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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for kicking my husband out..

132 replies

natural123 · 10/01/2015 20:23

I've just come home to find my DH and his two friends huddled around the cat blowing spliff smoke in his face. I gave him his marching orders and told him not to come back. He knows not to smoke in the house, I think he was showing off. Am I being unreasonable not to let him back home?

OP posts:
rockinrobintweet · 10/01/2015 20:48

i empathise with you. in our younger days my DH and i went through a rough patch as i caught him sniffing cocaine on a number of occasions (considerably worse that dope!). we didn't have any dc at the time and i know he was 'going through a phase'.

many many moons later were still standing strong with some beautiful dc to show for it. talking. listening and me giving silent treatment helped considerably. he NEVER bought it into our home though. that would have changed everything!

joanne1947 · 10/01/2015 20:48

But yeah it's fine because Joanne has seen someone forcing drink down a dog. Erm. Ok.
I did NOT say it was acceptable, I do not think it is acceptable, I said it happens and while it is wrong it is not, in my opinion, a reason to end a marriage if it happens once.

ilovesooty · 10/01/2015 20:50

Yes joanne1947 but you seem to think smoking weed in the family home is no big deal.

YouTheCat · 10/01/2015 20:52

I think cruelty to animals is a huge deal breaker. I couldn't ever have a relationship with someone who is cruel.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 10/01/2015 20:53

What else will he do to impress his mates? Or does he just enjoy torturing animals?

HighwayDragon · 10/01/2015 20:53

I'd also be furious at smoking in the house.

iklboo · 10/01/2015 20:54

His mate egged him on? What next - some bigger boys made him do it? Sheesh.

Nicola19 · 10/01/2015 20:54

Weed can make people pretty aggressive, Joanne, if paranoia and psychosis results.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 10/01/2015 20:55

Maaaaan I got to get me some Dreamies...

On a serious note, I'd be just as disgusted as if I'd walked in and found him blowing cannabis smoke at my child. But who wants to be married to a druggie anyway?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/01/2015 20:56

I disagree, Joanne - I think cruelty to an animal is an excellent reason to end a marriage! It would be a complete deal breaker for me.

BIWI · 10/01/2015 20:57

Well, what an interesting first post.

joanne1947 · 10/01/2015 20:58

Yes joanne1947 but you seem to think smoking weed in the family home is no big deal.
Exactly, "the family home", what right has the OP to chuck her husband out of his home. Why did she not leave if she dislikes the way he treats his home. FAMILY is the word, families make mistakes, they forgive, they sort it out they do not give up easily. A family is several people, what do the other family members think?

helenenemo · 10/01/2015 20:59

Not unreasonable at all. I've had gone with punching him square in the face.

ilovesooty · 10/01/2015 21:00

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who abused an animal and the weed in the family home for me makes it even worse.

ilovesooty · 10/01/2015 21:02

I think she had every right to boot him out for the animal cruelty but should have expressing concerns about weed in the house if it's happened previously and made it clear that the friend who thinks he's Bob Marley shouldn't be supplying it in their home.

HaroldLloyd · 10/01/2015 21:03

Why don't you have a quick family vote with the kids then about what they think about dad blowing weed into tiddles face?

sliceofsoup · 10/01/2015 21:04

I absolutely cannot abide cannabis, or cruelty to animals. But I think that your marriage deserves there to be a discussion about this before you kick him out for good. People make mistakes and unless this is a regular occurrence I think you need to give him a chance to apologise and right his ways.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 10/01/2015 21:08

A family is several people, what do the other family members think?

Does the cat get a vote?

HaroldLloyd · 10/01/2015 21:10

Cat says peeeeeaaaacccce out man and pass me the crisps.

BuzzardBird · 10/01/2015 21:13

Have you namechanged for this OP?

SuggestmeaUsername · 10/01/2015 21:13

If this was a one off incident, as awful as it was, I think it requires further discussion rather than outright ending of your marriage. He needs to admit that his behaviour was cruel, immature, unreasonable and that he is sorry and that it wont happen again. also he needs to know that if he does anything like this again, it could cause the end of the marriage, as could smoking dope again.

Original poster
natural123 · 10/01/2015 21:15

Thanks for all you replies. I don't expect he will be home any time soon but I've text him saying that we need a serious talk in the morning. Hopefully he'll be feeling sorry for himself with a bad hangover. Still not sure if I can accept him doing it, but in the words of Bob Marley... Don't worry, about a thing, cos every little thing is gunna be alright.

OP posts:
AlorsMeh · 10/01/2015 21:17

Really OP? Is this for real. The dope smoking wouldn't bother me but blowing smoke in a cats face, after being 'egged on' by pals - that surely didn't happen, it's just toooooo ignorant for words. Are you making it up?????

Hoppinggreen · 10/01/2015 21:18

Make your DH eat a packet of Dreamies and call it equal??
Joking aside, I would be really annoyed, cruelty to animals is unacceptable ( even if it's through stupidity)

weaselsquirrel · 10/01/2015 21:27

I think this may be a wind up, a very poor one. But I can't abide animal cruelty or smoking let alone drugs.