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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let my daughter read 50 Shades of grey?

107 replies

Jennco · 05/01/2015 15:52

To be fair she is very nearly 17. Whilst I havent read the book, so cannot be a fair judge of content, I am certain it isnt something an impressionable (very innocent) young girl to read? Apparently all of her friends have read it and she knows vaugely what its about.

So AIBU when she will probably be old enough to see the movie upon its release?

OP posts:
Penguinsaresmall · 05/01/2015 16:05

YABU, just for thinking you should have a say in what a 17 year old is reading.

But you ANBU for not wanting your DD to waste a few hours of her life reading that shit (oh my!)

Original poster
Jennco · 05/01/2015 16:05

Thanks Mincespy, BertieBotts and AllstoppedUp - I am a slow typist and this is moving a bit fast, so Thanks to everyone else to :D

OP posts:
ReggieJones · 05/01/2015 16:06

You can't actually stop her from reading it but YWNBU to talk to her about healthy relationships, the distance between fantasy and reality and the effect which reading (what is essentially) porn might have on our perception of reality.

redskybynight · 05/01/2015 16:06

Surely the best way to get her to read the book is to ban her from doing so? How on earth would you actually stop her from reading it anyway?

monkeytroubles · 05/01/2015 16:07

I think that at 17, banning anything only makes it seem more attractive or exciting. Let her read it, it's so tedious and poorly written she probably won't even finish it.

weeblueberry · 05/01/2015 16:08

I agree that you should let her read it but suggest you chat about it afterwards. That way you can stress to her that it's not a normal relationship and should never be the outline for one.

RedButtonhole · 05/01/2015 16:08

The only warning I would give her is not to waste her time on it at all. It's complete and utter shite with no plotline and is so repetetive it becomes completely boring by aboht halfway through. Honestly, it was alot of fuss over nothing.

browneyedgirl86 · 05/01/2015 16:09

Yabu in the nicest way possible. I loathe this book because it's badly written garbage. I agree with the others- it's a great way to have a conversation about abuse in relationships.

DrewOB · 05/01/2015 16:11

maybe mention its origin as a Twilight fanfiction? that's why the characters are so caricatural, with the all powerful Grey.
I still rage at twilight! Such a bad role model for girls!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 05/01/2015 16:13

I shouldnt worry about her reading, its a pile shite, if anything it'll be a lesson well learned.

AyMamita · 05/01/2015 16:14

Wait - did you say upthread you haven't read it yourself?

She will probably read it either way (just like we all read Forever and Jilly Cooper). The best way to stop her is to insist that both of you read it and discuss it in great details. Grin

CheeseBuster · 05/01/2015 16:20

Oh it's trash, I read far dirtier books at 17.

Why she needs your approval to read a book at 17 Confused

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 05/01/2015 16:26

I have read the book and I think it's a dangerous book to read if you don't understand the context.

It seems like Annatasia steel, set out to change Christian grey because he is so emotionally damaged over his childhood. His childhood consist of being abused and finding his mother dead and stayed with her body for a few days.

Then he started working for Mrs Robinson and then she introduced him to the bdsm lifestyle.

I find grey a controlling man, who tracks Anna where ever she goes also controls her career by buying the company she works for.

I think it would be good for you to read it before your dd, just so you can advice her in an informal way.

Just to let you know the movie is due in cinema next month, so perhaps she wants to read the books before it comes out.

Shockers · 05/01/2015 17:05

Tell her it's just Disney's version of Beauty and the Beast with butt plugs. It even has Mrs Teapot and the candlestick butler!

She won't need to read it then.

Original poster
Jennco · 05/01/2015 17:06

CheeseBuster She doesnt need my approval at all, she asked my opinion, I was pretty shocked and now looking at it, I overreacted, like I've said, PFB :D - the title should have been worded better.

She is the type of child (nearly adult) who is cautious and asks mine and her fathers opinion on all sorts of things, she doesnt always follow what we say and is more than capable of forming her own opinions and can be very vocal for what she believes in, I hope the term to describe her is respectful, either that or I am an overly controlling parent! She certainly has bucket loads of confidence.

AyMamita, No I havent read it, but Ive told her now that I will, she seemed glad of that to be honest - very weird child, I have told her that she must discuss it with me as well Grin her younger sister (15) would be exactly like you said though, and it wouldnt suprise me if she had read it, (in the voice of Ron Weasley) "shes a nightmare, honestly" - she is very much my child :)

So as for me not reading it, I was put off by
A) my mother reading it and posting on facebook how much she enjoyed it boak
and
B) I couldnt stop "correcting" the words in an amazon free sample, so gave up.

I love "mummyporn" just as much as the next

So im going to be brave and read it, Let her read it and see what happens, Ive given her some of the advice from here, which I am greatful, prewarned and all!
Thanks again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jennco · 05/01/2015 17:08

Shockers Euwwwwww

OP posts:
Original poster
Jennco · 05/01/2015 17:09

and spamming now, but using the mummyporn term was very unreasonable of me - sorry!

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 05/01/2015 17:15

YANBU. It is very, very badly written. Find her some well written porn instead.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 05/01/2015 17:18

I agree with the people who think you can't stop her reading it but you can point her to one of the wonderful feminist takedowns to read alongside it. Another one is the glorious Lighter Shades of Grey by Cassandra Parkin.

VinoTime · 05/01/2015 17:19

I don't think at 17 you can stop her from reading it, OP. But I would absolutely be sitting her down and explaining how unhealthy the relationship between the main characters is Sad

Shockers · 05/01/2015 17:21

There are many references to butt plugs. I must confess to never having heard of one before I read it either!

Read it Jennco and then tell me you don't think the basic plot was lifted from B&tB! Grin

DrewOB · 05/01/2015 17:21

My mum gave me Outlander by Diana Gabaldon to read around age 13/14. That was ermmm enlightning. Librarians lol

chipsandpeas · 05/01/2015 17:28

all i would suggest is if shes unsure about some of the stuff thats happening or being used then google with caution ie not at work etc

sisterofmercy · 05/01/2015 17:30

On the bright side your daughter sounds rather lovely. It's nice that she respects your opinions.

RatherEmbarassed · 05/01/2015 17:46

Oh dear, you can't really think that at her age you could stop her do you? By all means tell her that it isn't a 'normal' type of relationship and raise your concerns but she is her own person and at that age should be able to read whatever she wishes