroad is just not everyone's cup of tea.

Pico2 · 11/01/2015 15:05

We had something like this with my cousin's wedding and didn't go. No one had a problem with it - it is pretty inevitable that not everyone will attend an overseas wedding.

fromparistoberlin73 · 11/01/2015 15:10

Another to say if family really can't afford it can he go solo? Compromise Smile

RoganJosh · 11/01/2015 15:13

I would think that if a wedding is abroad then the couple won't expect everyone to come. They may even be having it there so that the numbers are smaller.

NeedABumChange · 11/01/2015 15:14

Are you buying a house together or just you? Are your finances joint? I think he should go on his own if you don't want to. Tbh I think you'd be a knob if you didn't allow him esp as you say his family are close and he's probably known his cousin a lot longer than he's known you.

WooWooOwl · 11/01/2015 15:17

It's up to you whether you go or not, but it's up to your DP whether he goes or not. You only have the right to decide for yourself, you would be wrong to try and stop him going.

Hakluyt · 11/01/2015 15:18

He should go alone if you don't want to go.

Shockers · 11/01/2015 16:58

Is there anywhere cheaper in the area where you could stay?

That way you could do your own thing a bit too.

Ihavenobrain · 11/01/2015 17:07

Where abroad?
Is it an option to go for just 2-3 days?

Jewels234 · 11/01/2015 17:08

I absolutely wouldn't spend my precious time or money on a family holiday/wedding abroad that I would find stressful...so YANBU.

Having said that, some of my most fun holidays have been weddings abroad.

MorrisZapp · 11/01/2015 17:12

Christ on a bike. MN is another world to me sometimes. A wedding abroad with a three month old baby? When my baby was three months old I didn't shower for days at a time. Or brush my teeth. Money wouldn't even come into it, I could no more have gone on a foreign trip than flown in the air.

Tell him he's welcome to go by himself (I couldn't even have managed that - I needed DP there all the time at that stage).

Just say no.

OrangesJuicyOranges · 11/01/2015 17:22

I've got several friends who have married abroad and they've all said that one of the key motivators was that some of the extended family would get an invite, so wouldn't be offended, but wouldn't come. So id say they are banking on lots of invitees not coming and they will probably be pleased.

mynewpassion · 11/01/2015 17:27

If he wants to go, he can save up and go.

MaryWestmacott · 11/01/2015 17:36

I think this is one of those when your DH should get the casting vote. If you can afford it, and he really wants to go, then it's his money too and if it means a lot to him, then you should go. Or at least, he could go, perhaps not stay in the hotel the wedding is taking place in, is there somewhere close by cheaper? Stay for only a couple of nights, keep the costs to a minimum.

If it's not something he really wants to do, or doesn't really want to make the sacrifices needed, then perhaps say you need to 'ride out' family pressure and keep repeating "we can't afford it". Make sure he's not doing something he doesn't really want to do and can't afford just to save face with extended family, then he needs to have a little look at where his priorities lie.

WooWooOwl · 11/01/2015 17:39

Three month olds are raiser to take on holiday than toddlers ime.