17 yr Olds

[Weathergames]

I work with teenagers so am pretty familiar with their psyche/what they get up to etc (and used to be a drugs worker - this is relevant).

Although with DS1 (who is now 17 and in yr 12 - first yr of college) it's the first time I've had my own 17 yr old.

He is normally lovely, polite, kind and caring. He has however always been extremely lazy laid back.

He could have done well at school but managed 3 GCSE's above a C and didn't get into 6th form so is doing a p/to course at college.

He had a job in retail which he hated and kept ringing in sick etc (was weekends and said it ruined his social life ) so now has a p/t job in a fast food place - fine.

He's out and about with all his mates and often doesn't let me know if he needs to eat (forgets the rule dinner is at 6.30 if you don't let me know you don't get any) and all he is interested in is going to gigs, smoking weed and going to parties.

Having kept a tight leash on him during school to produce very poor results I am trying to give him a bit of freedom.

What has pissed me off tonight is that he does fuck all the bare minimum around the house (I work full time and my partner not his dad in forces) and he's on FB moaning in the most appalling English how bored he's going to be on his day off college tomorrow. I have pulled him up on this (not the English) and he was really rude to me and told me to stop stalking him on FB.

Please tell me what rules/boundaries you have for your 17 yr olds am I or is he BU?

I want him to be free but to continue to respect me and the boundaries here (he is eldest of 3 and OH also has 3 DC).

1. Massive infringement of his rights to read his FB unles he has agreed. I wouldn't dream of it. I've had 3 17 year olds so far and two more shortly to come.
2. Mine all went to university so he sounds like a different sort from ours. 17 for us means passing driving test, lots of taking them out on driving practice etc. And getting good A levels. I went to university aged 17 actually.
3. Find out what he likes. It's hard to know what career to do particularly if you have really bad GCSE results. He may need to have a year abroad. Can you ship him off to somewhere like Chile on one of those gap year things?

A) He's 17. Whilst I wasn't like this at his age, most kids do have the 'useless' period where they're still growing up and deciding what they're doing with their life.

B) At least he's furthering his education at college, which is a good thing and shows he's at least trying.

C) Why in God's name do you have him on Facebook? I don't even have my mum now and I'm nearly 22! Give him a bit of privacy - most kids are complaining about how bored they are in terrible English. It's what teenagers do (although I think at his age I was in my "quoting philosophers" stage because I thought I was cool).

My daughter is similar.
Did ok gcses, could have done brilliantly. 3 months into college threatens to quit every other day. I'm currently ill in bed and both days back so far just a stream of texts saying she's quitting. It's hard but she is also very very lazy.
I have no advice, just despair. and place marking so someone can give us the answers

I have an 18 year old and a 16 year old plus 3 younger children.

All mine that have FB accounts added me and they're Dad as soon as they got them.They're choice we didn't make them.

Our oldest messed about at the end of school,he's really bright as well.He regrets it now which is one good thing,so he's looking at College.

He started smoking after he hit 18,which has really pissed me and his Dad of but not weed.I'd go through the roof if he did.He's trying to quit smoking as he's said himself it's bloody stupid that he started smoking at all.

Our oldest loves working outside the house,he's a lazy little bugger at home.When he's working he works really hard,much harder than a lot of people twice his age.That's one thing I'm thankful for.

With us I know it's my fault he doesn't do much at home because I always did everything for all my children.But I have given him a kick up the arse about being lazy just lately and he has started helping out with bits and pieces.

The thing is we're really open with our children,we always have been.They know they can tell us anything and everything and they do.

I know how far both the oldest two have gone with girlfriends.We know all they're friends,any stupid stuff they've done and there's been plenty.

We know if they've been offered drugs,if they've been tempted.We know about any drinking,anything they've done they tell us.They're friends are all the same,were the parents they come to if they're worried about something big that's going on in they're life's.

I could never be that open with either of my parents!That's why I chose to have a completely different relationship with my children.
It's hard as they get older because you have to learn to start to respect they're boundaries and you have to learn to start to treat them like adults.I just look back to when I was a teenager and treat my teenagers the way I would have liked to have been treated.