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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Booked time off without DH knowing.

73 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 05/01/2015 20:46

So I have this week off from work, but not told anyone apart from MIL as she takes the DC to school.

I want a few days to myself. So today I have done the house from top to bottom and done everything so I don't have nothing to do apart from school run.

Should I have told DH I have time off work.

OP posts:
APotNoodleandaTommy · 05/01/2015 21:22

Working parent?
Same way I do.
You don't.
Or you discuss with your partner and work something out.
I'd be disgusted if my OH did this. I'd be happy for him to have time off whilst our little one is in nursery and I'm at work so he can have some space. But to lie??
Yuck.

SASASI · 05/01/2015 21:32

Nothing wrong with wanting time to yourself but to keep it from your DH is wrong.

My DH is a bit like that - eh if I'm off sick he wants to take day off to look after me ie iPad TV etc - he gets a forceful fuck off!

I love time to myself, even if it is just housework but I am very good at telling people I don't want to be disturbed.
Sounds like that's a skill you need to brush up on? Lying / not saying is not acceptable in a marriage.

FunkyPeacock · 05/01/2015 21:42

A day maybe but not a week!

You must get a v generous holiday allowance if you can cover all the school hols & have a random week spare to take in Jan!

Aussiemum78 · 05/01/2015 21:45

I get it.

I work at home but dp manages to have days off when I'm working. All he does is interrupt and distract me. I need him to leave the house sometimes!

Plus I can't watch dr Phil in peace at lunch time (yes dp, this is trash tv, no I don't want to change the channel...).

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 05/01/2015 21:46

I get 8 weeks a year.

Not all school hoilday are covered by AL and the reason I have surplus is that leave is refused around popular dates.

DH is a manager and can log in at home so as long as his basic hours are met he can work when he likes

OP posts:
minipie · 05/01/2015 21:51

YABU. look at it from your DH's point of view. yes he might be a bit hurt if you said "I'm going to take spare AL and I'd like to spend it alone", but hopefully you'd make him understand. But surely he'd be really really hurt if he finds out you'd lied to him to avoid him taking the time off with you. I know I would be if my DH did this.

FightOrFlight · 05/01/2015 22:12

I appreciate you don't discuss the ins and outs of your work due to confidentiality but surely you ask each other how their day has been at work? To show no interest whatsoever seems odd to me.

RigglinJigglin · 05/01/2015 22:23

OP YANBU.

I have today and tomorrow off and haven't said a word. DH thinks I'm wfh, today I did the clean and had a bath. Tomorrow I'm going to sit and knit all day long, might even go out for lunch to the pub with my book

You are allowed time to yourself, and don't report to anyone in life. If DH did the same (he does on occasion for night fishing) I wouldn't bat an eyelid, he's an adult not my employee.

SaucyJack · 05/01/2015 22:32

I would be pretty bloody annoyed if my DP lied about going to work and then spent a week lazing about in front of a box set tbh.

Theimpossiblegirl · 05/01/2015 22:37

YABU and it's a bit odd to not mention it. If he did the same to you how would you feel? I know I would be pretty pissed off tbh. Of course you are allowed time to yourself but why the need lie by omission?

TendonQueen · 05/01/2015 22:43

I get you OP. Compromise suggestion: tomorrow evening tell your DH you realised in the morning you had extra annual leave that had to be used so you spent the day at home instead and you're going to do that for the rest of the week. Be clear that you've planned things to do now and they're not compatible with decorating etc.

CyclopsBee · 05/01/2015 22:44

YANBU
I get what you mean and i do it too. I had today off,
If Dh had been off too he would want to go out for the day and I'd get nothing done!

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 05/01/2015 22:45

I feel shitty now.

I think I will sort the attic out or prepare the walls ready for redecorating.

I will not wake him up to tell him I am off.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 05/01/2015 22:47

I'm glad I don't work if it makes you accountable for your time with your oh.
I don't think you have done anything wrong OP, spend your holiday how you like and I can understand why you'd want peace and quiet.

FightOrFlight · 05/01/2015 22:50

"I think I will sort the attic out or prepare the walls ready for redecorating"

Why would you do that? Just tell him you are taking time off for a well-earned rest and plan to watch wall-to-wall Downton Abbey.

TendonQueen · 05/01/2015 22:51

Don't do that tomorrow, OP. Have a totally chilled day as you planned, just come clean in the evening. The attic'll still be there waiting to be cleared out on Wednesday Smile

Fairenuff · 05/01/2015 22:53

Is your dh in charge of you or something OP? Just tell him that you are having some time to yourself. If he wants to decorate he can do that when you are back at work surely?

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 22:53

piper, what the heck is the problem here Hmm

tell your h you have AL and spend it how you wish

quit the ridiculous self flagellation

are you scared of what your help will say, because it's starting to look a bit jarring to me

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 22:54

husband, not help

Theimpossiblegirl · 05/01/2015 22:55

It's not having the time that is unreasonable, of course you aren't accountable to your DH. You are also entirely reasonable to have time off alone to do as you please. I just think it's strange to not mention it all all. It's just good manners.

mineallmine · 05/01/2015 23:03

I've done this - not for a week but for a day. I NEVER get time to myself but DH's job means working funny hours so sometimes he'll come home from 'work' with a shopping bag in his hand and he'll have stopped off in town on his way home. I can't whinge about it but it makes me jealous because I always have to rush home from work to let the childminder go home. Even if I have a scheduled day off, my elderly mother looks forward to going shopping together (which I like too but I get none of my own stuff done.)

So, if I ever get a very rare half day, I tell noone and have a bit of time to myself. Coffee and a magazine. And I had a day that wasn't marked as a day off work on the family calendar and it was a day that DH was at home looking after dd so I left the house in the morning at 7.50 as usual, went to town and had breakfast, browsed the shops, met a friend for lunch, came home at 3.30 feeling like I'd won the lotto.

And if DH ever did it, I'd feel lied to and betrayed so there's no logic, I just knew it was an ok thing to do but if he did it, it wouldn't be ok cos he gets lots of time to himself and i get none. So there.

So OP I totally get you. Feet up, enjoy Downton!

IdontusuallyNC · 05/01/2015 23:10

What's the problem? I'm assuming you would be fine if DH did the same thing.

You are a grown up hopefully in a trusting loving relationship if your decision does not disadvantage your family then it's ok to make grown up decisions by yourself

trufflehunterthebadger · 05/01/2015 23:13

I think the way you view this very much depends on what your own partner would do if you told them you had 2 days off.

My own DH would suddenly decide that he was going to work overtime "as you can have DD as you are off", would find about 15 errands that i could run "as you are off" or would decide to take time off so that we could do something thrilling like buy a new mattress or reorganise the shed. All of these plans would be a million miles from my fantasy "secret day off" plans involving cafe nero, restaurant lunch and mooching about.

IMO OP yanbu and enjoy your couple of days of peace

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 05/01/2015 23:24

I think it's unusual but I have seen other people on mumsnet do the same over the years.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 05/01/2015 23:27

Piper why would you not discuss work "due to working for NHS"?

Blimey I have worked for them for 16 years and I off load to my DH stressful incidents that have happened .