WIBU to say I wasn't happy with nursery?

[weeinmyshoes]

This has been bugging me. I collected DD from her nursery yesterday. She had been in a new room for the first time as a settling in session before she moves up.

She has been reliably dry for the past three weeks 90% but obviously is at the 'tail end of toilet training'. In this room she had two accidents (this I'm ok with, I understand it is different for her. The toilet is in a different place and there a new exciting distractions) BUT

The nursery has a policy of wearing slippers indoors. They allowed my DD (in the new room) to wear her new shoes. They are a pair of leather clarks shoes. She has worn them twice between home and nursery doors. The member of staff said she had wee wee'd in her shoes. I asked why did she have them on. I was told one of her slippers is missing I said I wasnt happy about this. They handed me the shoes that had been drying out under a radiator and put them in a bag. At this stage I assumed the shoes were soiled and possibly ruined. I wasnt sure if I could clean them. They did not say if they had cleaned them. So I said again' I wasnt happy as they were expensive shoes.'

I do not put my child in anything I am not prepared to have damaged or ruined due to messy play outdoor play. My understanding was the shoes were not being worn indoors due to their slipper policy.

The deputy manager rang me to say she had a very upset member of staff in tears because I had been rude. I do not feel I was rude. I did not get ranty or accusatory or raise my voice in any way. I just simply said twice I was not happy about a pair of soiled shoes. I explained this to the deputy manager. I also said I was not aware of missing slippers (that they have lost) which I could have replaced. I did say I was sorry to hear the member of staff was upset. She also told me that the shoes had only walked through the wee - this is not what was said to me at handover.

1. WIBU to have said I wasnt happy about the soiled shoes to member of staff

1. AIBU now to been feeling uncomfortable after the phone call - it makes me feel like I shouldnt say anything about whatever in future!

1. WWYD would you apologise or smooth it over or just go in and smile and get on it with.

So a slipper went missing and she wet herself while wearing her shoes. I feel sorry for the staff at the nursery if you continue in this manner.

Seriously, the manager couldn't possibly have over-reacted? I think s/he could have. Did she say what you were supposed to have said that was so rude?

YABU. you over reacted. I personally would have waited until I got home, checked out the shoes. if they were damaged beyond repair I would have been annoyed and complained at nursery the next day. what do you think could have happened to them? as it stands I think expensive Clark's shoes can stand up to a bit of wee. yes it's annoying that she was wearing them instead of slippers but presuming it had only gone missing that day, would you really want a phonecall to tell you at work?! what are you meant to do. I used to work at a nursery and I would have found you unreasonable.

Buy her some crocs. All shoes will get wee'd on if your child is toilet training. She could just as well have had an accident while wearing them outside.

Children who were toilet training at my DS's nursery got asked to bring in plastic sandals to wear for this reason. That'd be better than slippers IMO.

How do you know that the slipper didn't go missing this morning? These things are always disappearing in nurseries and your DD could easily have wet herself outside in her expensive shoes. Massive over reaction on your part and yes you will be 'that' parent now. Nursery nurses work bloody hard, my concern would be the welfare of my child, which I assume you are happy with, not a pair of shoes that had trodden in wee.

fabulous cross posted!

Great minds....

Hmm I think there are mixed things on both sides of all this - I did feel uncomfortable after the phonecall.
Ling - yeah I did say about being in socks and that I would replace the slippers if I had known.

hmm yeah communication to me and between the old room and the new room.

I think I'll apologise properly and explain that I thought I was going to have to replace shoes after only being worn twice.* That it is unfortunte about the slippers which is not their (the new rooms fault) and DD has new ones now. Sorry that we've got off on the wrong foot and Ive only ever queried anything once. Im not cross with anyone just the shoes - DD enjoyed her settling in session and they you were happy with her which is the main thing - not a pair of shoes.

I thought if leather shoes were soiled inside with pee that I wouldnt be able to clean them and they would smell in the future and not exactly hygenic. I think I kept DS in his crocs while potty training him a while back so not really come acorss this wee in shoe business before.

i amVERY shocked to hear the deputy rang you in these circumstances- especially with her negative tone. i am the deputy manager at a pre school and there is NO WAY we would make a parent feel like they're wrong (wed simply have a moan after work and then gloss over it).

i think you should address the situation. simply ask to speak to both members of staff together that have already dealt with the situation. tell them
1 member of staff didn't explain situation very well
2 you're sorry if you were rude but the slipper policy has always be enforced until now so you'd not thought of bringing spare or that shoes would get ruined so easily
3 have they found the slippers or should you replace them
4 do NOT apologise to deputy. if she continues negatively i would simply remind them that she should treat you how she'd like her staff to b treated- with respect.

even if you are "that" parent, every manager should address concerns politely.

Honestly you don't need to throw out the shoes. If you are that worried scrub them out with a solution of bio. How can the wee get anywhere that won't also be reached by the enzymes that are specifically designed for this?? But a rinse and a thorough dry is fine.

She could easily have had an accident when playing outdoors, with you, anywhere. More likely outside really as she'll be further from a loo. It's only wee.

I recently put my 2 year old DS's leather Startrite shoes in the washing machine on a gentle cycle and they are fine.

Sorry OP I didn't read your last post thoroughly enough. Ignore my last

Iv just started DS at nursery, if I was made to feel at all uncomfortable for any of my views as a parent on how he should be cared for then I would be upset.

You may be being a bit unrealistic or even precious but I would expect a nursery worker to tactfully and supportively help you come around to this - not make it into a big deal and you get effectively "told off" for expressing how you feel.

I'm a nervous parent, so far DS nursery has driven home the point that DS is my child and I'm within my right to state whatever I like regarding his care. They did ask that I don't send him in expensive clothing and said "anything you'll be upset if it gets ruined please don't send him in" from the start... Which I think is fair.

Unless you really did intimidate a worker and explode on her (but I have no reason to disbelieve you so replying accordingly)

soup I never said I was right. Ive posted to see if I am indeed BU. I have NC just in case someone from the nursery sees the this thread and it outs me which Im ok with - but I wouldnt want them to see other info I have posted elsewhere on MN that I would rather be kept personal.

Oh I so dont want to be that parent but apparently I am being unreasonable. I will as I've said apologise.

I was surprise the deputy rang - to be fair she is a v nice women who I have known for over 5 years. I have been more than happy for my DD to be under her care. I do appreciate what the nursery do for my DD - she has been very happy there. Just because i may have handled this wrong does not mean I do not appreciate everythign else they do.

loletta - thank heavens you've pointe that out I best not say that.

accidents with recently potty trained children can happen anywhere at any time in any circumstance.

There will be many other children. If ones crying or hurt that will take precedent over calling someone about a slipper.

buy some cheap shoes and send in cheap clothes.

OP truly, the shoes will be fine. Let them dry out and they won't smell at all. If she had socks on, most of the wee will have been soaked up by the socks anyway. It's not like they've sat in a sink full of wee for an afternoon

Yeah, I bet they're kicking themselves now that they didn't just say she'd wet herself outdoors.

I''m happy to report there are not smells comming from the porch where said shoes are. I suppose this isnt really about the shoes though is it.

It's about me and whether I should have said anything and then feeling a bit ticked off for doing so.

Every child wee s in their shoes. Quick rinse, no issue. Our nursery asked for crocs or similar at that stage. We had canvas pumps too. God smacked that it's an issue for anyone

Yes I think you were being unreasonable i'm afraid. Kids that age are going to wee in their shoes. Just accept it. Blaming the nursery staff is a bit OTT. Slippers are going to get mislaid from time to time - it's only natural when there are so many kids. I would apologise if I were you.

Just wait until they are at school. My 4 yr old has ruined 2 pairs of next trousers only in the last 2 weeks. Nobody's fault - I have just learnt I should get his uniform from ASDA.

Op
I really think this manager is brilliant in standing up for their staff . You weren't given a brush off and a false smile . I also think their slipper policy is great . So much cleaner and better for feet .
Chill about a bit of pee-easily cleaned . You need to assess the important issues . Is your dd happy? Damp shoes are irrelevant if the answers yes .

I feel like a bloody idiot now - thanks for all the insight and advice.

Ive tried doing some study in-between now and last post but I admit this is causing me some anxiety about what I'm going to say. Now they think im that parent.