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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to do even more...

27 replies

4seasons · 11/01/2015 09:24

To keep it short.... just been asked what we are doing at Easter as son and dil might end a dog sitter. We are already committed to dog sitting for two weeks at Whit. I feel mean but why should we commit to this so far in advance ? We might want to go on holiday ourselves at Easter. I feel mean refusing to commit and wouldn't mind for a couple of days really. What do others think ? A bit of a cheek or quite reasonable ? Get the feeling this might " grow" in terms of " bookings " for the future and now we are retired we like the freedom to do things at the last minute or take advantage of good deals. Now I feel selfish.

OP posts:

FuckyNell · 11/01/2015 09:26

Yanbu

ChaircatMiaow · 11/01/2015 09:28

YANBU. It is very cheeky of them considering you're already minding doggy for two weeks.

You are perfectly within you rights to say "no, we can't" and leave it at that. Let them sulk about it but they need to get the message that you have a life of your own and they can't be abusing your kindness.

Chandon · 11/01/2015 09:29

Yanbu, just say you are planning to see a friend/go to London/seaside/spa that week and cannot commit for a whole week.

If you want to be ultra reasonable, you can offer to have dog for a few days though.

Jinglebells99 · 11/01/2015 09:29

Just say you can't commit to anything as you may be going away. Their dog, their problem. Sounds like they need to look into using kennels or a paid for professional service.

Hatespiders · 11/01/2015 09:29

YANBU. Are the 2 weeks at Whit for the same couple?
I should just say exactly what you've said in your post.
I'm retired and I certainly wouldn't want to be tied up like that. Spontaneous trips and travel are what retirement's all about.

MagratsHair · 11/01/2015 09:30

Yanbu.

The dog can go into kennels. There is nothing mean about your saying no!

Depending upon how you feel you can just say no & leave it at that or you can explain that you will be waiting to see what last minute breaks you can get as you intend to go away :)

FunkyBoldRibena · 11/01/2015 09:32

If they can afford a holiday then they should factor in kennels. If you OFFER then that's fine but you surely have a life of your own?

Bowlersarm · 11/01/2015 09:34

Yanbu.

You are helping them out already. They should look into getting a professional dog sitter when you do want to do it, or kennels.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 11/01/2015 09:34

Quite reasonable to ask.
Completely reasonable to say, "we're keeping it free at the moment..."

MinceSpy · 11/01/2015 09:35

They have asked if you have any plans and could you dog sit - reasonable.

You don't want to commit -reasonable

If they moan or sulk -unreasonable

MagratsHair · 11/01/2015 09:35

I may be massively overreaching here OP & not meaning to be offensive at all :)

But if your son & dil do not have children then its worth saying no to the dog & getting that precedent in place before you are being expected to have both dog & grandchildren for 2 weeks.

(A pregnant relative of mine does this, just completely assumes that grandparents will look after their dog & grandchildren whenever they wish to have a weekend away or a holiday. There are also hints about free childcare when the mother returns to work as they don't wish to pay when they can get it for free.)

Say no to the dog or they will assume you are available & your plans will become less valid than theirs!

greeneggsandjam · 11/01/2015 09:37

2 weeks is quite a long time anyway and you are already doing that. I agree to saying that you are keeping your options open. Even if you don't go anywhere you may still want to go out for the day/not have a dog around you for 2 weeks straight!

HaPPy8 · 11/01/2015 09:41

I think its fine that they have asked but it is equally fine for you to say you aren't sure at the moment.

Theas18 · 11/01/2015 09:43

Yanbu but if you can go when you like you aren't going at easter by choice are you surely?

Do you enjoy having the dog? Why not do it?

KERALA1 · 11/01/2015 09:45

Be like my parents - cheerfully firm and assertive. I ask them for babysitting sometimes yes sometimes no. Love that when they do it I know they really want to do it.

Unassertive martyrdom where you say yes but resent it and they don't know you are peed off because you haven't said is the absolute worst outcome. If any chance you can't just say no end of.

Original poster

4seasons · 11/01/2015 09:47

We live quite a distance away from them so can't help out with day to day childcare ( not sure we would want to on a regular basis). We do look after our grandchildren if their patents want the odd weekend away or there are work emergencies etc. but obviously don't do as much as many grandparents. We've had their dog ( who is lovely by the way ) for about a couple of weeks for the last three years when they are away. I'm probably overthinking this and shall just say that we don't mind for a long weekend ,but no longer ,as we might make plans ourselves.This might not go down well ....On the other hand they can't complain too much as we've also agreed to babysit so they can get away for a weekend without the children in a couple of weeks !

OP posts:

my2centsis · 11/01/2015 09:49

She was prob asking ahead so you don't start threads saying "my ds asked me last minute to dog sit" I can't wait to help my kids out when/if they need it

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 11/01/2015 10:14

Maybe they think if they went ahead and booked the dog into kennels , and paid a hefty non-refundable deposit you'd say:
"Why d'you put DDog in kennels, we'd have had him"
and think you'd be offended because it means they secretly don't trust you

Or they might just be entitled,skint flinty advantage takers

ZingTheGreat · 11/01/2015 11:09

YANBU

do no commit or say no now

ZingTheGreat · 11/01/2015 11:10

ffs

I meant there are 2 options:

1 don't commit
2 say no now

paxtecum · 11/01/2015 11:16

if you are retired surely you can go away anytime.
I suppose if you don't want to look after the dog then just say so.
Do you often go away at the last minute, especially at peak holiday times like Easter?
I don't think looking after a dog for two or three weeks each year when you are retired is excessive.

Trills · 11/01/2015 11:20

It's no unreasonable of them to ask.

It's not unreasonable of you to say "not sure" (if you would do it if you decide not to go away) or even "no" (if you don't want to do it either way).

LindyHemming · 11/01/2015 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PixieofCatan · 11/01/2015 11:29

A little cheeky but not unreasonable of them to ask as long as they don't get huffy if you say no! Looking after pets, especially something like a dog, can be quite intensive for somebody not used to having them.

Pet sitters can be bloody expensive so I can understand them asking, DPs Mum has offered to have our pets when we're on holiday before but we have a lovely pet sitter/boarding who we use for our piece of mind (experienced and close to our vet for when things go wrong!)

expatinscotland · 11/01/2015 11:30

YANBU. When you chose to get a dog you accept the cost of paying for their care when you are away. Just tell them no, you can't commit to that.

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