to find it annoying when guests start eating before the host has finished serving

[carlajean]

We had a big (13 guests) family party over Xmas. It was cold food, so there was no concern about hot food going cold, but some people couldn't wait to start eating. I think it's greedy and rude not to wait until everybody's been served, especially as some people have almost finished by the time the host gets their own food. Why can't people wait for a few minutes?

There's a simple answer Imperial. Don't put the plates out until you've got all the food on the table.

Personally it annoys the hell out if me when I have carefully balanced all the timing so that everything reaches the plate hot only to realise everyone's patiently letting it get cold while I serve drinks.

Bloody idiotic tradition and not worth hanging on to IMO

People hare being the first one up at the buffet.

If they are stuffing their faces before its even properly ready then you have mis judged timings immensely. that's the hosts fault not the guests.

hate

I agree, however I also think it's rude to MAKE people wait and not say 'please start' or something similar...

It depends on who you're with. Of course the correct thing is to wait till everyone is seated. But those faffers jumping up and down to get this or do that. It's really annoying when I want to eat.

ConferencePear, I'm talking about people who don't wait for plates and will start to eat the food regardless - nicking sandwiches, sausage rolls, etc.

Giles, that might be the case at a wedding etc but it's certainly not the case in places where I've worked!

Yanbu!!

My grandma and sister did this to my mum on Xmas day, while my 9 and 5 year old sat patiently waiting for my mum to sit down and get her own food. I was very prickly but kept my mouth shut as I'm pregnant so was the only one not drinking, thought I might be overreacting. It is just so, so rude. As pointed out by the 5 year old, who has less tact than her elder sister - "Aunty Rosie, Mummy says that is very rude to eat before everyone else has got their food", followed by a pointed look.
Cue sniggering DH, and blushes from me haha. Oh well, family eh?!

I porganise meals so that I put all the serving dishes on the table; takes 30 secs and they have lids to keep in heat. Last of all the plates. Just habit, as my guests are always civilised adults.

Though I was once a guest at a roast dinner when a technically adult lifted off lids and ate a Yorshire with horseradish sauce in his fingers, the instant the dish was on the table.

organise < smacks iPad >

It is rude, but I would usually expect a host in a group of 13 to ask people to start at some point (maybe when roughly half the people had been served).

You have to remember though that people travel a long way fir things. Some will have small children who are already way past lunch time.

only to be told, having not eaten for hours, they still have to wait while people fanny about throwing garnishes over platters is in itself rude tbh

It is a British thing though, not universal.
When I was living with Italian archaeologists during a dig they thought it was very sweetly over-polite the way I waited for everyone to be served!

Yes I've been in a few otherwise lovely restaurants in Italy, where they serve side dishes and such at 5 minute intervals anyway. Apparently you should just start eating.

I agree that it's rude, but you can't let these things get to you. We're all brought up differently (some better than others!), and not everyone has the same standards or understanding of etiquette or manners.

That said, I'm disgusted every time i go to my DPs family's house. They have no table manners whatsoever; never show appreciation for the food, chomp away with mouths agape, leave the table periodically and on a whim, and never help with clearing the table or washing dishes.

Snobbery aside, I genuinely see this as poor parenting. Basic social skills and manners need to be taught to children in order that they have every opportunity to succeed in life. No matter how bright a child is, failure to grasp these kind of basic social mores will make an Oxbridge education problematic to say the least; not to mention surviving the dinners when training for The Bar.

Unfortunately, the classist and elitist nature of our society does mean that bad table manners can literally hold you back in life.

Dh is always first to fill his face with food, anyone else doesn't occur to him. I hide food now or i'll go to get a biscuit and the entire packet will be gone!

His family meals are a bit free for all though. If you don't get in there and eat it someone else will.

Best meal was when his mum did a big buffet for a family occasion. Told us to come round at 5. We turned up at 4.45 to find everyone had eaten - sil was hungry, apparently, so they'd just started without us. Just a few soggy veg left to feed to adults and 2 small children (who were starving because tea is usually 4.30 for them...)

I don't think that poor table manners and lack of social graces are the preserve of the working classes though: I know quite a few middle class families who cheerfully tolerate their children behaving in an utterly churlish way because they are such a sensitive flower.

Disclaimer: definitely NT children, no mitigating additional needs.

YANBU! It's extremely rude and really annoys me.

My in laws do this in restaurants! They do not wait for everyone's food to be brought, they just tuck in as soon as they get their plate. I hate it, but they all do it and I'm the odd one out, so I just have to suck it up.

FIL and BIL do this, I find it so rude.

Yes, sometimes I've had people start helping themselves before I've finished cooking/preparing the food and before I've said the food is ready. Very irritating

Doesn't bother me at all. I would see it as a compliment that people were so eager to eat the food I had provided. I cannot be bothered with etiquette for the sake of etiquette.

Also, why wait in restaurants and let your food go cold because not everyone has their meal yet. If you are in a large group then you could be waiting some considerable time. Get on and enjoy, that is what I say.

My parents used to tell us other things too, like if we were eating soup and a bread roll we could only tear our bread into our soup at home, but not if out in a restaurant. Then, we had to eat them separately. It is a rule I have discarded as an adult. After all, you are sometimes served soup with croutons in it, so what's the difference. I don't see things like that as offensive.

MIL had scarfed a whole bowl of trifle before I'd returned from the kitchen with the Xmas pud on Christmas Day. I was livid (was already livid as she'd had 3 portions of breadth meat after I'd spent sat before boning and stuffing a turkey as "I only like dark meat"

I think it's incredibly rude. Dh's family are the worst for this, heads down, scoffing their dinner the second their plates hit the table, like someone is going to steal it from them. I have now taken to serving them last and only putting cutlery out when I am sitting at the table and ready to eat.

Gileswithachainsaw A good way to start teaching chidren that they have to wait for others. They are not at the front of the world. It's not comfortable at first but it will come...