To request the door ajar?

[Guiltypleasures001]

Okie doke here goes.

Vipers I need your counsel,

So as not to drip feed my work involves various areas of child protection, so I probably have a heightened sense of ethics and safety and probably drive him mad.

Ds 16 has announced there's a girl coming to ours this weekend
For film watching and music listening, all this I'm cool with its a first for him so I imagine he's quite chuffed. The thing is said girl is in yr 9 so is 14 and he has always steered clear of this age group.

I trust ds completely but I've requested he leaves his bedroom door ajar, he has gone bonkers as he says we will hear them talking.
She's 14 and my training is clouding my judgement, I'm just trying to keep everyone safe.

I always had to do this when I was younger but I was 13/14 and the boys were normally 16.

Am I wrong, I have a large shed at the bottom of the garden and the family joke is that I get locked in there when he starts bringing girls home.

Dons hard hat and warms popcorn in advance

I'm with Sidge . Insisting he shuts his door is giving him the message that you don't trust him/them. Or that you expect that they'll be getting sexually active because that's normal for kids their age. But like Sidge I'd be offering cups of tea, hoovering outside the door, putting laundry away in the airing cupboard (beside his bedroom) etc. In effect they'd have some privacy but never really know when you're likely to knock then come straight into his room

I'd really want to talk to her mum if possible to ask her how she feels. If she says no to the door being closed that's the end of it - the girl's parents should have the final word as she's underage, unlike your DS. You could insist that you speak to the mum first or that she comes to the door when she drops off her DD.

Ohh! I've just read that she slept with her last BF! I'd be very uncomfortable with them being in his bedroom for long.

Hey vipers

Thanks all for the input, just an update it's now a moot point
Because and drum roll he's told me he has dumped her. I really really hate that word, anyways now apparently it's him and 3 friends playing cards against humanity in my kitchen Sunday afternoon.

Oh joy

What a relief!

Yup as the mum of a slightly older teen I've learnt not to worry about things until they're about to happen. Because with teens their plans are extremely subject to change. Except if you don't think about them and how you'll deal with it, that'll be the time they get themselves organised to do something worrying....

If I were this girl's mum I'd be very grateful that you felt responsible for my DD in this situation. I started several threads about my 15YO's slightly older BF whose mum seemed to let him do whatever he wanted, regardless of the fact I clearly wasn't happy about it. In the unlikely-- event of DS having a Gf before he's 16 I'll be making sure her mum is happy with any arrangements.

I'd be that relieved I'd make sure the snacks were their favourites

However, 'door ajar' is perfectly reasonable for next time. Even if they are both 16. If they're worried about being overheard talking, they can go to a cafe, park, bus stop! There's nothing they should be doing in your home, that they need the door shut for.

It was my Dad's rule when I was a young teen and at 14 certainly limited the opportunities I had for indulging in what my hormones felt was a good idea . Of course my boyfriends Mum was never home...so...

Definitely ajar. You are right, you don't know her and you have to protect both of them.

I remember when I was 16, my mum and dad said to me if I ever felt uncomfortable, to use them as a 'get out clause'. By this I mean something like 'oh my mum's really harsh and won't let me...' Even if not true. Why not make an agreement like this with your DS and then neither of you will be upset if and I mean IF things do get uncomfortable and he needs to use it. I did get into a tricky situation and used my get out clause once so I was very grateful for it. Even if he doesn't need it, then he knows that he can and will make him feel safe.

Well that solves that. Fwiw when I was that age my hormones were all over the place and I was desperate to be snogged etc. My parents let the door be shut and looking back with the considerable benefit of hindsight I wish they hadn't. Though I'd have been cross with them at the time. Don't demonize this young girl for having done it once though.

Blondie that sounds great and I am saving it up.

Hah gotta love fickle teens!!

When I was younger I was allowed boys over but like everyone else - it was door open or door came off!!!

YANBU

Oh ffs picking up the fickle teen quote,

Yes it's back on, apparently the door was acceptable in the end
But she's getting a bus over, and her mum might not know she's coming here

I'm reserving judgement I've been told it's on a friends basis at the moment so rest assured there will much eye rolling and I'm not happy to report that he wants my iPad for netflix

On this basis I'm thinking of having a mumsnet coffee afternoon and feel free to bring your own hoovers Gin and naice ham sandwiches will be supplied.

Mwahhahaha

good luck (for you not your DS)

Ach, bugger. Tell him that anything less than an adults head width open and the door comes off there and then . I bet his mates are thrilled at the on/off nature of all of this. Maybe you should text them, tell them to come over

He could 'want' all he liked. It's My ipad!

Oh no! Perhaps you could start baking something that smells extremely appetising and tempt them downstairs for some of it! Then just after they go back to his room you could secretly phone his gps requesting that they phone your DS! Sorry that's the best I can come up with!

Semi-seriously though - if you're not keen on her, pretend that you think she's great. Nothing like an overenthusiastic parent to put a teenager off a gf/bf. Praise her to the skies. Go on and on to the gps about how DS has a lovely gf. Say how cute they are etc.