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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not cuddle my 4wo baby...

28 replies

hotfuzzra · 07/01/2015 14:32

... in the middle of changing her at a children's centre weigh in?
I turned up, had to wake sleepy baby who turned into screamy baby, and whilst I was wrestling my octopus' baby's limbs out of her shackles sleepsuit the HV said 'Do you want to pick her up and cuddle her?' I just said 'No I'll cuddle her in a minute, let's just get her weighed!'
But ever since I have been thinking should I have?!
WIBU? Was it a pointed suggestion from HV and I have been neglecting her?! If I picked her up to cuddle her every time she screamed mid change she'd never have a clean nappy on! I do lean over and kiss her, and did earlier iirc.

OP posts:
MagratsHair · 07/01/2015 14:33

No what you did is fine, don't overthink it :)

LettuceAndPotatoes · 07/01/2015 14:34

YANBU, I am a firm believer in get done what needs doing and give a cuddle afterwards!

weeblueberry · 07/01/2015 14:35

What you did was fine. Don't worry Smile

I think the HV was just giving you an out in case her crying was upsetting you.

MrsTawdry · 07/01/2015 14:36

YANBU. It's fine. She at least offered you the chance as some Mums would want to due to feeling anxious.

I remember when DD had to go on a heart monitor...newborn...to check a murmer out and I said "I'm not going in there."

I just could not look at my new baby covered in wires! They were sticking them on...and DH went....but the nurse looked at me so dreadfully that I wanted to shout at her. DD was fine by the way.

fishfingerSarnies · 07/01/2015 14:36

Nbu at all you just wanted to get on with it and get out.
If you'd picked her up a cuddled her she'd just have cried again when you finished stripping her and sticking her in the cold weighing basket.
You can't cuddle them every time they cry you just have to get on and do stuff.

ChunkyPickle · 07/01/2015 14:36

I'd have done the same (in fact, I'm pretty sure I did) - they're not going to calm down until their dressed back up and happy, so just get the weighing over and done with so I can get them dressed and then I'll cuddle theme.

youmakemydreams · 07/01/2015 14:36

YANBU with my 3 I always went for the why drag out the torture approach. Mid change no point in picking them up cuddling them, settling then to then put them down and make them cry again. Get it all put the road then give them a lovely cuddle.

Annietheacrobat · 07/01/2015 14:38

Really don't read too much into this She was probably just giving you option in case you wanted to.

DartmoorDoughnut · 07/01/2015 14:39

YANBU

You comforted her and got her redressed asap, its bloody freezing! My poor wee boy has had a horrible cold and hates having his nose cleared, has to be done though!

lightbulbisbright · 07/01/2015 14:39

Yes don't read too much into it I'm sure she was just giving you the option.

canweseethebunnies · 07/01/2015 14:41

Maybe she just wanted to let you know you could if you wanted to?

PetraStrorm · 07/01/2015 14:43

I remember taking DS to have a blood test when he was about 18 months old. As I held him he was getting more and more upset, and the nurse was getting more and more hesitant and kept asking me if I wanted to calm him down first. I knew he wouldn't calm down till it was over. I felt like a monster but I insisted on basically clamping him to me while she took the blood as quickly as possible rather than draw out the agony. Sure enough he was fine and dandy 2 minutes after she'd finished.

Don't beat yourself up OP, sounds like you made the right decision for you and your baby.

RoganJosh · 07/01/2015 14:44

I think HV was just letting you know that you were 'allowed' to.

Theboodythatrocked · 07/01/2015 14:47

And remember if you are happy with your baby you don't have to go to clinics anyway. It's not the law. Personallly I avoided HV like the plague

ToffeeCaramel · 07/01/2015 14:49

There wasn't much point in you trying to comfort your dd when she would only start crying again once you went back to undressing her for the weigh in. You could have ended up being there a long time if you carried on like that. Grin Better to get it over as quickly as possible like you were trying to, so you could get on and dress her and cuddle her. Thanks

Original poster
hotfuzzra · 07/01/2015 14:56

Thanks, I was fairly confident at the time and as many of you say it doesn't make much sense to attempt to calm down mid-carnage!
It was just afterwards I was thinking should I be doing this? Is this what everyone does?
It seems I'm ok! Thanks everyone

OP posts:
msgrinch · 07/01/2015 15:15

yadnbu Smile congratulations on your new baby. Thanks

ppeatfruit · 07/01/2015 15:25

no YANBU but how come you had to undress her anyway ? I never had to do it with all my 3 it's not nec.. unless there's a dirty nappy involved. Grin

EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 07/01/2015 15:28

being weighed always made my eldest scream so I would have told her to get on with it.

(I no longer have anything to do with health visitors either)

Whippet81 · 07/01/2015 15:31

YANBU I have a particularly patronising HV who likes to over emphasise the fact that I need to give 'lots of cuddles'. My 12 week old has hysterics every time I have the nerve to dress him and I go with the 'get it over with' approach now.

Original poster
hotfuzzra · 07/01/2015 15:43

ppeatfruit Oh god, Ive had two home visits where they took her clothes and nappy off, when I went out to the centre I didn't even ask, just started stripping her off!! Should have looked at the other mums...
I suppose it makes sense, there could be a few ounces of clothing and heavy nappy potentially?

OP posts:
knackered69 · 07/01/2015 16:07

I remember going on a very early post natal visit to see our GP. Ds1 started to cry and GP asked me if I wanted to feed him. I was a bit hesitant cos was still very new to bf at that point, and was all fingers and thumbs and worried whether he'd latch on ok..

By the time I'd struggled with my nursing bra and the harness on his car seat, he really was quite cross! (Ds1) As I tried to latch him on, a soggy cabbage leaf fell out of my bra and plopped onto the surgery carpet. My GP dutifully bent down to pick it up - just as my let down reflex went quite lively and gracefully arced into the doctors hair.

I bet he wishes he'd never said owt...

Original poster
hotfuzzra · 07/01/2015 16:09

Ha legend, that's the best BF tale I've ever heard! Poor knackered!

OP posts:
fishfingerSarnies · 07/01/2015 16:52

I've always been told to strip dd off or I did the one time I went anyway...

ftmsoon · 07/01/2015 17:15

I have stripped off DD for all her weighings, as have all the mums around me.
However YANBU, cuddles afterwards.