About the word fat around DD?

[Fanfeckintastic]

Genuinely not sure here.

DD is 3.7 and I have never used the word fat around her or ever really. It's just not a word I like because it seems to only be used to put yourself or other people down, it's rarely used in a positive context. Back story here is that I had a mother who called me fat from a very young age so maybe this is clouding my judgment.

DD would snack all day if she could but we get loads of exercise so she's fine for the moment but I reckon I'd have to keep a quiet eye on her diet. She has no concept that eating too much makes you fat etc and I'm not sure I want her to but on the other hand there's my friend who takes an entirely different approach which I admire in a weird way.

Friends DD is 4 and my friend will often tell her "you'll get a fat tummy like me if you keep eating like that", "all that food will make you fat" etc, now I don't like the self deprecating or giving her DD and unrealistic idea of fat because my friend definitely isn't fat but I do admire the jovial but factual and open casualness of it all.

I know it reads like a total non issue, it's only a word but really it's the host of other things that go along with that.

Apocalypse- you say young children can't be given the responsibility to gauge when they are full but that is the entire point of baby led weaning.

I don't want this to turn in to a FF/BF debate but one of the problems with FF is that you 'have to finish the bottle' that mindset gets moved on when baby's start weaning 'have to finish the jar' which moves on to childhood 'have to clear their plate' all the time over riding the child's natural stomach cues and stretching their stomachs to accommodate the full portion. Whereas baby's who are fed on demand and then baby led weaned are taught from the start to listen to their stomach and given that responsibility to gauge their own hunger and dietary needs from the moment they are born.

Again the point of this post isn't to turn it into a FF/BF debate but to illustrate that young children CAN gauge when they are hungry. It is very normal to snack all day, children have small stomachs and 3 meals a day isn't really practical.

Before my DD went to school and now when we are home I have a plate of snacks out raisins/fruit/breadsticks and she ignores it most of the day until she's pecklish and can help herself, she doesn't just scoff it all as soon as I put it out.

fanfeckintastic it's absolutely a term of endearment in Spain for a child, no negative connotations when used like that "ay mi gordita, te voy a comer" oooh my little fatty I could just eat you.

Apocalypse- you say young children can't be given the responsibility to gauge when they are full but that is the entire point of baby led weaning.

I'm not saying they don't know when they're full, I'm saying that they can't gauge how much of specific foods is the nebulous too much that makes you fat.

It's a different concept, although I do thank you for the extra effort you've gone to to inform me.

We concentrate on healthy and strong in our house . Someone called dd fat to the other day, dd is 8 the child is 4. Dd is far from it and very skinny. Thankfully she said " its rude to comment on appearance " As for treats and sweets the tooth fairy doesn't like rubbish teeth so we talk about sugar content rather than fat foods . I would say trust your instinct about how you deal with it.
We don't dish up in our house , the kids help themselves from bowls and serve themselves . They are actually fab for only eating til they are full, unlike me!!!!!!

Well it's not necessarily true. Many people have an unhealthy diet and don't show it by bring fat.

You are right about that, which is why explanations about healthy eating will require a lot more detail to be effective, but I already acknowledged that.

Secondly, it stigmatizes certain foods as villain foods and thirdly,

I'm ok with my children getting the message that some foods are only to be eaten in moderation, and that they are not suitable for eating as a meal. That doesn't make certain foods 'villains' but it does make them food that we have to think about before choosing to eat them.

it invites the small child to learn to judge other people and what they choose to eat by the appearance of their body.

Again, one sentence containing the word fat in amongst consistent and detailed explanations about healthy eating and being kind to other people, manners and appearances not being all that important is not going to do my children any harm IMO. My dc are older now, and are old enough to recognise that person A who is massively overweight has difficulties related to that and that person B who eats healthily and takes regular excercise sees the benefits from their lifestyle. My children know that some people have genuine difficulty with their weight because of medical illnesses or psychological issues, but that some people are overweight because they choose to eat too much and that's fine by me.

I agree with the point made about how avoiding using the word fat gives it more power than it's worthy of.

I have worked with children with eating disorders in the past. I don't think the word "fat" is at all helpful, much better to emphasise the imprtance of being "healthy" rather than appearance/body shape. In my experience it's also unhelpful to talk about "good" foods and "bad" foods as children can be very literal. I have known children as young as 7 start to severely restrict their diet following lessons on healthy eating at school where foods were labeled as "bad" or likely to make you fat. Much better to say "these are every day foods" (protein,veggies, fruit etc) and these are for once in a while or "occasional treats" (crisps, ice-cream etc) as it promotes the idea that everything is OK in moderation.

It did, fluffling, you expressed it very well.

The problem with puncturing the "power" of words is that I wouldn't attempt that with a three- or four-year-old, basically. It's a great idea in theory, and I'm happy to use the word cunt among friends. But small children don't understand the weight of certain words and are too black-and-white, in my view, to give their use due thought. Which is the reason I also wouldn't use a word like crap, or idiot, or dumb, in my child's presence, even though they are not [necessarily] swearing: she is not old enough to know or understand when/if at all it is appropriate to use them. They are not necessarily very good examples, but off the top of my head. I just think there are better ways of saying some things - at that age, particularly.

My DM and GM have called me fat for as long as I can remember. I have a pretty unhealthy relationship with food because of it. I am either binging or starving myself.
I look back at pictures of how I was and I was just a normal child!! I know for a fact that if no one had made an issue about my weight I wouldn't have such a complex today.

Choose your words carefully

I actually don't agree , and also have a rather rotund child of same age . No concern when they weighed him ( allegedly as I was not there !) but I think vigilance needed. Our technique has been eat less , move more.

But on TV there are a lot of weight loss programmes so we can look and have simple conversation about it , in a very matter of fact way.

Not inferring any negativity but simply stating it's not that healthy and you get fat from xxxx

But . If the term has negative inferences for people for the examples stated so completely not BU to want to avoid the term

For some it is a word and for some a cruel insult .

In a society where obesity is on the rise, as are eating disorders, I think it'd be damn foolish to say "eating too many biscuits will make you fat". There are so many better ways of conveying a message about portion control. Parental attitude to food do contribute towards eating disorders in young adolescents.

I am saddened to hear people telling pre school aged children about 'fat', they will hear this message over and over as older children. Let them kids and educate them about healthy eating.

Why is 'eating too many biscuits will make you fat' so much worse than 'jumping in that puddle will make you wet' or rolling on the ground like that will make you muddy'?

Because you don't need to jump in the puddle or roll on the ground but you do need to eat. And how do you know if your child is hungry or not? In my experience children's apetites go up and down quite dramatically with growth spurts.

At 7 or 8 I would expect a hungry child to appreciate they should only have one biscuit and maybe an apple too but the OPs daughter is 3 and we've been talking about toddlers.

You don't need to eat biscuits though. There are plenty of other choices that would be better for a hungry child.

I think it would be much worse to allow a child to think it's ok to eat as many biscuits as they want until they feel full up than it is to teach them that its ok and completely natural to feel hungry sometimes. It is not good for people to believe that they should eat whatever they want whenever they want just because they feel a bit hungry, and the fact that people do believe that is probably a big part of why so many people are overweight.

I just don't believe that a hungry three year old should say no to the offer of a biscuit because it might make them fat.

I grew up in a house where my mother had a terrible body image, and still does. I don't want my daughter growing up thinking it's ok to be that insecure about yourself.

That said, I will be giving her healthy foods and teaching her about health. If she's healthy, a healthy weight will logically follow.

That's not what anyone's trying to argue though.

A three year old should be being offered something other than a biscuit if they are hungry anyway, but whether the are hungry or not, it's not one biscuit that's a problem. It's when they want to eat six and then need an explanation as to why they can't. 'It will make you fat if you eat lots of biscuits' is a good enough explanation for a three year old. When they are older, then they can have the explanation about sugar levels, obesity, diabetes etc when they want to eat too many biscuits.

I am very careful to educate my dad that certain foods will make her grow and others won't as they don't have the right vitamins and minerals to help her grow/run fast/learn to read etc, she's 5 now

Would never use the word fat really